Why am I blamed for his death?

Question

I lost my partner over two years ago. He died in a car accident in where he was asleep and not the driver. I miss him every single day now until forever. Before he passed we were blessed with a son who is now 3 years old. My son brings me so much joy and I am grateful to have him with me, but it kills me now when he ask "where's my daddy?" he comes home from head-start with fathers day gifts and stories the other kids had about their daddies. We didnt have the healthiest relationship and being from a small town everyone is in your business. we had gotten into a fight a week before the accident and since he worked out of town he came home on the weekend and wanted to go out with his friends. he never made it home. Since then i have given birth to a 2nd son who was born on the day my partner had passed. i dont know if it was just a coincident or some sort of message maybe? i dont know. Well now people around here still whisper behind my back and point when i'm not looking. not everyone has to say it, but i know what theyre thinking. i've gotten into a few arguements with people i've known for a long time. they all end with the same hurtful words, "he's dead because of you. you drove him crazy and now look what happened. if he were still here you would be nothing." i have no one to talk to, or maybe i choose not to talk about it, but is this how they really feel? or are they so hurt by the situation also and the only direction they can point a finger is mine? i need words of wisdom so i can stop blaming myself also....

Answer 1

I am also from a small town originally, and I know how the talk gets.  Maybe you should see a grief specialist as they can help you with this sort of thing.  It is not your fight.  So what if you were fighing a lot?  Everyone fights!  I love my husband very much, but we fight too.  The only way you are going to get over this is to talk about it, which is obviously hard for you.  That is why I recommend seeing a grief councelor, someone you do not know.  As for your son asking about him, just make sure you have plenty of pictures hanging up to show him he did have a daddy.  Explain that his daddy went to heaven to be with Jesus, but he loves him and watches over him.  Unfortunately, as you well know, this is hard for a little child to understnad.  Good luck.  I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish there was something I could do to help you.

Answer 2

i have aquestion,it is not his the 2nd child?  i guess not. well i do not see why they are blaming you.   who was the driver the day he passed?  i do believe it is a message,that hedoes not blame you and he will always love you.  and you need to move on with your life,and you have alot to live for.  Forget what people say,they are ignorant.  they only know what they hear,people are very judgemental.  let them whisper they are being jerk's.  i know it is hard,but you can make it.   if you need someone to talk to i am here..email if you want to....good luck      and i agree 500% with Robyn  a grief counselor is a great idea and pictures on the wall and explaination is great...

Answer 3

the people who talk about you behind your back like that may have heard it all wrong and it made them thing and believe that your love partner died because of you unperposely which mean's it wasn't your fault at all, it was just a coincidence believe me it is not your fault at all,it is just all in your head that's all. your partner's death isn't mainly your fault at all, the 2 of you didn''t mean to drive in the area he died in, i believe the driver who killed your partner was drunk, it was the drunk driver's fault not your's if i were able to i'd be glad to help you take care of your son. but i can't i'm from another state.bubble.yum is my user for yahoo messenger, feel free to add me if you want to talk, i'll be here for you..

Answer 4

Honey you cannot blame yourself for this. Just because you guys were having problems? Everyone does. We cannot avoid it. It was an accident and that happens sometimes ya know?? Please don't let those fools in your town get to you. I dunno if this an option for you but have you considered moving?? Because its not healthy to have to deal with that c**p when you already mourning the loss anyway. I wish you the best dear...

Answer 5

People are just horrible gossips. The story was probably twisted into something where you were in the car, or you were the driver, or something like that. If they do know the true story, they have no right to say those things. The blame should be put on the driver. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

Lots of people have unhealthy relationships.  There was probably blame on both sides for that.  Unhealthy relationships don't 'cause' car accidents though. People sleeping at the wheel do.  Your unhealthy relationship could have gone on for years with no car accidents.  What caused the death of your husband was something out of your control.  

Are you sure people are pointing at you and saying negative things.Maybe they are just saying that that is the woman whose husband got killed in a car crash.  But if you are right, maybe you should try to find a new husband and move on.  Ten, maybe those nasty people will move on, too