Why am I not able to trust women?

Question

I mean that I always worry that she (my g/f) will lose her attraction to me overnight. Do you think this is because of my childhood? My mom was bipolar and had dramatic mood swings from day to day. Then I was a teen, I had my first girlfriend and she cheated on me twice.

Answer 1

The same reason I am not able to trust men.  Your experience has caused you to have trust issues and be apprehensive about letting yourself get too close to that person.  I know how it feels.  And I don't take that personally, being a woman.  Been there, felt that.  I'm sorry.  But you have to understand at the same time, that your current girlfriend is different from those people who have hurt you in the past or with your mom maybe still.  Try to keep that in mind when you are being negative about your current girlfriend - she is a different person all together so try to separate her from that.  I know it is easier said than done, but at least try.

Answer 2

Be an existentialist, stop blaming your past and do something about the present. Confidence is a good start. If you dont have that, just lie to yourself and act confident. Eventually, you'll feel a great difference.

You're only as happy as you tell yourself you are -

Abe Lincoln

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear about your mother's disorder and how it's affected you. I think it comes down to the Law of Attraction. What we believe we are worthy of is what we receive. It's been called many different things over the years, but that's it in a nutshell. Unless you change you basic beliefs about yourself, you won't attract the kind of women or the kind of people you'd really like to have in your life.

Answer 4

You have kind of answered your question yourself by saying that your past g/f cheated on you twice. Not all girls will cheat on you, some will be honest and straight. You will have to learn to trust again and hope you get a trustworthy g/f next time...

Answer 5

Sweetie, improve your self-esteem.  It had to be very difficult dealing with your mother's illness when you were young.  I don't think it's a lack of trust as much as a lack of self-confidence.  Try reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns, MD, or search the self-help books section.  When you feel better about you, you'll feel better about your relationship :)  GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Having a parent with a mental illness can have a major impact on someone.  It is possible that you learned not to trust because of your mom's unpredictable behaviour.  And that this idea was reinforced with your experience with your girlfriend.  The thing to remember, of course, is you can't really generalize these experiences to all women, even though the protective part of your self wants you to.  If you are in or are contemplating a new relationship, remind yourself that the person is not your mother and not your first girlfriend.  Everyone is different.  Also, be careful not to set up self-fulfilling prophecies.  Sometimes people expect to be disappointed in their relationships and unconsciously start to "test" them and in doing so, sabotage them.  Your own worst fears become true, but because of your own behaviour, not because of the other person's.  If this becomes a consistent pattern in your life, you might seek some counseling to learn what role YOU play in it all.  All the best.

Answer 7

It obviously is connected to your past.  You have concluded that women are untrustworthy.  You have also concluded that you are unable to keep a lady attracted to you. Both conclusions are  inaccurate, but my saying that won't necessarily help you.

Two avenues:  (1) Work on it with help (counseling); and or (2) work on it yourself, with this book I highly recommend:

http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Days-Self-Este...

This is important to your future relationship or relationships with women.