Why am I so competitive with other moms?

Question

Am I the only one or are other mom's out there as competitive as me? This is really hard to admit but I always find myself comparing other moms to myself. For instance, one of my closest friend and I have kids that are 6 weeks apart (they're 2). I always find myself comparing our kids in ways that mine comes out on top. Also, with housekeeping and gardening. I always, have thoughts like; my son has such better manners, I would never let my house be that dirty, my hubby treats me so much better, etc. I feel like I'm being a bad friend because I'm so judgmental, but, I feel like it's a competition too. Please help me. Does anyone else out there do this, is it normal? If not, how do I stop? Thanks!

Answer 1

Be honest with yourself and admit what it is that SHE/HER CHILD comes on top of in your mind.  I think these feelings of competitiveness are possibly guilt and insecurity because of your short fallings in that area, so you are trying to make yourself look better in the other areas.

Rather than continuing with this sort of behavior, improve that area that needs improving in your mind.  And, know that all of us and our children are different.  You need not be "better" than her-just different.  What works for you/your child may not work for others and vice versa.

I do my best to avoid "mommy wars".  My Mommy friends are their for friendship and support, not rivalry.  I hope that you can overcome this issue so that it does not ruin your friendship.  Wish you the best!

EDITED TO ADD: It is normal to have insecurities, we all want to be the best parents we can be.  However, what is not normal in what you describe is your obsession over it. Also, how is it affecting your child?

Answer 2

Just know that you're the mom no one else likes simply because of that.  I'd hate to be your friend, no offense.  It seems like you're gonna be one of those moms that makes their kids suffer and do things they don't want to do just so you look good.  I'd stop admitting these things.  Loosen up.

Answer 3

It can be normal to do this.  Everybody has that insecure part of them that wants to be better than the next person.  Next time, when you find yourself thinking along those terms, take a second and tell yourself that every person/parent/household is different and that you should try not to judge.  

And who knows, your friend may be judging you in her mind too.

Answer 4

if you are saying this stuff out loud I am sure that you have no friends. really. mothers like that run their kids friends off too. every one compares to some extent, its human. but running others down over and over is not.

you really are probably a good mom. and you have a great kid.but you are not the best or the worst, you are just you. you are the right mom for your son. thats all you need.

Answer 5

Ill answer for my mom. Moms are competitive, she says stuff like that all the time. I think it's just natural, like instinct.

I do it with soccer. I am constantly making remarks that put me or my team on top.

I am constantly making comments about other teams players and their skills.

But atleast you can't take it too far and get too competitive and end up getting too physical and throwing a elbow or shove someone.

So everyone does it, with many things. Being competitive doesn't make you any less of a friend.

Just don't say these things to your friends faces.

Answer 6

It's normal to compare yourself, but never think that you are just "better" than someone else.  Other people may just have different priorities.

Answer 7

WRONG!!! big mistake. friends like you are better as enemies. you need to stop now. the only one who is loosing is you. you are going to loose respect, trust and friendship from the other moms. A real friend ,or a good person should have good thougths towards others. when you are happy for other people the only thing you feel in your hart is happiness and blessings will come to you. Seriously, i know a neighbor that is very mean and competitive and the only thing she has left is lonliness. No one in the block like her. In adition you are not setting a good example for your kids. they don't need that kind of behavior  that will make them  bad persons  in the future.

Answer 8

What, no it isn't normal behavior! Insecure maybe!

Answer 9

It may be normal...for someone that is super insecure. Okay, it's normal to an extent but not to your extent. I compare just to make sure my kids are on track or to make sure I'm on track, but not to bad mouth them behind their back.