Hello Im 20 years old and im a total failure in my eyes. When I was younger I wanted to be a pro athlete (I have the genetics for it and I learn really fast) I could be making millions of dollars right now. But heres the problem I dont know how to function in society, im a social r****d. Im wasted potential, I should be the nfls only good running back right now. But I couldnt function in school. I used to get bad grades because I was too depressed to do my homework. The only way for me to release my tention was through sports. Then sohmore year I quit everything, becuase people used to accuse me of steroids since im so gifted. I tried playing sports again, and I was doing mma but I quit that also. I dont like being around people I dont know. I always feel like im being judged. Im really smart too, and i dropped out of college because i dont like to be around other people because I cant function. Im also very good looking, like a male model. And I cant even get a girlfriend. The only thing I get is g*y guys hitting on me. Im buff and I have a six pack abs. But it seems looks dont matter, its all about how cool you are. And im not cool and I never have been cool. Im tired of people calling me g*y, or telling me a take steroids. I enjoy working out and challenging myself. I like to work hard. But I am criticzed for that. I just want to win and be good. like my role models, but i just get made fun of. I want lots of money and women. But I feel like I never will. Im being honest. I feel like life is a joke, like everyones s******g with me. When I was 12 I knew what life was about, and I set out to be the best. 3 years later, i found out it was a joke. 8 years later, im still a loser. Girls always say im hot, but i cant geta girlfriend. whats with that? Only guys with lots of friends get girls. I keep getting hit on by g*y guys, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Oh yeah the reason why I workout is so that people dont pick on me. because people used to pick on me before i hit puberty.and when i stop working out people pick on me. LONG STORY SHORT- I am scared to be in society. HERES THE FUNNY THING. you know what my favorite thing is????????????? People. I love people more than anything in the world. I want to make everyone happy and to have peace and love you know. It sounds g*y but whatever. I want to be the best. I want to be like Tiger Woods you know, I want kids to look up to me as a hero. I want to be a role model, like a gleam of light in the darkness. I just dont know what i should do. I feel like killing myself, but God would not approve of that and winners dont quit, winners win.I want to be a winner I am a winner. But seriosuly if life was a video game I would turn the game off and find the directions. I work way to hard to be were I am in life, I actually try really hard to fit it with people. I do everything that you could think of. Also another weird thing. I often find that people are stupid? it sounds odd but, people talk about the dumest things and dont know anything about anything. And the people who are like me dont like me. It seems like everyone that is like me thinks im competition. Anyway I have serious problems and the pychiatrist aint working. HE DOSNT UNDERSTAND. nobody does. I just want to be happy.
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