Why am I treated like this?

Question

Although I have been fairly popular for most of my life, I tend to get treated pretty badly by most of my friends. At first I thought I just needed different friends, so I switched groups several times, but no matter which group I switch to, the same things happen. I am somewhat shy, but outgoing around people I know, and have been told I am sweet and generous... I try to make sure other people are happy, you know? But people still treat me badly, make fun of me, and take advantage of me. Recent examples:

1) At the school I go to, almost everyone drinks. I'm not exaggerating-- it's a small school, I know almost everyone, and almost all of them drink. I rarely drink, and people have gone from pressuring me to drink to flat-out making fun of me and not inviting me anywhere, even if it's to a non-drinking event. Yet when these people need something, they still claim to be my friends and tell me how much they love me, etc.

2) My "friends" invite each other to events right in front of me, making sure they mention that only they are invited (aka, I am not invited.)

3) My friends tease me about everything and laugh about me when I do anything... I'm not kidding. I take a step forward, they find it hilarious. I don't have any hardcore personality flaws that I'm aware of, and although I'm not beautiful, I'm average looking... so what are they even making fun of? I can never find out, because when I ask why they just ignore me or laugh more. Then later, they'll start talking to me again.

Why is this happening? What do you think is wrong with me? It has to be me, not them, because it keeps happening. What can I do to fix this? Thanks!

Answer 1

It happens to me too. I have to catch myself when I see it happening. They see you as the "constant" of the group, and no matter what they do to you, they are fairly certain you will still stick around. Start turning down their invites occasionally, and after they treat you like c**p--never, NEVER do something for them. Tell them you find it odd that a few minutes ago I was worth treating like c**p and now you come and ask me for something? You just have to take a stand.

Answer 2

These people are not your friends. Real friends would not treat you like this. you shouldnt even speak to them anymore if they make you question yourself and make fun of you. I dont think there is anything wrong with you, sometimes kids just need  a target person to make fun of and tease and you seem to be it. You dont need that, s***w them.  

Answer 3

its definatley them, not you.

walk around in your school until you find a group of people wearing alot of black clothing, and start talking to them.

they will be nice to you, unless youve been rude to them in the past.

and if they have shirts with clowns on them, or have their face painted like a clown, their most likley going to be even nicer.

Answer 4

your school is full of a bunch of jerks..don't let them pressure you into doing what you don't want to do..oh yeah..and if they act this way they're not "friends"

Answer 5

Hi - I'm really sorry you are going through this.  I do want to say a couple things that I picked up on.  Please just consider this and know it's only my opinion.....

What you described to me, I feel I could relate to firsthand in my younger years (I'm 37).  To me, it sounds like a couple things are happening....

First of all, in my own opinion, I don't think these are real "friends".  In my eyes, the "friends" you are calling friends should probably be referred to as either friendly acquaintences or acquaintences (people you know).  Real friends wouldn't ever treat a friend like this.  

Sometimes when you grow up in a very small school especially (as I did also), the word "friends" is used WAY too loosely and incorrectly.  I didn't really know what true friendship was until I grew older and went off to college because the behavior you are experiencing, you are probably so "used to it", you don't question it.  Believe me.  It's just a growing pain unfortunately we go through in life - like you seem to be.

Secondly, the reason it is happening to you (being laughed at, being taken forgranted, etc.) is because THEY CAN.  Meaning, YOU are allowing it to happen.  The same is true for why they ignore and laugh at you more....because you are allowing it to happen.

If they get a reaction of out you (as they are), they will continue.  If you ignored them and not gave them the time of day, believe me, it would stop eventually.  IN ways, I'm sure your behavior is so predictable to them, they don't expect you to react except how you are.  So change it. :)

Sadly, there are people in life that will continue to take and take and take advantage of your kindness, generosity, etc. the more you allow it.  It sounds like this is what is happening from what you said (every group of friends).  Only you are to blame for allowing it to happen.  Something difficult to accept sometimes but great things can happen when you do!

In addition, many people act this way because of their own insecurities that have NOTHING to do with you.  For instance, the more they pick on you and take advantage of you, the better they feel about themselves and more fulfilled THEY are.  To me, they don't care about you as much as they care about themselves.....and what YOU can bring to their lives to make it better.  They may not even understand this yet but it's classic psychology, based on what you wrote. :)

The advice I would have for you is to take care of yourself FIRST and not them.  And become very aware of this - when you are about to react to how you always have (whether it's being laughed at, giving, etc.)  You cannot change them; just your own part in it.  And don't be afraid to change or say no....if they leave or treat you the same or worse based on your "new" behavior they don't like or expect, THAT tells you right there what type of "real friends" they are.

In order to take care of YOU first, you need to get a little more self-esteem / self-respect.  I'm sorry but it sounds like you are lacking a little bit or you wouldn't be putting up w/behavior like this.  It sounds like you aren't really getting much out of these "friendships" and people except disappointment you don't need.  

I'm NOT saying these are awful people.  It seems like YOUR beliefs and values are VERY different than your own.  Recognizing this and finding friends w/similar values is probably a really good idea to resolving this too.