Why am i putting up with this? and how can i stop it?

Question

ive been dating a girl for a while, almost 4yrs, everything has been great until about now. she has been real demanding with me and always threating to break it with me. she keeps telling me what to do and just the other day she pick out my clothes, so i need to know why i put up with this and how can i get her to do what i want instead.

Answer 1

You've become comfortable with each other...and you pro'ly dont wanna deal with the crazy world of dating again. Theres more here than just your gf acting controlling all of a sudden. And for her to threaten to call if off with you means she's been thinking about it.

Instead of trying to get her to do what you want, ie control her, you should try to focus on how you each can express your individuality and maintain it in the relationship without wanting to stiffle the other like your gf is doing right now. Talk to her. Ask her whats going on with her lately coz she's changed. Why does she wanna break up with you?...be prepared for anything though...there is no telling if she will wanna work this out or take a break.

If she keeps saying she wants out, let her go so she can figure things out. You cant keep a person who doesnt wanna stay...otherwise they start getting bitter and staying mad.  

Answer 2

Four years is a pretty long time so you're probably attatched to the routine of being with her and that's why you haven't said anything.

If everything has been great and her demanding/controlling side hasn't come out until now then something has obviously changed. Maybe something happened and she hasn't told you about it? Whatever it is  you first need to, before you do anything else, have a talk with her. You need to ask her what's been up and let her know that you can see the change in her personality. If problems persist from there than you're going to have to take it another direction.

You'll need to just lay it out and tell her that you don't like the way she's been treating you and for your relationship to continue something has got to give. That's what relationships are about, compromisng for the sake of each other.

You really need to work on solving whatever made her change together as a couple to maintain a healthy relationship. If all else fails then it might be time to start reevaluating your relationship and see if maybe now is the time to break it off.  

Answer 3

Have you ever heard of that saying: people treat you that way YOU

allow them to. You're allowing her to treat you the way she is.

You need to put your foot down and tell her how feel with her treating you the way that she has been. Tell her you care about her and her opinions but you need your space.  

Answer 4

Try talking to her. Tell her what you need and how it makes you feel when she does these things.

If things don't get better, well, sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on. Sometimes when people threaten to break up over little things, it's because they've already decided it's over. That may not be the case at all.

Your girlfriend could just be under a lot of stress and just needs something in her life to go the way she wants it but unfortunately she's taking it out on you. Talk with her before you figure out if it's worth it or not.

Answer 5

I think you are putting up with it purely because it is the easy option. I also think that eventually you will be prepared to put in the necessary effort to find someone you are much more comfortable with. You can stop it quite easily by either telling her to go when she threatens to or take the decision yourself now and tell her how you feel & that you think a trial separation would be in both your best interests.

Best wishes. UK