Why am i so unlucky in love:( pt.2

Question

I was in B&Q earlier buying stuff to dispose of Mrs PG 2.0.

I heard this squeaky essex voice, looked up and saw an amazing red haired fox clip clopping down one of the aisles.

It reminded me of when mrsGC came clip clopping down the aisle on our wedding day and so i came over all 'Proper' and bagged meself yet another Y!wife (i've now had a blonde, a brunette and a goose so we should be ok this time)

Trouble is this> i have to consumate the marriage in a minute and mrs PG 2.0 and Mrs PG 1,1 are still under the bed which she may find a bit off-putting. What should i do, would it be better to prop them up in the lounge and pretend my shy sisters have come to stay? If i can keep them apart i could be ok.

Please help.

Answer 1

Use one of them valance sheets.

She's more likely to ask where the niff's coming from.

Just say, d**n I forgot to get rid of the remains of them 2 crispy ducks !  

Answer 2

Should have gone to Specsavers

Answer 3

Do you want me to boo! them???!!!

Perhaps they'll faint with shock & give you some time...

BOO!!!

There hope that does it! Hope i didn't overdo it tho'...or you'll be back to square 1...!

: )

Answer 4

Mrs PG 3.0 looks a bit of trollop to me so 'doing the deed' will be no problem to her whether it's amongst the smell of putrefying flesh or in front of your 'shy' sisters.

EDIT- Mrs GC I'm telling my Ma off you!( Haz has never had a fight in her life and makes involuntary 'squitty' noises at the threat of violence)

PG- Yes I like her very much I'm just jealous..men...pffft.( or geese even )

Answer 5

Proper gander? Are you sure about that??

Answer 6

Christ this is harder than the time my boyfriend's flatmate asked me whether his new girlfriend would prefer dirty sheets or no sheets on his bed the first time he brought her back to the flat.  I really did not know what to say.....

Answer 7

Unless Mrs PG 1.0 and 2.0 are starting to smell, leave them there until the deed is done. Then send Mrs PG 3.0 to B&Q for some air fresheners and while shes out take 1.0 and 2.0 downstairs to dispose of responsibly.

Always use the Recycling centre.

Answer 8

Take a swift course in floorboard lifting and body disposal... must be something SUITABLE in your local towns night school list... or... IF NOT... try the Early Learning Centre... you might pick up with someone your own age... good luck.  

Answer 9

ever heard of Febreeze?

Haz you and me outside

I'll give you trollop you cheeky old witch

Can I keep my old name?

Too many Mrs PG's around these days ;)

Answer 10

Don't let her look under the bed, or just peck her eyes out then she won't be able to. She might not be too happy about that, but just tell her it's your culture and if she really loved you she would respect that.

Anyway goose consummation is over in seconds so she won't get much chance to look under the bed before you're giving it the Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's!

Answer 11

Um, what?