Why are Fathers that don't pay maintenance always branded bad Fathers?

Question

My Dad was and offshore engineer he had plenty of money and didn't pay her maintenance solely because my Mum was an alcoholic and she even spent her child benefits on drink instead of me.

Yet when we hear of a Father who didn't pay maintenance that instantly makes them a bad person. A Father who deosn't pay maintenance seems to be linked to the kind of chavvy Father who'd go and knock up 10 birds without a second thought.

Answer 1

Because he could have helped in other ways, he could have bought clothes etc for you rather than handing over cash

Answer 2

He had a choice. Send money to help care for the child or go to court to make new arrangements on how the money is allocated. He also had the option of going after full custody to be the responsible parent.

He probably was a good father to you, but he wasn't being responsible in terms of financial or making other arrangements. Your mother didn't seem responsible either because of her alcoholism.

You cannot change another person, but you can make other changes to try to make things better, which he failed to do.

If it was THAT bad, he could have made better arrangements for how his daughter was raised.

Answer 3

Your father could have put money into any account for you every month, but with your mother being an alcoholic, I can't say I blame your father for not giving her the money as it would have been spent fueling your mother's addiction, rather than to benefit you.

You didn't say whether you had regular contact with your father when he wasn't at work, I hope you did though.

Answer 4

BECAUSE A FATHER THATD OESNT PAY IN SOME WAY IS A BAD FATHER.... HE COLD HAVE PAID THE ELECTRIC BILL... OR PART OF THE RENT.. OR BOUGHT YOU CLOTHES, PERSONAL ITEMS... THINGS YOU NEED... FOOD... HE DID NOT HAVE TO PUT MONEY IN HER HAND... SO IF HE DIDNT MAKE AN EFFORT TO DO IT IN OTHER WAYS.. HE MAY NOT BE THE WORST FATHER.. BUT HE WONT BE PICKING UP ANY "FATHER OF THE YEAR" AWARDS EITHER

Answer 5

This is part of the misandrous nature of society today unfortunately. It's the stereotype that the woman is always assumed to be right while the man must be wrong.

Answer 6

You did state that he paid his child benefits for you correct? If he did so , and the court DID NOT award maintanence fees to be paid to your mom in the divorce settlement, then he is not a bad father. He held up his obligation to you. Unfortunately your mother is the one who chose how to spend those funds. Evidently she did not use the funds wisely or just for your benefit, but spent a good portion (just guessing) on drink for herself. That was unfair to you darlin. That is a beef you should take up with your mom not your dad. It sounds to me like he did his part in caring for your needs. Not all dads do you know.That makes them dead beat dads. Your dad DOES NOT belong in that catagory thankfully, he took his responsibility seriously and handled his buisness.Your mom just did not follow through, so in my opinion I would have to say your father was a good dad and well your mom has a few character flaws such as her uncontrollable desire for drinking in excess, and possibly the inability to make good financial decisions that would have been in your best interest. You did state that she is an alcoholic, has she admitted that fact to herself and sought any help for her problem? You must not be too harsh with your feelings toward mom, remember that alcoholism is a disease just like any other. She does not have the control to stop drinking on her own and needs professional help. For your sake I do hope she seeks that help. As far as mom 's friends go , there is most probably a good possibility that they are alcoholics too, at the very least they sound like bitter divorced women themselves. Just because we say" I DO" does not make the man financially responsible for us forever in the event we later decide "I DON'T". I feel sure that at the time of the divorce she was given a very fair settlement by the court. So stand up for your dad & point these facts out to the people who insist on calling him a bad father when clearly he was a " GOOD FATHER".

Answer 7

they are branded so because of narrow minded people who should sort their own lives out