Why are SO many people telling me I should NEVER have kids, just because of my mental disability?

Question

I'll be 25 next month. I have my college degree. Look @ what I've accomplished. Family members, acquaintances, social workers, etc. tell me, "You better NOT get pregnant, or else I'll have your baby put up for welfare & I'll arrange for that BEFORE you can even give birth because you're crazy!"

Why was it OK for my twin sister to have 3 kids, & no one said anything? Why is it OK for everyone to have kids but me? Why is it OK for a 14-yr. old to get pregnant & still be allowed to keep her child?

My birth mom had 9 kids, & she was on drugs & locked us up in clothes drawers as newborns when we cried, so we were put in foster care. The former foster family is even telling me I BETTER not get pregnant! The foster mom is the one who threatened to get my kids taken into welfare. My twin isn't taking proper care of her kids. In fact, she GAVE her kids away to the state because her mentally slow friend told her to.

They think I'm gonna follow my mom & twin's footsteps, which I'm NOT!

Answer 1

You poor thing. I would move from these horrible people, and make a family. That is your dream. You are fully capable of being a mother. Having a child should be a choice for every woman who is able to bear a healthy baby.

Answer 2

Well first, I would take a step back and look at who exactly it is who is telling you not to have children.  From your desritpion it seems like it is the sickest people in your life who are still projection their sickness onto you.  Whatever you are afflicted by in life, you appear to be dealing with.  Perhaps, you need to practice some detachment.  I have had to learn this in my lifetime, and it isnt always easy, but when I find that I am getting caught up in other's BS, I need to "detach with love".  Let them be sick, but I refuse to follow.  It is up to you when or IF you have babies.  They can threaten to call social services till they are blue in the face, but if there is no just cause to take the baby, they will leave you be.  Not everyone afflicted with a mental illness is an automatic bad parent.  I myself have bipolar disorder.  I am married, with a son, another son on the way and I hold a bachelors degree in nursing.  It can be done if you work hard enough!!

Try to surround yourself with positive people, let them live in their own negativity!!  Good luck to you and your future.

Answer 3

That is bullshit. For one thing, she doesn't rule your life anymore. You are 25 years old! You are your own person! Go ahead and have a kid, you won't get your child taken away if you didn't do anything! Your foster mother sickens me!

Answer 4

When I married my husband I didn't have a clue that he had OCD and social problems.  Now, 38 years later, and 3 grown children I sincerely regret having children.  All my children have OCD and 1 grandchild has it.  I have witnessed attempted suicides and the horror that OCD causes and it is beyond me that people who have this disease know there is a good chance of their children having it would want their children go through what they have been through.  

If I had known my husband had OCD I would have NEVER risked having children because it is hereditary.

Also, in your case if everyone else is telling you not to have kids then theres a reason that they see in you outwardly.  Listen to others around you, they see you as what you are and not what you think.

Answer 5

you do what you wont to it your life! they cant just take the baby away they have to prove that you are unfit to rise it witch it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders so i dont thing you have to worry about them taking it from you. and also you need to get away from those people they are making you worst

Answer 6

Medication and counseling can help some of your illnesses! I would not listen to those people, in fact, I'd suggest moving away from them. Are you married? You have a college degree and seem responsible. I really wouldn't listen to them and I'd have children anyways.

Answer 7

I don't see why you shouldn't have the chance to have a baby.  You're human and it's a human right.  The only thing that you mentioned that I'd be concerned about is your medical condition and the other things that you have.  I wouldn't be concerned for just your children, but you.  I'd definetly get a medical opinion from your doctor and research it and see if other women with your condition have had children and how they've coped and overcame it.  It's not impossible, but it just may make it a little more difficult.  Everyone should be able to have a baby!

Answer 8

You can do ANYTHING you put your mind on ,people just fear that you will be an awesome mom ,if you know you can be a mom go for it ,and don't let your disablilty stop you if you know you can. The sky's the limit!!!

Answer 9

Maybe they fear you are not a capable parent or that you will pass these diseases on tho your children. I wouldn't have children without talking to a Doctor first. They MAY be correct.

Answer 10

As long as you are capable of taking care of yourself I really do not see a problem. Besides once you get married and then have a child the only thing your foster family can do is call a social worker but as long as you are properly taking care of your baby they can't do anything. My advice get married move away do not tell your family were you are and start fresh....My sister-in-law is slightly mentally retarded (her IQ is a few points lower than "normal") she has 2 kids and does a great job with them.

Answer 11

if you are your own legal guardian, no one has any say over wether or not you have children and wether or not you get to keep them.

Answer 12

That's sad you can do whatever you want to do. It's your life you can do whatever makes you happy. When I was a litle girl my mom passed and my uncle and aunt were spending my mom's money when my mom's money was suppose to go to me. I found out that they were using my mom's money when I was living with them from when I went to go live with my brother. When I started living with my brother I went to live with my sister in the summer and my sister needed money badly my brother the 1st time gave my sister 20$ and she needed money real bad so he just kept on messing around. Then I live with my nephew's grandmother and  my sister was doing the same just like my brother. I have a messed up family who..

Answer 13

My advice to you... When the day comes that you find someone to love you and marry you and want to make babies with you, take that person and go far far away from all these negative, half slow, mentally disturb people.You sound very normal to me and the only way to break free of your depression, and other treatable issues, is to get away from "them!" Sorry to say leave your family behinde, but in reality, they left you, abused you and mentally, physically, and emotionally brought you down to their level. Just take baby steps. get yourself an income, stash away for a rainy day, meet someone, fall in love, and just go! Don't tell anyone. Just leave the state, you are old enough to do what you want!!! Then they can't stop you from having children or anything else! Sounds like they envy you cuz your the only one with a brain.

Answer 14

Then just do what you want!

if your not mentally stable

and its been predicted by a psychiatrist or soemthing then - NO dont have kids..

but if you are

then go for it if your in a stable relationship..

Answer 15

Well with all you said, mental illness is hereditary...but I think you have the right to have a baby if you have someone to help you...If you are able to get a college degree I think you can handle a baby....but is there health risks for you? Physically?????? Go see a Dr and move far away from the bad people in your life and try to live honestly!