Why are Some People Anti-Adoptee and Anti-Birthmother?

Question

Just check out some of the venomous answers to these questions! Where does this hateful attitude come from?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjCS9jd0zlYO6yN9Zluhx6Fq.Bd.;_ylv=3?qid=20080520082052AAjwGfV

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjCS9jd0zlYO6yN9Zluhx6Fq.Bd.;_ylv=3?qid=20080519084547AAUtkHO

Answer 1

Picking mouth up off the floor---I am just stunned.

Half of these people i've never even heard of before.  It only makes me feel stronger that if you are not directly a part of adoption (first parents, adoptees, adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents) your opinion means nothing.  From now on i'll be adding on my "title" so people might understand that i am close to the issue and i might know something about adoption.

I can't believe the lack of compassion and humanity in these answers.  I wish i knew where these hateful attitudes came from so i could try to understand.  Then again i believe i would have to lower my standards so much that it wouldn't be worth it.  

I usually don't check out these type of questions b/c i know i don't have the answers but i will from now on to knock these trash talkers out of our forum!

Answer 2

It is the patriarchal society gasping for its last breath before (hopefully) dying.  Historically, males and infertile females have been insanely paranoid about fertile independent females and their offspring.  The power shift blows their minds.

Answer 3

four letter word : FOOL.

Answer 4

Probably for the same reasons that people say "You aren't able to have kids because God didn't intend for you to be a parent.  Stop stealing other people's kids!"

There are mean spirited statements all around.  Nobody is excluded.

Answer 5

Ignorance, and not being capable of showing empathy.

Answer 6

I think on the internet, people ar so quick to judge each other.

They get a chance to say what they really think. I think some people like to hurt other as a way to feel better about themselves.

AP's and PAP's get the same hateful c**p too. but for some reason, people try to justify it because it happens to them.

I think it's time that everyone quits lumping eachother into a stereotypical group and see people for people.

I find it particularly sad when someone is obviously in on one of their darkest moments and people prey on them, either to vent their frustrations or to bost themselves up or maybe to get something out of them, be it a baby or anything else.

Answer 7

I think that there is a pre-conceived notion that all birthmothers are crack heads, or abusive in some way, so maybe that's where the hatred for birthmothers is coming from.

Maybe the hostility towards adoptees is because the hater is jealous that the adoptee was chosen by a loving family and the hater's life sucked.  Who knows.

Answer 8

All I can say is that it must be SO HARD for those perfect people to live in a world where so many of us are imperfect, if not downright flawed.

Answer 9

I feel that people can't see the trees from the forest! Meaning that they feel that those who say "hey wait a minute this isn't right, more things need to be considered in the adoption process" then they are labeled anti-adoption. I personally feel that there are needed reforms in adoption, as it stands today it is a money making business that at times takes advantage of the adoptive parents and biological parents alike. The victim being the child that is used as a commidity, rather than a human being. In order for adoption to be successful everyone involved in the process must have their rights protectd. On top of this adoptees should have access to their own adoption records. Does this make me anti-adoption because i feel this way? NO! I only know of one person on here at one time who straight out stated they wished they were aborted and adoption sucked. I have never seen you Heather say such things or Gersom or many others who are adopted. We are speaking out about reforms, that does not make us anti-adoption!

peace,

healing

Answer 10

I've gotten so used to being trash talked and called down around here that I just laugh it off now.

I'm adopted and I think the industry is totally corrupt

I lost a child to a forced adoption

I chose abortion... twice.

Around here I am the devil and all the ignorant people can keep yapping it up all they want. The holier than thou attitudes around here are enough to make me barf in my mouth. They must feel powerful by harassing people over their life choices, it is so easy to judge people you don't know.

ETA:

"I am not anti-adoptee but i am definately anti-birthmother"

Uh you are aware that without a "birthmother" there can be no adoption right? What a ludicrous statement.

Answer 11

For my own personal health, I have found that I am a much happier and healthier person when I am able to see things from various points of view.  I think it's unfair and inaccurate to place people in categories such as "birth mothers are the bad guys."  "Adoptees who look for their first families are ungrateful."  "Adotpive parents are the bad guys."  

The truth is that people are people in every group.  I have the opportunity to work with all 3 parts of the triad, in some way or another.  I found many first moms who are GOOD people.  Adoptees who look for their first moms are not ungrateful.  They are just searching to find the missing pieces of their lives.  Adoptive parents aren't bad either, unless they are in the group of those who "acquire" children in unethical and/or illegal ways.  I just watched an awesome, and very sickening video of what has recently been uncovered in Cambodia. See the link below to find out more.  There certainly are some "bad guys" out there in the world of adoption.  But let's not transfer our hatred of the abuse of adoption to those who have nothing to do with it.  Please watch this video.  It will open your eyes and touch your heart.

Answer 12

I personally don't get it.

I am an adoptive parent and realize that without my child's first mother she would not exsist. So how can I be anti or against a woman who gave her child life?

Answer 13

Wow thats terrible... I think it is one of the bravest things to give your child up for adoption so that they can have a beter life.  I don't understand why any one would be anti-adoptee either

Answer 14

because (in the eyes of some folks)...

--the birthmother is simply a portal to give the "real" mother a child.

--the adoptee (who is simply a 'forever child') is nothing more than a voiceless peon.  

also, there is an underlying distain for a woman who can--in the eyes of many--simply give up their child and walk away.  now throw in the mix all the twisted social dogma of adoption (the "forever grateful adoptee" and the "crack-w***e birthmother"), and voila!  you have adoptee and birthmother hate!

it's sickening and i'm glad that many on this board are speaking up against it!

Answer 15

I am not anti-adoptee but i am definately anti-birthmother

Answer 16

I want to answer the Lady that says she has been talk down to becasue she is adopted and she has choosen abortion twice I will try  not ot be mean but I am soo typing while I am crying .....I am so sorry for what you have gone through but I can not have kids and I wish I could I adopted my son whom my whole family adores and whenI think of the life you cut short(I am sorry) I just hate that some one hurt you so bad u felt u had no other choice ...to answer the original question some people are just mean hateful and unlearned and if anyone would ever treat my son different because I choose him there would be h**l to pay