Why are babies abandoned when their are so many couples willing to adopt.?

Question

It saddens me greatly to hear and read about stories of babies that were abandoned. Why do these mothers/fathers not find a couple to adopt their baby instead of leaving the infant somewhere where it could die. It just doesn't make sense.

http://www.startribune.com/local/11585911.html

http://www.kvoa.com/global/story.asp?s=6812328

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=124994&page=1

http://cbs3.com/topstories/newborn.baby.abandoned.2.674688.html

http://www.wisn.com/news/14223467/detail.html

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/2063682/

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/15442098/detail.html

http://www.wtopnews.com/?sid=1320577&nid=25

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/612718/detail.html

http://wbztv.com/local/Abandoned.baby.Roslindale.2.582122.html

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Jun-22-Thu-2006/news/8097491.html

http://wcbstv.com/local/baby.dumpster.elmhurst.2.616498.html

Answer 1

You know what's even crazier, Renee?  I could post just as many articles about adoptive parents who abuse and kill their children, because that happens, too, and at higher rates than intact biological families.

The kind of women who dump babies are usually: drug addicts, mentally ill, abused by husband/boyfriend/parents, incest victims, or other people hiding out from the law.

These are not women who are usually incapable of rational thought.

Answer 2

Because Losers are allowed to have babies also!!!

There is never an excuse to leave a child out on a road so it can get ran over or eated by animals! Those who try to justify it are just as sick....

Answer 3

I know its horrible, my best friend is trying to adopt but struggling with the cost. Every time she sees something like that one the news she just cries. I can understand her pain she is trying so hard (years and thousands wasted on fertility treatment, and now trying to afford adoption.) And would make an amazing mom, & she has to hear about what  horrible ppl do to their babies.

Answer 4

It is a shame that people think it would be easier to abandon the child then to find someone who wants to raise the child.  People are even stupid today, when you can give you child up not questions at local fire department, or hospital, they would rather just leave the baby outside in a dumpster.  I don't get it either...Saddens me too.

Answer 5

I wonder if they think "If no one knows I did it, then it didn't happen".  I think they forget that THEY WILL KNOW and I doubt they will be able to forget.

I think they are probably desperate people.  Desperate people do desperate things.  It is sad.

Answer 6

Because parents choose many options for their children.  Some parents place their child for adoption, some parent them.  Some abuse them.  Some sell them.  Some incest them.  Some leave them with anyone who will take them.  Some drag them from one serial relationship to another.  Some parent but are not engaged in their child's life.  Some are over engaged.

This sub group of parents who abandon an infant or child are detached and narcissistic.  If they parented, they would likely objectify their child, abuse them or in other ways dehumanize them.  They are mentally ill, not in an inane sense, but in a very real way that prevents them from seeing this child as needing their protection and care.  They are limited in only being able to consider their own needs, which include not having a child, or this child, at this moment in their lives.  To prepare and plan and seek out another person to take over the parenting for this child, would require acceptance, skills and a mindset that is simply not present.  Narcissistic personalities are only able to think of themselves.  And in some cases, the parent is in such denial about their situation, the father, the pregnancy, that they can stay so detached from reality that they feel nothing.  Extremely sad cases.  I have worked with several such cases, some with the request of law enforcement.

Answer 7

Your question baffles me also. I want a baby and just havent had one yet (married 5 years).  When I see things like that in the news it churns my stomach.  I guess I've chalked it up to some kind of "natural selection". While you and I know there are alternatives some people dont know or dont care.. I dont get it anymore than u do.

Answer 8

It is so sad and breaks my heart to hear stories like this, from all over the world...

i honestly think people who abandon babies will usually fall into one of the following catagories:

*are in denial about ever bieng pregnant and therefore once the baby is born, go into shock and dump the poor thing.

*are hiding the pregnancy for one reason or another and therefore are scared or embarrased to go through the adoption process and have the pregnancy become common(ish) knowledge.

*have mental/drug/drink problems and arent thinking or acting rationally.

I guess there is many people who just do it cos there cold callous and evil, but i think thats few and far between, most have huge personal and mental problems and also great immaturity of knowing how to deal with whats happening to them.

Just a shame its the tiny innocent babies that have to pay for their birth mothers neglect.

Answer 9

Like most countries we need to get in tune and not be so worried about making money from adoption as getting them into loving families.

It;s all so sad, My wife and I want to adopt, but the cost is prohibitive.

Answer 10

Because the people in your cases are mentally ill and have problems.  I doubt if any of them ever even considered adoption.

Some people are just really twisted.

Answer 11

It is really sad, especially when there are so many options for anonymous "abandonment" at firehouses, hospitals and I believe police stations. I wish there were some way to make this common knowledge for people who are scared to be identified or who feel the need to keep things secret. Hmm I think I should do something about this because it breaks my heart everytime I hear of someone killing or leaving their newborn for dead. It is especially upsetting after trying for so many years to have children and to see someone else treat life with so much disregard.

Answer 12

Those are unfortunate stories...there are problem many more that never get found until it's too late. It could be they have no hope, don't want to face the shame, are stupid, don't know better, wishing for the best...it could be anything.

I too was abandoned but I was one so I was a bit older.  I couldn't understand it but in all honesty they left a nametag on me with my birthdate..that shows me that there is a lil hope that maybe the person(s) who abandoned me did care. Who knows tho-

Answer 13

I think that your interest in this topic may indicate that you would make an excellent volunteer for Project Cuddle, a ministry that focuses on finding adoptive homes for babies that are at risk for being abandoned ie. those born to teen moms, those born to drug addicted moms, unwed mothers with no means of support.  They can offer the mother who is willing to carry the child to term and give it up for adoption basic necessities such as access to prenatal care, vitamins and maternity clothes.  Please do check them out online, by doing a Google search.  They need people willing to run a telephone hotline from home, where a young mother in crisis can call when the baby is born if she is thinking of abandoning her child out of desperation.  They directly prevent baby abandonment organizing a formal adoption through help of their on staff attorney.  It is a wonderful ministry and I've volunteered for them by donating my maternity clothes following the births of my children.  You can do something!  You CAN make a big difference in the life of an unwanted child.  That's the good news!  If there were more people willing to actually help women in strickened circumstances find adoptive homes for their children, I doubt we would see so many babies on the news the victims of abandonment.

My opinion is that people who put babies in dumpsters are obviously probably on drugs or mentally deficient in some way.  A mother who would consider doing that is not capable of thinking clearly as you or I would.  A person who does this places no value on human life.  That's a shame, isn't it?  It shows what ignorance, poverty, unprotected teenage premarital s*x, and drug use can destroy.  So sad.

Answer 14

Women are still hiding their pregnancys from family and friends, there is quite a stigma placed on women who give their babies up. They are afraid, sometimes they feel if they get rid of it, then it never happened. It's not a baby to them.

Answer 15

there really isn't a good answer for this.  Many people no matter how informed or intelligent can panic under pressure.  Is it good or right...NO!   We just need to continue to inform the public there are options...even if it is a last minute panic there are still options.  There are places such as hospitals, fire stations that will take a child and call the proper authorities as necessary.  You are right though..it is very sad.

Answer 16

Because some people feel they have no other choice..(for some unexplained reason). Maybe they just think it's easier? Or they have no heart? Yeah, they pretty much have no heard whatsoever.

Answer 17

To answer your question and not go off in another direction to prove other points my thoughts are....

You will never know why they did this more than likely.  These are probably women who never considered adoption placement for their children.  Prenatal care usually doesn't happen in these circumstances.  Often very few if any other people even know these women are pregnant.  These are not women that can easily be reached out to.  Since normally they are in a total denial about being pregnant, therefore they would feel it doesn't apply to them.

Many of the abandonments in our area are from young teenage girls or young college students.  The only answer you get is maybe that they felt pressure from their family to not become pregnant in the first place.  I can't remember the last abandonment story in my area where it was a crack addict or a mentally ill woman.  It's sad because I hear of at least 7 or more of these cases a year.  Who knows how many more occur without making the news.  

Legal abandoning doesn't seem to be working.  I don't know if these woman feel they would still be persecuted.  Or the simple fact of total denial that what they are leaving behind is a living breathing human being.  I would venture to assume that they have completely removed and distanced themselves from their child by the time abandonment occurs.

It's a difficult situation to address.  You can never quite know exactly what is going through someone's mind.  By the time they, and sometimes they don't, come to terms with what they've done.  Even they don't know why or understand why they abandoned their child.

Answer 18

Unfortunately, I don't think there is one good answer to this.  If we knew the right answer, we could help prevent it from occurring.  

My first thought was "fear" but I also know from my husband's job as a police officer that some of the parents who choose to do this stuff are high on drugs and just "don't think" about the ramifications.  

One thing I think we can all agree on though is that the situation is truly sad and it happens way too often.

Answer 19

And your question is? What?   Don't you think that if there was answer to this, they'd splash it across the news?  I honestly believe that in some of these cases, the mother was killed and her killer is the one who abandons the baby.    However, that certainly isn't likely the case in your first example (which occurred not far from my sister's place).

Answer 20

This is an interesting issue and there is a difference between those mother's and the mother's who choose to place a child for adoption....Just as there is a difference between those mother who choose to parent and do well and those who choose to parent, abuse--neglect and fail....

Humans--are all different and therefore we can't always understand the motivations for some choices, feelings and attitudes of the other.....

Answer 21

When a woman is so desperate and doesn't know what to do, to the point that she abandones the child, she is in great need of medical care herself.  By the time she is that pregnant, she has probably dealt with different things like the breakup of the relationship with the baby's dad, possible parental issues with her parents.  She's probably not working because of the pregnancy, and the list goes on with different obstacles she is facing.

Unfortunately, in that equation are so many people putting strong influence on her, maybe guiding her towards a decision she's not ready for, like raising the baby, that she gets rid of the baby to not have to deal with it, or with life.

In today's world, we all need to take time to make sure our young mothers are not so overwhelmed.  We sometimes need to give them permission to give the child up for adoption if they are so scared to raise it.  By loving the mother, we also love the unborn child, and when the mother receives love, the child ultimately should also.  If we get an attitude that "you should do this, you spread your legs and got pregnant and it's time to pay the piper", we'll continue to have unwanted babies, and deaths.  

Although I know that I couldn't have an abortion or give up a child, sometimes, it is the only option for some people in their circumstances, and even though I don't agree with their decisions, we still need to love them and guide them and help them with their decisions instead of judging them.  Only then, will the best interests of the babies be served.

Answer 22

The type of person who abandons babies are not the same type of people who make adoption plans.  

This is why legalized baby dumps don't work, if someone is going to abandon, they will abandon - they're a different breed altogether

Answer 23

It is awful that people can do this, but I'm sure it is out of fear.  Fear of a parent finding out, fear of becoming a teen parent or drug addicted parent, and it could even be that they don't care.  There is no excuse for it when they can drop these babies off at a firehouse or hospital with no questions asked.  I guess in some cases they just don't understand what they are doing.

Answer 24

I have to agree with TotalRecall.....we may never know the circumstances but it is possible the mother's were killed and the kids were abondoned by the killer. That just happened in PA and Del. within a few months of each other.

Answer 25

Its very saddening. I think it is because they really dont care about it and dont care if it dies. Sad sad sad!

Answer 26

Honestly, you kind of answered your own question...You ask "why are babies abandoned when their is so many couples willing to adopt'...Think about it, different situations come about, and make the world go round.If it wasn't for the abandoned babies and mother's who don't want their child or can't afford to raise the child, people like "you' would not be able to adopt...