Why are birth father's always excluded from the equation?

Question

I understand that there are father's ad birth father's out there that don't want to have anything to do with there child but there a huge number of father's that do, including birth fathers. Just as there are wonderful father's that are stay at home dad's there are father's that want to be apart of their child's life and choose open adoption because they can not financial care for the child, but socially they are not excepted and comments are always made about the "birth mother" but rarely do you hear about the birth parents or the birth father. Why can't we change this old school thinking!

Answer 1

i guess it's just more socially acceptable for a dad to leave his kids than a mom. i can't even imagine leaving my baby for one day and she's not even here yet!!

Answer 2

I'm not sure why but I applaud you and your baby's father for having enough sense to remain friends for the sake of the child. He sounds wonderful. Thank you for letting him be a father. Fathers are important. Fathers rights are important. I put my daughter up for adoption. Her father was part of that decision. We talked, we decided.

My daughter found me 8 years ago. Her and I found her dad a few months ago. Him and I lost track of each other for 30 years or more after the adoption. We are like old friends. There really isn't any reason to be any other way. Obviously we had feelings for one another at one time. He has had the same questions I had all those years. I spoke with him last night and we talked about how lucky we are to have this come full circle for us.

I think that young women are too easily swayed by peers and the legal system into harboring ill feelings toward the fathers. I refused to do that, and other women can too.

Answer 3

the equaltion, ha ah ur funny!!

Answer 4

They don't want them interferring with their profit.  I am talking the adoption industry.

Answer 5

just like the other user posted, it's easier for us to believe a father left his child rather than a mother, ... my situation growing up didn't include my father because of his choice, so i always try to give credit to those dads who do stick around though, i'm always telling my sons father how great of a daddy he is, and we're not even together right now lol... which makes him an even better daddy in my eyes because we're young (18 & 20) and most guys age would've left especailly if they weren't in a relationship with the mother anymore, we're hoping to work things out as a family though and still together because our baby boy is so attached to both of us... to me thats one great dad right there... the guys that do stick around, and do have something to do with their children deserve credit for it, it's just that latley these days all you hear about it is how the daddy left

Answer 6

I gave up my son and the adoption agency tried to include him but he never returned thier calls!!

But my husband is an excellent father.. : )

Answer 7

Part of the reason why "birth mother" is listed, is because there's no doubt the woman gave birth to that child. Short of a DNA test, you can't actually prove who the birth father is. Some women don't let the man know they were pregnant in the first place. I agree that some men make wonderful fathers. My hubby is. But where I live, if there is a father, he must sign the adoption papers as well. In this day and age men get a bad rap and it's popular to hate them. I wish more people would realize the importance of dads.

Answer 8

Let me first say that I am very  happily reunited with my natural father and extended family.  He looked for me as well.  Fathers are incredibly important, but our society has always placed much more importance on the relationship between mother and child.  Until recently, children were almost always placed primarily with their mothers when a divorce occurred.  I now know many fathers who are the primary, and sometimes only, parent involved in their children's lives, even if the mother is alive and close by.

The laws are also very against fathers, particularly natural fathers of children who may become adoptable.  They are often thought of as just one more stepping stone to getting a child adopted.  Some states have putative father registries, which most people have never heard about, requiring men to register with regard to every woman with whom he has had a relationship that included s*x.  If he does not do so, he has no right to any child that relationship may produce, even though he is the father!  This way, if a woman wishes to relinquish the child for adoption, there is no need to require the father to relinquish as well.  Normally, the law would require both to do so.  Some mothers will take off to states that have putative registries, without telling the father, then give birth there, just to keep from needing the father's legal relinquishment.  

Despite fathers who want to be a part of their children's lives, the laws are making it harder for fathers to have rights and easier for children to be placed into the adoption system.

There are now fathers' rights groups popping up everywhere, as men are getting sick of being treated as though the don't exist, or as if their ONLY role in their children's lives should be that of money supplier.

Answer 9

It is very sad.

When I found my first family - I found out the reasons for my adoption - and the story that surrounded it.

My father offered marriage - but my mother's mother (my grandmother) was too shamed by her daughter becoming pregnant out of 'wedlock' (we're talking the 60's here) - so sent my mother to another state and made it clear that she was not to come back with the baby. (me!)

My father and mother went on to marry 6 months after my birth - and had 3 more kids.

Since finding them - my mother has had a great deal of trouble dealing with the past - as she has never 'dealt' with the past (let's pretend it never happened - type of thing....) - but it's my father that has stood up and is now in contact with me.

He has a lovely heart. He wanted to keep me.

Sadly, he was forced out of the picture.

And you're right - this type of thinking still goes on today by many.

It's sad. Dad's are very important too.