Why are divorced fathers getting so much attention and credit?

Question

My mind IS open. I'm just not going into denial about the fact that a number of men are NOT good fathers. I'm not running down all men, just those who abandon families, take up with other women, do NOT pay child support, blow off visitations and then YEARS later when the kid is a success everyone wants to give the father credit for that and not the mother! It's not fair.

Answer 1

I'm a divorced mother and I disagree with you.  For decades the court system has worked against single fathers.  There are many men out there who want to be good fathers and be a presence in their children's lives.  The whole argument that a mother's nurturing is what children need most has been prevalent and fathers have been pushed aside and relegated to being little more than ATM machines.  To complicate things further, many women are vindictive as he** and use their children as weapons, alienating them from their fathers in an effort to seek "revenge".  I'm thrilled that people are beginning to realize the importance of children having a father figure in their lives.  I don't care what anyone says, it DOES make a difference when children have the love and presence of two parents in their lives.  Women have had the advantage and received the praise they deserve for raising their children.  Fathers haven't received enough IMO... especially since so many of them are denied the opportunity to be fathers.  

Now, I know there are crappy men out there who do not take their responsibility as fathers seriously.  I don't, however, believe that these men are in the majority.  Why don't we ever hear about the mothers who are pieces of c**p?  They're out there in abundance... no doubt.  Giving birth doesn't give a woman any more ability or parental right than a man, but somehow these crappy women get credit they don't deserve because they suffered through labor.

Answer 2

You don't know their situation.  

Answer 3

First of all... she has gotten the kudos for being there as his biggest fan, I know people are wondering about the father and where he is... that is just normal.

It does suck, but as a Mother, we aren't in the spot light, our children are. AND, if you can get a part time Dad fully involved, then they should get credit for that. I mean, he could have just walked away and he stepped in you know?

As for credit, the dead beats get their credit too... for being a dead beat. So, Mom's may not get the full kudos because we step up and be the parent, but that doesn't mean it isn't deserved.  

Answer 4

I am not married, nor have I ever been.  I do know some divorced people.  I know two divorced fathers.  One, who would love to do the right thing and support his children both financially and otherwise.  However, his ex-wife does everything in her power to prevent that.  It's like she thinks if he does his part it will reflect badly on her.  I also know a different divorced father who is raising his daughter alone.  His wife left him when this little girl was just an infant.  So, he handled his responsibility.  He didn't get child support payments.  She doesn't even try to see her child.  On the flip side, I have several female relatives who have children with their first husbands and are now remarried or at least in a different relationship.  Their husbands are not model fathers.  In fact, they don't even pay child support.  However, it's partly the mother's faults.  They have to pursue these things.  I can tell you one thing if I were ever in that situation with a child from a man who no longer wanted to be with me I'd pursue it.  Because I may not have to love him and more, and he may not have to love me anymore; but if we bring a child into the world together we both still have to love and be responsible for that child.  And it's not about getting credit for being there for them when they become famous for doing something later in their lives.  It's about knowing in your heart that you were there for your child when he/she wasn't feeling well.  It's about when your child had a nightmare and you were there to comfort him or her.  I read the one article about Michael Phelps' father.  He was at the olympics the first time around when his son won six gold medals.  This time he was not there.  And in the article they said mostly when asked about it he has said he doesn't want to take any credit away from Michael Phelps.  And, let's face it the credit for winning these medals shoudl go to Michael Phelps and his trainer for individual events; and for team events it should go to Team USA and the trainers for Team USA.  None of their parents were out there competing.  Their parents will be able to shine when later in life they act the graceful way.  Let's face it it takes just as much to maintain your grace as a world champion as it does when you are gracefully losing a little league game at age 7.  These athletes learned that grace from their parents.

Maybe some people want to protect the man at all costs, but from your added details it seems as if you want to down the man at all costs.  You cannot down all men.  Every situation is different.  And in a lot of divorces the men get a bum rap.  Open you mind.  Open your eyes and view every situation as the different situation that they all are.

Well, fine as long as you are only running down the uninvolved parents, which in some cases include univolved MOTHERS.  You must admit that there are some uninvolved MOTHERS also.  Your question didn't say a certain group of fathers other then to say that they were divorced.  So, just stating divorced fathers is too broad of a category.  Say deadbeat parents.  You cannot ask a questin like that and reference all divorced fathers, because you are lumping them all under one category.  And if you are talking specifically about Michael Phelps father, you may have read an article or two about him, but you do not truly know the entire situation.  And regardless if either parent is good or bad, you still have to face the fact that ultimately the person who should get the most credit for the accolades is the individual who has worked so hard to attain his or her goals.  Specifically when it comes to the olympics the attention should be on the athlete and the country that the athlete is representing.  In for that reason I wish they would stop letting professional basketball players compete.  It needs to go back to only being amatuer athletes.  They should compete with the spirit of the sport and patriotism.  It shouldn't be about endorsements or praise for the parents.  When they put money into it through endorsements it tainted the olympics.  If you want endorsements then participate in a professional sport and gain your endorsement money that way.  But if that's what you choose then stay out of the olympics.

Answer 5

Well, I'm not single but I might as well be.  My husband has hardly ever helped out with the kids - I bet he doesn't even know what time school starts.  But when his family comes over - I'm the luckiest woman in the world because I'm married to such a "helpful" husband.  I could just puke.  

Answer 6

I may may not be the right one to answer this.  My ex husband and I have a great relationship.  He has always been there for our daughter. And even though she is in college now we still share expenses.  He also helps me with anything I may need,  This very laptop I'm on he gave  me the other day.  He's remarried and his wife is nice too.  We all go shopping together.  My sisters who are divorced have good fathers for their children too.  I honestly don't know if they fudge some of these stats.  What are the odds of me knowing so many fathers that are responsible, child support paying, trip taking with kids, college expenses paid, car buying, medical bill, cell phone bill paying, car buying dads.   And they should be, just as we all try to be good moms.    

Answer 7

I don't think they are making a big deal about him. I have only seen one article about him, and that was in response to all the people asking "Where is his dad?"

I don't think anyone is confused as to who his biggest fan is...

Besides all that, MOST fathers DO see and support their kids after separation/divorce, unfortunately it's the few that don't that get all the attention and give all good dad's a bad name.

Answer 8

I don't agree with your statement, I don't see any special attention to divorced fathers..

About Michael Phelps' dad, the media just covers what the people will read. People have been asking where is his dad in all of this? So, the media tells them. It is not like he is being praised, people are just curious.

If it were his mom that weren't around, they would have done the same thing.

Answer 9

I disagree with your question and statement.  Instead of saying negative statements like this, say something positive about the dads who DO support their kids.

Answer 10

When a woman changes a diaper, stays up all night with her sick child, or goes without so that her child can have new shoes, it's considered normal parenting. When a man does any of the above, he's considered Parent of the Year. Sad but true and yes, it's aggravating.  

Answer 11

Is it even worth it to bother with marriage with all a man stands to lose and so little to gain from it ?