Why are introverts often misunderstood for being rude, depressed, or mean?

Question

i'm just wondering- i speak when spoken too- otherwise i keep to myself-

but i've often heard gossip about me being rude, depressed, or mean- when i'm just introverted!

i've had a lot of issues growing up with my self esteem and with abuses i dealt with as a kid- lack of love, support, etc- from family and friends and such- and i think in ways it makes me shy away from others and keep to myself- its not like i complain about this stuff- a lot of people dont even know half of the stuff i have had to deal with- and i like it that way- i dont want to be considered a person you must pity- because i'm okay- i'm not really depressed- i don't complain much and i am grateful of what i have-

but what's so wrong about being introverted-

it keeps you out of trouble- and it makes it where your conscious of your goals and what you want out of life!

Answer 1

because ppl judge before getting 2 know..introverts(i am one) dont let ppl in much, so ppl dont get to know you.alot of ppl are social(i can be at times but not always) so they dont understand that some ppl r just quiet.alot of depredded or mean ppl ignore others or just look down upon as unworthy of aknowledging others, so therefore if you r quiet, some ppl r just gonna assume taht.nothing u can do but just attempt to let others get to know u.....alot of ppl misunderstand me 2.ik where ur coming from

Answer 2

People assume they are mean or uncaring or detached because they don't feel the need to explain themselves.

Answer 3

most people don't know that you are introverts, so cheer up.

Answer 4

it's simple.... because they don't smile as much.

Answer 5

Extroverts are mindless talkative. Don't let their mindless gossip bug you.  They cannot comprehend how an introvert is. But you can understand them if you try.  You can even pretend to be one if you want.  

Answer 6

people get insecure when someone doesn't talk to them. they get paranoid and think that you dont like them. so the natural response is to not like you back (even though it's untrue). just smile more often. and try to have "friendly " body language. you dont have to say much, but at least you look approachable.

Answer 7

They aren't. It is just that they think to much about themselves that they worry themselves silly!  

Answer 8

I don't know. I was introverted too, and I found out later that most people

thought i was stuck-up.

Nobody told me they thought that.

Answer 9

Please understand what I am saying because I am not trying to be rude about anyone but I dealt w/ this but I got over being shy so have been on both sides

If you are really pretty, dress cute and you are an introvert then of course people are going to be saying you are rude etc

If you are ugly then of course your an easy target for people to make fun of you

Also, if you only speak to people when spoken to then it can come across as rude so you may want to try real hard to talk w/ people even if it takes you out of your comfort zone because it can be a lonely world out there but you can pick and choose who you do this w/ but try at least doing it with a few people who have talked w/ you before.

PS sorry for all your heart ache in your past  

Answer 10

Introverts are not really misunderstood ,it is in their nature to say nothing until they are spoken to.They are some times , tend to be rude depressed or even mean, they do not know that they are doing this, and say a lot about that they had no love when they were growing up,and end up with out friends.Introverts need to build their self esteem and their self confidence  and need to mix them selves with other people so that they will come out from their dilemma  

Answer 11

When we don't understand where another individual is coming from, in life many of us tend to just label them as being rude, snobbish, or aloof.  

I'm pretty introverted, and one of my good friends once told me that before they knew me they thought I was stuck up and an a*****e.  I just never really talk to people unless I know them, which I guess can seem unfriendly.  

I think people just don't tend to understand when others have a personality type that differs from their own.

Answer 12

The world is cruel that way. I'm like you, very introverted, especially in school. I get the same stuff... Hmmmm. I think people are just afraid of those who are different, of those who don't conform with the rest of our talkative, insecure society. Just think of your self as a passive non-conformist!

yay!

Plus Don't listen to what other people say. It's what you think of yourself that matters!

laters,

~Houston

Answer 13

I agreeeee, we're basically twins in this situation, except that I am mean sometimes because people are dumbasses. But what they don't get is that I'll call you out on ****, then drop it. They think that because I assertively told them to cut it out that I hate them forever. Keep in mind that guys dont do that with me, it's always the girls. I'M A GIRL BUT GIRLS ARE STUPID!

Answer 14

I'm like you too. I no longer care what people think. The more I leave them alone and they leave me alone the better for me peace and happiness.    

Answer 15

Because in America, it's encouraged to be outgoing, and if you aren't it's looked down upon like some sort of social disorder.  

I guess we just don't wear our hearts on our sleeves like our outgoing counterparts, and people feel the need to label each other, so "strange" and "quirky," "rude", or "weird" are the labels they come up with for introverts.

Answer 16

OMG! I'm the same way. For years, even my family who neglected to get to know me saw me as a depressed girl since I was 10. Enough about myself, I think you're fine. Don't worry what people think. Those who judge your behavior aren't really good people to begin with. If they taken time to get to know you and see why you come off mean or depressed then they would be mature and not make you a conversation topic. You're introverted like many amazing famous authors and directors. It's not a negative trait. At least youre not an annoying extrovert.  

Answer 17

Because society expects mean to be extroverts (which is what they think of as normal). I'm an introvert. People say I'm too serious and never laugh, but I do! I laugh and joke around so much when I'm with my friends. There is just nothing to laugh about when Im at work...

Answer 18

Good for you! Just be yourself!

Zefrem23, what's wrong with being a housewife with 5 kids? Your statement sounds like something a feminist would say.

Answer 19

I'm 16, and just a while ago, a classmate of mine told me she thought I was a stuck-up, another piped in and told me she thought I was rude. I felt really sad of course, but it just shows that I'm too shy and speak very little about myself.

I can't help it, I grew up lonely, playing by myself while adults went to work. I even watch too much tv, it's really hard growing up like this, I can't help not watching tv. But everything will go well, I'll grow out of it, I know it.

Answer 20

I am much like you: I find it hard around extroverts because they usually assume all those things and that being an extrovert is the way 'normal people' should be.

Answer 21

there is a girl at my school who is super shy and seems scared of everything and everyone.  i always thought she was probably nice just quiet and nervous so one day i tried to talk to her, not talk down to her just have a conversation. she totally blew me off and acted like she was better than me with one word answers and not looking me in the eye.  i think people like that ARE rude and their actions shouldnt be okay just because they are shy.

however, another girl i know is also very shy and when i was talking to her after class one day she was actually really nice and funny it just took her a minute to warm up to a new person.

i think its rude if you dont acknowledge people and treat them well, even if you prefer to be introverted.  but if your being cordial and friendly then i dont see any reason why people would gossip about you like that.

Answer 22

Because we as human beings inherit a lot of our low-level social interactions from our primate forebears, it's natural that people around us react in predictable ways to the non-verbal cues we put out. It's often said that "first impressions last", and when it comes to meeting someone for the first time a stranger can only go by what we present them with. If our deep-in-thought face looks dour to them because they don't know the subtleties and depths of our personality, it's not our fault nor it is theirs. The good news is that we can learn to fine-tune our non-verbal cues to be more appealing to other people, though it does take some time and effort. I've made big strides in turning my perpetually angry-looking face into something more approachable, all it took was time and persistence. Why did I bother? Because people react more favorably to me now, and that in turn makes me feel better about myself.

Another problem we as introverts have to deal with is that modern society (especially places like highschool and college) places so much effort on external appearance. If you're not good-looking and popular, our social schooling suggests, then you're not worth much. Of course, anyone who's been to a highschool reunion knows that the quiet ones are often those who achieve success, while the quarterbacks end up in crappy sales jobs and the cheerleaders end up as housewives with five kids.

So try to smile a little more, and remember that everyone's dealing with a lot of baggage, it's not just you - some of us just hide it better.

I hope that helped :)

Answer 23

I`m just like you, but I don`t care what people tell about me or what they think. :)

Answer 24

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. My best friend growing up was really shy and she was the same way as you and she would only really talk if spoken too. A lot of people wold just assume that she was rude and not friendly, when really she was just quiet. Honestly, people shouldn't be judging you for such things especially if they don't know you. It really sucks that you have to deal with those types of people, but it just goes to show that they aren't the type of people you wanna be friends with right now.

The one thing I can tell you would be to maybe try smiling/laughing more. If your meeting someone new or even if your just hanging out in a group of people. Smile, because a smile shows people that your friendly and your nice, or try going out of your way to help people in small ways. It will show people that your a sweet person who cares and it will also make you feel good as well for helping someone else out. It could be as small as holding open a door to talking to someone who looks bummed out or even helping someone pick up the books they dropped.

You seem like a really nice person and people will see that, they just tend to judge and that's something most will grow out of. Your obviously a strong independent person if you have been though some tough times, and a lot of times people who have been though tough things like you will revert to being mean and rude and will make others feel bad in an attempt to make themselves feel better. That could be one reason why those people started gossiping, because they just don't know what to do and they wanna bring someone else down. If you feel daring, try doing something nice for those people who started the gossip, and make them eat their own words. They'll realize they misjudged you and may even apologize. Hope this helps! You seem like a smart girl, I'm sure no matter what you'll figure it out. Keep that good head on your shoulders :)