How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance,
one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents,
one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn
in their time cards, one to depose, one to write
interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary
to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for
professional services.
Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?
Cats keep covering them with sand.
The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.
They had pictures of lawyers on them,
and people couldn't figure outwhich side to spit on.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could
save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country
while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
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