Why are men advised to be a challenge or play women in men's dating advice books?

Question

I have read about various tactics that men use on women to try to hook up with a hot woman. They are advised to be a challenge, use disconnectors (like cutting them off on purpose, saying they have to go, saying they don't want to do something, saying they are bored or forgot to call, for exs.) to get a woman's attention, This is necessary because beautiful women are spoiled brats with low frustration tolerance (an actual Psychology term). In other words, they are used to getting what they want, and when they don't they are irritated and will start working harder to get what they want- supposedly the man who is being a challenge. So what do feminists or men who have tried to do this or would not do this think? Does this work, is all this game playing necessary or is it the typical man-woman power struggle?

Answer 1

those books are written by fools for fools. Attracting another person is about being yourself, not playing a whole bunch of complex mind games-mostly because everyone has a different personality. Maybe one of the tricks worked on one woman, but ten others may be disgusted with the guy.

I hate those dating books, and its very obvious when a man or woman has read one and tries to hit on you.

Answer 2

All of my relationships have pretty much started out this way.  They played these head games with me.  In all cases the men became more demanding and controlling.  I became more of a people pleaser trying to get him to love me.  He would withhold his love to manipulate and control me. needless to say the relationships ended with emotional & physical abuse.  I feel that if a relationship starts out as a power struggle with a fondation of manipulation and control it is doomed to faliure.    I see the only way to have a good relationship is through honesty & trust. Mabey these books are talking about just getting laid and not advice for a real relationship.

Answer 3

Those books are written by idiots for idiots.

I personally love playing complex mind games but only for casual relationships.

If you *really* want that girl/guy, don't play so much games.

Answer 4

For the same reason that women's dating books also give advice about trying to hook up with a man by disrespecting him, ignoring phone calls, and somehow using their psychology against them.

None of these dating books offer advice for building meaningful relationships and connecting with people, but trying to gain their interest in ways that show complete lack of respect for the other person. They certainly encourage both men and women to engage in power-struggles which are completely detrimental to building a healthy relationship with them. If both are playing hard-to-get, who does the chasing anyway?

I would ignore all of them. It's more useful to try and be open and honest with the person about your intentions, respect their boundaries and refrain from witholding affection on the basis of maintaining an elusive upper-hand in the situation.

These books don't teach you anything unless you're trying to get into someone's pants, and even then, I'm not sure why I would jump into someone's pants if they ignored me and made excuses about it constantly.

Maintaining a healthy challenge by not being too available to the person because you're leading your own life is one thing, but deliberately pushing them away to get their attention is not only disrespectful to the other person, but it's a punishment for yourself too.

Answer 5

Actually, it's usually genuine boredom and a decision to get on to better more important things.

Women have a habit of reading more into things than is really there.

If this makes a woman "work harder" that's a good thing , maybe she'll be less of a bore next time.

*** In the past , in an attempt to be polite or chivalrous a guy might sit through a lousy date, but these days ,why should he ?

Answer 6

Well that explains why a lot of "hot" women I know connect with losers.  It seems that many of the best looking women I know are attracted to men to treat them poorly.  Why?

Answer 7

No, it works. But it only works on weak-minded women. It works on the women as stated that are used to having their way with men, and will do what ever it takes to ensure they continue to have their way. The one’s who normally use what they’ve got to get what they want. I've seen many of my guy friends use these tactics on some "hot girls" successfully. And the idiots just keep coming back for more.

But most of the men who use these tactics are men who're lonely, and really want some one in their lives, but are afraid of being hurt. They where once hurt by a "hot girl" so this is their way of getting all "hot girls" back for what that one girl did to them. And the cycle just keep's repeating itself until someone get's tired of playing games and really wants to settle down.

All in all, when it comes time for someone to really find a mate, they'll get sick of the head games, and the "play books" and they'll get serious. Most of these men and women who claim they enjoy the chase get burnt out with it like everyone else. It's not to cool when you go to wash your face in the morning and see a 40 yr old single, with no kids, living at home alone still eating T.V. dinners reflection starting back at you. Everybody wants' someone in their lives, and we all want to be wanted by someone. It's human nature. It's just that many people live an empty life for years before they come to the realization that all those games they played with many hearts (both men and women) only got them nothing but an empty house and a trail of tears (some theirs, and some of the people they’ve hurt).

Answer 8

If women, even the spoiled ones are up on game, these tactics do not work.  I went to see this FINE attractive guy at his place of work. He focused 95% of his attention on my lil cousin who was visting from out the country (she's 8). For a min I thought hey.. as he embrassed me long n close at the end.... HOWEVER I remembered hearing about the tactic of in a sense dissing the girl by not giving her attention, thus my feelings were not hurt and I was able to not get drawn in. Haha. Guys are so lame to stoop so low to using tactics. LOSER! lol. As fine as he was......

tHUMBS DOWN? Okay, wutever....be thinkin guys dont use skills/tactics to get a girl.

Answer 9

Ill answer the last first. Yes it is necessary, men and women do a dance to attract a mate this just happens to be one of them.

Does it work? Yes, generally speaking women (men to a lesser degree) are very self conscious and tie far too much of their self worth to their ability to attract and hold a mate. The basic premise is to make the woman feel undesired so she will work hard to be desirable to the man attacking her self worth. If she is successful she will fell better about herself and he will get what he wants.

Its really true the a$$holes get the hot girls, they just cant keep them. When you are looking for a keeper girl and not just a booty call you will change tactics and be the nice guy because your looking for a smarter more valuable mate who doesnt suffer the self esteem issues that the easy girls do.

Answer 10

It works on a certain type of women. I don't know exactly what that type is, but I know it's not me. I have a guy friend who treats women like that and he's never without female company. I don't respond to men who act like that, but maybe it's because I know what to expect from them because of how I've seen my friend act.

I think that if a guy just wants s*x then he has a good chance of getting it by playing these games, but meaningful relationships won't workout like that.

Answer 11

Its childish to play games and I don't follow other peoples rules.  I think it is cruel to mislead someone in the hopes to invade/take advantage of them.

Answer 12

I guess it's just like women who use "The Rules" as a way to attract the attention of men.  Many in both sexes use games. I'd rather be honest and be with like minded people.

Answer 13

"Men's dating advice books" are only for that - teaching them some "time-tested tricks" that will guarantee "numerous notches on ones bed post". If they didnt entice men with such "promising material", they may not sell.

I never had the need to read such books for real advice. For someone whos a natural, books arent needed. Yes some of this game playing does give results, but the depth or longevity of such relationships that needed games to be played are debatable.

Answer 14

No, its because dating books will do anything to get money from those who lack social skills.  Women's magazines and books have been doing the same thing to men for ages.