Why are men allowed to behave like this to women?

Question

I went to the Post Office this morning to send a birthday give to a friend through the post. The PO was in a shop, and there was no queue, just a guy there who looked around 23. I stood waiting and while the guy was having his cash counted by the man behind the counter, he looked me up and down several times with a smug grin on his face, he couldn't have made it anymore obvious. When he was done, he didn't walk out, he stood back about 3-4 feet behind me and waited for me to finish. I looked back at him and he raised he eyebrows at me with that smug grin, and continued to stare at my bum, which I could see do through the reflection of the glassed off counter. Feeling really uncomfortable I left in the other direction without looking at him so he didn't have a chance to start talking to me. As I walk off, he then whistled loudly at me, not caring who heard.

I'm really annoyed, as I've witnessed this sort of thing loads of times. I was really uncomfortable with he behaviour and my body language showed him that, but he continued to act that way.

What gives men the right to treat women so disrespectfully and to embarrass them in pubic?

Do any men here act like this?

Answer 1

Flip him off and say eat s--t and die!  why sit and act like you are a victim?

Answer 2

To anyone who said you gave him the right - dammit no you didn't!!

The reason was that he was dragged up rather than brought up, and his mother most likely had been treat by men like that her whole life and knew nothing other.

Alternatively, his mother could be very well respecting and have brought him up to be a good boy, and he's just a scrote!

Answer 3

While not men are like this, some men simply feel they are entitled to leer at women as if they owned their bodies. They pay no attention to body language and don't realize that while some women might appreciate the compliment, other women don't want to feel like a sexual object to creepy guys at the post office.

I understand your discomfort at calling him on the situation, and it is intimidating to do so in public in front of everyone. Who knows how he might react. If you were scared, you did the right thing.

At the same time, in a situation where you weren't scared of the person, it would be totally appropriate in my view, to speak up for yourself.

This kind of leering happens to me often on the bus and subway, and I usually express disgust towards them and find a seat or stand somewhere else.

It's trickier if you're there because you have business to attend to. But if there are other people around, like the post office employee, the chances of this guy picking a fight with you are slim. I would have done something like, say excuse me to the employee, turn around, and confront the man.

There is a name for this behaviour, and it is called public harrasment. Your example here may seem milder than the ones discussed, but make no mistake, it stems from the same behaviour! It is not intentionally used as such, but serves to keep women away from public areas by making these places uncomfortable for them. I know it's hard, but whenever you feel able to do so, I encourage you to confront the situation with the person who is treating you this way.

When enough women (and men!) make it known that this kind of treatment is unwelcome, the behaviours will become less acceptable and hopefully, less commonplace.

Answer 4

You should have been wearing your burka.  

Answer 5

were not all like that...i mean i look,but i dont want the lass to fee uncomfortable..so i dont make it obvious.that's where dark glasses come in handy....

would you still be asking this question if it were enrica englasias doing the looking?

Answer 6

if it was me i would have said something like 'what you looking at' or 'in your dreams fat boy or ugly' men can be such idiots and they have no right to look at women like that.they are bought up the wrong way or end up like pigs?!!

Answer 7

Those who do act with such ill manners would not admit it, but I can honestly say I was raised to not stare at women like that. A shame more women can't have a good line to say to men and not feel timid.

A fast "If your bits were as big as your eyes, you might have a girl of your own" would put a lot of these rude gits in their place.

It may not hurt for you to get a bit of self-protection training, a swift kick in one place and a jab in the other or worse if a man tries to harm you, that will help. If you were my sis I would want you to know how to take care of oversized, not too bright sorts.

Sad a man has to say it, but it does need to be said: Everyone deserves respect and to not be stared at as though they were the choice cut of meat in a butcher's shop window.

Answer 8

You know we cannot do right by you ladies, if we do not look, we are called, if we do not whistle, we are called, if we do not compliment, we are called play the social game what do you want?, No, I am not a perv, I am not a Slim, No I am not a Smart AS, If I see an attractive girl/women I will give her a compliment by smiling as regards dressing her down, well i would not do that, BUT that works in the opposite direction as well, Am  I right?

Answer 9

They were raised by piggy boys with no scruples or a sense of decency.

Answer 10

that was one man.  every other man you saw didnt do that

you need to put things in perspective

Answer 11

Yep, first answerer is right. When men behave like this, and the women they do it to demonstrate that they are uncomfortable and skulk off in the other direction, the men feel big and powerful. When the woman stands up to him and demands that he not look at her like a piece of meat, that demands his respect and humiliates him into acting like a human being. If men treat you like this, it's because you let them by showing him that he affected you, but you were too scared to say anything to him about it.

EDIT: I see your add about his size, but you were also in public, in a place of business. Did you think he'd attack you in front of other people in broad daylight? No wonder you demonstrated to him that he intimidated you. But then you can't ask why he treated you like that.

Answer 12

because they scared and lonely. everybody hates them

Answer 13

because SOME men are total sleezes. total dirtbags. full stop.

Answer 14

You gave him a right when you didn't call him on it right there in front of everyone!  

Answer 15

Absolutely disgraceful.

I mean if a babe has a decent bum a decent guy would show his appreciation by squeezing it (or at the very least patting it)

To just stare and do nothing is very ungallant,I can understand you being upset babe.

Answer 16

i dont know why they do it....i have noticed men in white vans honking saying 'alright blondy your looking good' infront of my mum! its embarressing and degrading for me because im  a proffessional woman.the other day i was seeing a client and a builder shouted down to me infront of them "f*cking h**l your fit" it enrages me. but now i just wear trakkies and no one notices me so i guess you get what you give tbh

Answer 17

I really hope that's a typo in the second to the last line. Or is it a Freudian slip?  Anyhow, a lot of men are pigs.  They weren't raised properly.  Once some guys in a pest control truck hooted and hollered at me so I called their company and read the owner the riot act.  Doubt if they had jobs to come back to on Monday...

Answer 18

No, it's not cool. You shouldn't have to make a spectacle of yourself to make one of him. There are rare occasions when I feel incredibly intimidated, namely because you don't know what the other person is capable of. You get a toothless scally that can be openly aggressive and things get ugly. If he's not, then I tend to look them straight in the eye and glare at them. More often than not they'll look away real quick.

The only time I don't think women have the right to complain is when they dress like tarts and then wonder why men gawp at them. If you wear the shortest skirt or your top is cut so low you're falling out, that's the kind of attention you want so don't act offended.

I'm sorry you had to put up with that creep though. Where's a good guy when you need one!

Answer 19

I would never treat a pensioner this way, its disgraceful

Answer 20

Practice saying this to anyone who stares at you: "Excuse me, is there something wrong/can I help you with something/were you going to say something?"

Answer 21

That's a very good question, but the only explaination i can come up with is that he is a perverted sicko. I don't know of any males that would ever make a woman feel like that. I can understand the occasional checkout because girl do it to... He just has to be a discusting piece of life form.