Why are most men afraid of marriage?

Question

We're 25, we have 3 kids (under three years old), we all live together and just recently bought a house. We have been together for 8 years with no "breaks"! Although he did lie to me recently about girls from his job calling him and texting him. He was doing it in secret, and talked to them more than me. We have talked about getting married numerous occasions. One minute he talks about being married, and the next hes "not ready" He says hes not ready to be married yet, but I am. I have explained to him how important it is to me! I stay at home with our kids, he works. They have his last name. He says he doesn't want to get married just because we have kids. Never was this the reason. I love him and I know he loves me! Why does he not want to marry me? I have given up so much for my family! When is my all good enough for him? Why does he feel this way after all we've done together? Is he ever going to be happy?

What should I do? I just don't want 10 years to go by and he decide he wants to leave me, and i have nothing to show for it!

Advice please!!!

Answer 1

Men are not afraid of marriage. your boyfriend does not have a reason to marry you. you give him everything that a wife does, what is the point of marrying you. (i don't mean to make it sound mean) but he really does not have any incentive. because you have children and he is the provider, you put yourself in a position where he is in control. find ways to take control of your own life.  

Answer 2

Maybe you should have thought about all that before you decided to have three kids and buy a house.So what you are saying is you gave up all you had to be with him, but what is he willing to give up to be with you.He sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it too, but the thing is if he gets married to you he will not be able to play his game then.See what he is doing now is wrong but not by the law  only by his so called love for you.See if he Merry's you and he played his game then you could take him to court (maybe).Girls calling him and texting him is not going out and cheating.See the thing is at this time if you dumped him the most you could get is for your three kids and that's it.Look just tell him how you feel that you want more then you are getting.Your doing all the things a real wife would do but you just don't have his last name.Tell him you want to get married or your taking the kids and moving out and you will take him to court over the kids.Or unless you want to be married so if he plays his game then you can take him to court and take him for all he has.House and his money."Money is not the issue" ya right you have all you want with out marrage other then his name.Take what you can get and call it good he maybe just not ready to give his freedom up yet.

Answer 3

Because we want to keep what we have earned by our hard work. Instead of some Court telling us we have to give it up to a chick who wont go get a job.

Answer 4

Its is hard for a man to give up that available status for any reason. Im not saying hes cheating on you its just that its kinda like a rite of passage and hes not ready, ya know?! Some guys are ok with the idea of marriage though. And i dont like saying it but a way to get him to marry you is abstinence :/ ha see wut happens then, of course it could backfire so when u say it, say it when ur sure he wouldnt leave cuz of s*x

Answer 5

First of all I must say to the idiots saying that tired old drawn out "Why buy the cow" bullshit, Unless they were VIRGINS on their wedding night, they have NO ROOM TO TALK!

Ok, to your question, you really, really gave this man EVERYTHING without requiring him to give you his name.  So now of course, he sees no reason to be married.....I think he is being immature, yes.  I mean, you two have a family now, and married or not, he cannot just up and walk away (not in good conscious, anyway).

My advice to you is this:

Set a date.  Tell him that this is it.  You two are getting married and coming to full circle on what you started.  He can be a man, and do what he SHOULD of done before those three precious ones were conceived.

ADD ON- and I agree with you, young children need their mom at HOME....I stayed home when my boys were small.  NO ONE else in the WORLD would love and care for them like I would- and it was worth it....the work world will ALWAYS be there, but children are only small ONCE.

Answer 6

I wonder why you can't be happy with what you have; it's more solid than a LOT of marriages out there today.  If you push him, you may run him off.  

I think the more important issue is why he lied to you about talking to and texting those girls.  You know what they say: where there is ONE lie, there are MORE lies, always and without exception.  There seems to be more underlying problems than you're discussing here.

Answer 7

You should have pushed the marriage issue to the point of "either we do ...or else" long ago.  This guy wants all the benefits without the responsibilities that go with a marriage.  And he's losing out on a tax credit not being able to claim you.  He's keeping his "final option" open, thinking there'll actually come a day when all he has to do is walk out on all his responsibilities easy as pie.  Not thinking about his relationship with the children, responsibilities for the home you two share, all go up in smoke real easy in his mind if he wants to leave you one day.

Answer 8

I completely disagree with Valerie - ultimatums are very nasty things.  Even if it works he'll have that to throw in your face from every fight from your wedding day until your untimely divorce.

But I think it's time to lay it all down for him, when the timing is right tell him that you and him have been committed to each other for a long time, you have kids, a place, a good relationship and everything except the one last step.  Then ask him to marry you, tell him you'll have a small private ceremony in a month and it won't cost much.

It's a bold move, but I think he may just need a gentle (but positive) nudge.

Answer 9

I'll marry you. I am not afraid.

Answer 10

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

You give out free s*x and you wonder why most men will take that without any committment?!!?

The women's "liberation" movement is the greatest fraud in the history of mankind!  The joke is on you!

Answer 11

He's afraid of commitment

Answer 12

Because he is never gonna marry you. Come on.. After all those years, 3 kids, and living together?????? Your first mistake was living with him. You are right, at any given moment he can just get up and leave with no consequences. Why would you do that to yourself. If a man truly loves a women there are no doubts, no questions, especially after 3 kids. I hate to be the one to tell you but you are a example of girls that shack up with guys and end up crying in the end because you realize that you were just good enough to live with and not marry. When he meets the women he really loves and wants to marry it will not take him 3 years and a bunch of kids. Sorry. You asked and I'm not trying to be mean, just learn from this and move on. Good luck with your kids. Oh and by the way, in case you decide to keep waiting for marriage from this guy, you will be waiting and wasting years and you will look back years from now and regret.

P>S> Been there!