Why are mothers who use CIO labelled as lazy and inattentive?

Question

I've had to start letting my 12 month old daughter cry it out. I have to do it, she sleeps no longer than 1 hour tops through the night and is waking to play. She doesn't want a feed, or cuddle. She wakes up and wants to play, and when I try to resettle her she screams and yells at me in temper. It effects her through the day, she won't play or eat. I'm literally doing the only thing I can for her by forcing her to sleep at night and it's hard for me.

So why do people make the automatic assumption that you're lazy?

Answer 1

No one is entitled you judge you! You sound like you are doing a great job under difficult circumstances.  

Answer 2

I cant believe anyone would say that using the CIO makes you lazy. I dont know about you but it is really hard to let your baby cry even if you know their is nothing wrong. I am the mother of a 16 mnth old who we had a terrible time getting on a schedule. Eventually we used the Cio method but we checked on him every 15 mins. It was heartbreaking and exhuasting but in the end totally worth it. Im know pregnant with baby#2 and will start the sleep training way earlier. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Because people are judgemental.

Don't worry about what other people say.  If you are doing something that you agree with and isn't harming your child, then go for it.

I don't practice CIO, but I don't judge people that use it.  It's really none of my business and I don't know what your personal situation is at home.  

Keep your head up, mom!

Answer 4

Who cares what people think?

You know you're doing the right thing and that's all that matters.  She's 1 year old, you're not going to harm her psyche.

Good luck!

Answer 5

It's a whole lot harder to let them cry it out than to give in.  So kudos to you for sticking it out.  I'd expect to be called icy, immune (to the cries), and other accusations behind my back.  Lazy's a new one.  I'm alright with any of those.  What you think about me is none of my business.  I'm a great mom, raising kids with the bar set high.

Answer 6

For the same reason that you'll be judged on spanking/not spanking, being a SAHM/working outside the home, vaccinating/not vaccinating, circumcising/not circumcising, and breast feeding/formula feeding - everyone has their own opinion, and everyone thinks they're right.  Basically, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.  So don't worry what anyone else thinks of your decision, and just do what you think is right.

Answer 7

Because it is cruel. Babies cry for a reason and it is your job as their mother to provide the comfort they need, whatever time it is. Its got nothing to do with you being lazy or not because it is not about you, its about your baby. Babies arent babies for long and the sleepless nights dont last forever.

Answer 8

You are doing the right thing.  Kids have to learn somehow to self soothe and can't always rely on Mommy or Daddy to do it for them.

Answer 9

I don't use (or ever plan to) use CIO, but I also am not in everyone's house observing their individual situations.  

Answer 10

Who has told you that you are lazy and inattentive?  I see nothing in your post about people critcizing you.

Answer 11

Because certain people expect you to parent the way they do, and if you don't then you are completely wrong.  Just ignore those people.  

Answer 12

Probably because you are not doing what they did with their kids.  Every child is different and responds differently to how we raise them.  You are the parent to your child no one else, if this method works for you and you child then use it.  You know it is not hurting her and eventually she will learn to fall asleep on her own and stay asleep.  Some kids just need a little more time than others.  Hang in there, it will get easier.

Answer 13

Who cares what others think. You do what works for you. This child needs sleep and if the only way she is going to get her much needed sleep is to cry it out then do it. This won't last for long. It is hard.....very, very hard but it is needed sometimes. You need sleep too!

Answer 14

Because so many people seem to think that their way is the only way.  I haven't had to do this yet as my daughter is only 4 months old and I hope I never have to because I know it will break my heart to hear her crying but if I have to do it, I will.  

Answer 15

I don't think you are lazy.  I did the same with my son.  Some crying is good for them.  It teaches them how to self-sooth and that they don't always get their way.  One bit of advice, make sure you are creating a bedtime/naptime routine.  Start about an hour before you want her to lay down.  Start talking to her about how it's getting to be bedtime/naptime and to pick up toys, take a bath, get a drink, read a book, etc.  By doing this, you create a transition for her that is expected and will be easier for her to adjust to the activity.  If you aren't already doing this, it will take a little time to get adjusted to it AND you have to be as consistent as possible with it.

Answer 16

I second every word Zaza said (typed!) and if she hadn't allready said it, I would.

Do what is best for you and your baby and don't be bothered with someone eles'  OPINION.  :-)