Why are parents of autistic children threatened by independent autistic adults?

Question

I have noticed this over and over, that parents of autistic children are constantly put off and obviously defensive when dealing with adults who have autism and are still able to be fully independent. Why is this the case?

Answer 1

Firstly: I am autistic (despite being half-decent at tricking people into thinking I am not)

To a large extent this is not true IE many autistic parents truly thing they are giving each child the maximum independence he/she can handle or can expect to be given from society...but I see it is often neglected that it can be true.  

   My parents, for example, generally treat me well but always cut my rewards short of what they give my 4-years-younger brother.  I am a distance runner, to the point I win awards in virtually every race I enter vs. my brother isnt in good shape and has been caught smoking pot...I'm an equally good student but he gets more chances to go out instead of dealing with his job or school work...my job is now far better than his own as is my girlfriend situation...I am a homeowner while he struggles to keep up his car and apartment... An obvious example is he was allowed to have g/f at 14 while I could not even stay at a supervised prom past 10:30 when I was 18...and somehow they wonder why I had trouble learning about women.  :-D

   But granted, he's more handsome and popular than I am and that, apparently, trumps all my accomplishments in their minds.  

   Personally I think my parents love me, just not enough to keep them from coaxing their own egos about having beautiful kids and breaking through the family barriers (to be honest, both my mother and father are terrible dorks...my father in particular is nearly as 'autistic', at least socially, as myself) .  They figure, even if we both do well, my brother will be able to leave their legacy in a form that strongly influences people and I won't.  And, to top it off, I get the feeling they would have be very scared of legal charges, at least before I got my job and home, of being neglectful parents by letting someone they knew was Autistic live such a normal "risky" life.

   To sum it up the majority of people live life as "innocent until proven guilty" while living as an autistic means living "guilty until proven (and re-proven several times) innocent".  Fortunately I am a stubborn SOB and that is how I get by living like a normal person no matter how much other people hate that "misbehavior" by my part.

Answer 2

Just guessing, but perhaps they prefer to think that autistics should remain child-like and dependent.  It renders them needed.  I'd also say that most autistics may not be highly functional, so it represents a disconnect for them.  They may simply be misinformed and having trouble processing this new info.

Answer 3

Perhaps they don't like to be reminded that their children will always appear different.

Answer 4

I am choosing my words carefully here, I have never noticed this before, however I am not autistic. If you are autistic and you did experience this I am sorry. One reason may be, and please don't take this personally, because I do not know you at all, but I think parents have the highest of hopes for all their children autistic or not. Maybe the level you are functioning at is below what "these so called parents" want to believe their child can reach. This is only my opinion. The reading I have done on autistic children is that early intervention and lots of stimulation and therapy is very helpful. However I don't know what the treatment was say 20 yrs ago. There are also many levels or degrees of autisim. This is only my opinion and I am sorry if I "assumed" to much.

Answer 5

I am a mother of an Autistic 3 year old and I don't feel this way, in fact I feel the opposite, I feel that I have alot to learn from Autistic adults.  I feel that maybe they can give me insight into what my daughter will feel growing up and what adversities she may face and how they dealt with these, I am very interested and not threatened by those who are adults with Autism.

Answer 6

My brother is autistic, and I have never found that to be true.  Odd that you have?

Answer 7

I honestly couldn't answer that question. But I will share with you what I've also noticed: there are many people with special needs children or loved ones in their life who when confronted with another person with a disability they respond in much the same way as people who cringe around those with disabilities.

Sadly it appears that in life we all have much more tolerance and acceptance for what touches our life or hearts directly and little for anything 'different' even if that 'different' is the same as whats in our own backyard.

Hope that makes sense.

Answer 8

From my own experience parents believe that they are doing the right thing by cotton wooling their children.

It part it is because so many people would have told them "Well they will never do this and that" so to prevent the child/adult from failing they prevent them from trying.

Most the time it is out of misguided love. They don't reliase that what they are actually doing is preventing them from ever achieving any sort of achievement

Answer 9

i know where your coming from. Its because usually adults with autism (like me and im assuming you if you are asking this question ) alot of times are anti-cure or atleast if not anti-cure we are atleast usually anti groups like autism speaks and CAN.  Parents can get defensive over that type of stuff

Answer 10

Your question doesn't make complete sense. My father is autistic and one of my children is autistic. I've never felt threatened by either of them. They have a pervasive development disorder that makes them slightly different, but both are independent. Just accept people for who they are.

Answer 11

To put it bluntly: you don't know what you're talking about.

Answer 12

I dont see this.  I am a special ed para educator and have been for 9 years, 6 of these years working one on one with autistic children.  One of my students also lived in my neighborhood, and after he had moved on from the school I am in, I used to babysit for him and his brothers.  I also have a neice and an adult brother in law who are special needs, neither autistic though.  What I see more, is parents of any special needs child, looking towards these independent adults as role models and hope.  We all dream that one day these studenst will be able to maintain an independent adult life.  For some it is not possible, my neice an example, will never be able to be on her own.  But as educators and the parents, we work together to strive for the highest degree of independence that we can.

Answer 13

One of the forums I run is for parents of autistic kids. Until the Aspies who work with me in running the forum set them straight, the parents seem to consistently treat the autistics in their family is lovable but dopey mascots at best and expensive or onconvenient burdens at worse.

Once we point out all the great attributes autistics have, the end result is hostility from parents who are really feeling guilty about the mistreatment of their kids.

They just hate their own ignorance.