Question:

Why are people always looking for their birth parents?

by | earlier

Really why??? I was adopted and I HATE my birth parent. Seriously , I hate that piece of Shxx that I use to called my parents.

I really don't understand why , anybody would want to do that? It makes your REAL parents( people who adopted you ) feel REALLY bad.

Seriously , why in the h**l would you do that to your real parents? I couldn't imagine telling my REAL parents that I wanted to reunite with the people who had me.

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not everyone hates there birth parents maybe they are trying to find themselves everyone has there reasons.
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some people feel the need to ask their real parents questions and discuss what happend when they were born!
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because their curious of who they are and what they are i guess
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health issues. with our family it is health issues. so we wonder what was passed on through the birth parents of my husband. also, it seems as if you shouldn't live with all that anger, maybe you should meet them and get that off your chest. maybe they thought you would have a better life.
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its not usually because they dont love or want to be with there adopted parents, they just want to know who there blood parents are. if i was adopted i would want to know.
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because they want to know about the life that they could have had, or would of had, or even should have had.

It's natural human curiosity
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I agree with you. Why would anyone want to do such a thing? I came from some woman and guy. They didn't want me. They gave me up. Do I really need to know anymore?

It's ridiculous. Some people think they NEED to know.
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People need closure and a sense of who they are. Their natural family is part of who they are no matter how you may feel.
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Speaking of "fake" people.........hmmmm.

Oh the question. Right. Because I want to know my story.

And thanks for your concern but my parents are just fine.
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Not everyone that gives a child up is a looser. Sorry you feel your were. They just want to know most stories turn out good. It there choice.
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Curiosity to see where you came from.......

also, it would be nice to see what you could expect health wise when you grow up.
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Most people need to know something of their history to understand who they are.
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[Seriously , why in the h**l would you do that to your real parents? ]

Seriously, what makes you think that an adoptee is incapable of loving two sets of parents?
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Not everyone has had the same experiences that you have. People want explanations. To see where they got their looks, height, etc. To see if their birth parents love them. Usually, there is something missing in the searchers life and they hope that finding their birth parents will help fill that void. People have even gone looking for health reasons. Hard to fill out a medical profile if you don't know the answers.
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It's mainly to know where you come from. To know your roots. To know if you have siblings or not (especially for those who live in smaller towns and cities, they need to know who NOT to date, ya know?). For me now, I only want 1 thing from my birth mother now, and that's my medical history. So that my Doctors and I know what types of things we need to watch out for health wise.

Report (0) (0) | earlier
While your bitterness is understandable it is not healthy

let it go they did not get ride of you they knew they couldn't keep you or give you a good life so they gave to to a couple so you could be a family

you must have great parents but do not judge what you do not know
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I'm sorry you feel that way, hating people and such.

My first parents weren't bad people at all.  I have a great relationship with my first dad.  We get on quite nicely.

I'm capable of loving a variety of people.  Knowing my first family had nothing to do with loving my adoptive family.  One set doesn't "replace" the other in my heart or my life.

It's not at all unusual for persons to have an interest in their own origins.  With genealogy being one of the most popular hobbies in the US and Europe, that is quite clear.  Adopted persons are no different.

By the way, it didn't make my adoptive parents feel bad.  They were mature enough to realize that adopting meant I had a family prior to being in their family.  Should I stop speaking to them now that I'm married, though?  After all, I've taken on another family via marriage.

Report (0) (0) |   earlier
Welcome, Matthew!  I see you arrived here today, all hot and angry in the adoption section.  yawn.

I know what you mean--why would anyone want to know where they came from?!  Why would anyone ever take a history class?  Why do we have museums?

What kind of people are curious about boring stuff like THAT?

Why can't we be more like dogs, and live in the present, right?
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
You are a very sad person. I believe you have some serious issues. I am adopted and I do NOT hate my birth parents. Your parents are addicts and they are sick; they have a disease like cancer. Most people cannot just simply snap their fingers and undo addiction. And I think its wrong to hate people YOU don't even know; you don't know their character. It's a blessing to be adopted. You are NOT in foster care and you are lucky. You should praise God daily and be happy that you had a good life. HATE is a strong word and you shouldn't use it. They gave you life and there is nothing to hate. Being in jail is not a crime or 'hatable' offense. They are probably poor people who got caught up in drugs w/ little options in life. BE Glad you were saved!

NOW...as to why people find their parents - well..curiousity. Most people yearn to know who they look like and where they come from. I find that if you are very happy and had a good childhood, then you wonder a little less like I do, but NOW that I have had a child, I want her to know them, so lately I've been thinking about finding them!
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Curiosity. They want to see the people who gave them life. In some cases, many want to thank their birth mother for the selfless choice she made. I have a friend whose mother had her at age 14... my friend is 16 now and recently saw her natural mother. Her real parents were all for it, and went to see the natural mother with her. My friend and her parents thanked the natural mother a lot, and were pleased to see she had changed from the 14 year old kid with a very, very messed up life to a mature, responsible woman who now has a baby son, a good husband and a nice house. According to my friend, she's a wonderful woman and my friend loves her very much for what she did. She was also happy to see her half biological brother, and plans to keep in touch with them. All of which her adoptive/real parents support 100%.
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REAL?

They kicked me out when I was 17 because I would infect their 'real' daughter with my sexuality 'demons'.

I wasn't worth the money they had paid to adopt me.

I wasn't worth the trouble of school, or money.

I wasn't part of their family, because nothing as pathetic as me would come from them.

They were glad my parents were dead, so no more 'bad children' could be produced.

You think you have the right to say who my real parents are?

I am glad that you had a happy experience. I am sad that you had a bad start. I really am. But that doesn't mean that only one parent has to be the 'real' one.

If you have siblings, how can your parents love more than one child, the same way that people with more than two parents love all of them.

We all have more than two parents. Some families are more accepting of that, and some families are better parents than others.

But don't you dare tell me that the man who broke my nose, lip, teeth is my only father.

They were no family.
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YOU know what you are one of those that make ME VERY mad! I understand your reasons for not liking your biological parents..I wouldn't like my parents either if they were drug users.. But you know some people who give their children up for adoption AREN'T drug users, or scumbags, or pathetic losers..Some of them of VERY responsible and that is WHY they do it! I at 18 got pregnant and KNEW i wouldn't be able to provide and give my daughter what she needed..I was in nursing school and could barely afford to go to school let alone provide for a innocent child. She deserved more than I could give her, I had such big dreams for her and I wanted her to have what every child should be entitled to! I wasen't on drugs nor was i irresponsible..I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR PUTTING MY DAUGHTER first and giving her the life she deserved! Just because you hate your biological parents doesn't mean EVERYONE does..
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Because they want to know the truth of their origins.

My adoptive parents don't feel bad - in fact my adoptive Mom turned up on the doorstep with a bunch of roses jumping up and down with excitement on the day I reconnected with my natural family. She knows my search had nothing to do with how I felt about her! we are all very close.

Sorry your parents sucked.

Perhaps you have brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents and extended family - do you hate all of them.
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For me - I have two sets of parents - and both are very real to me.

I don't feel the need to place more importance on one or the other - as that is my choice.

My bio parents weren't drug addicts or abusive or neglectful. They just lived in a time when it was incredibly shameful to be expecting a child without being married.

That's what happened throughout the 60's and 70's in Australia and the USA. Most adoptions had nothing at all to do with neglectful parents.

That's my story - my truth - and no matter - for me - I just needed to find out that truth for myself - hence - my search for where I came from and why I was adopted.

Sadly - your truth would appear to be more tragic - of are you just speculating??

Have you found out for yourself - or are you going by what others have told you.

Either way - as an adult - that's your own personal choice as to which way you wish to go - which path you wish to take.

I wish you luck - and peace - which ever way you go.

For me - I just needed to know for myself.

From the many many adoptees I know - that is usually why most adoptees end up searching.

It isn't about pleasing anyone else - or hurting anyone else.

It's just about finding their own personal truth.

Report (0) (0) | earlier
Not all kids have your experience and background, so not all adult adoptees feel the same as you do.

I don't hate my mom.  She didn't want to let me go to adoption.  She thought she had no other option.  She was diabetic and couldn't earn enough income to support us kids, so she gave us up.  I don't know if they didn't have government assistance in those days, or if she was just a battered wife who hadn't learned what resources were available.

So, I don't have any anger or hatred towards my mother.  I don't remember my father well enough to have any opinion.

cw
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