Why are people shy?

Question

i have a friend and she doesn't like to hang with anyone else but me. i hate this because i like to hang with a bunch of people. when we go out to eat, i would invite other people along and she gets mad at me and wouldn't talk to anyone...just sitting there focusing on her food. she says she feels uncomfortable around people, but i tell her that she needs to get out of her shell so she won't be so shy. she doesn't want to listen to me and says she's been shy forever and don't want to change. im frustrated. how can i help her not be too shy? i don't want to hang with only her all the times...its getting really boring. help me please...

Answer 1

She may have a harder time with you if the others you invite she does not know as well or they are more your friends than hers.  If you would really like to see her more comfortable, maybe ask her what other person she might want to go out with, her choice.  

Often times shy people do not like the competitive factor when there are many friends, like they have to work at getting attention.  They like there to be no pressure of who is paying attention to who.  Being with only one person can be really nice if you focus on enjoying each other, making new memories, and learning new things out about each other.

On days you feel like being around more people or other friends, maybe be honest with her and ask herwhether she feels like hanging out or if she would rather not go, and make that okay.  You are not her caretaker, just her good friend.  ENjoy your friendship!

Answer 2

maybe you should sit down with her and have an honest talk. tell her how you really feel, and tell her that you want answers to why shes asking so weird. at the same time make sure that she knows that you still want to be her friend. it also might help if you ask her how she can attach to you so easily but no one Else.

Answer 3

I think you're a great friend for caring about her like this (you obviously care enough to be here asking for advice). Try to be patient and not be frustrated with her. If she has been shy all her life, you've to understand it'll be hard for her to just come out of her shell and be an extrovert. Some people are naturally shy, and others develop shyness due to their life experiences. Shyness also has to do with low self-confidence. Shy people are usually focused on what others think about them, how they'll judge them or that they're judging them, that they won't be liked for whatever the reason, that they'll mess up (maybe say the wrong thing, act the wrong way) and not be accepted or liked, etc. As a result of all these, they prefer to be quiet and keep to themselves, in a way to avoid them. It's like an inner struggle. Tho I said, some peope are naturally shy, many times it is because they've go through some things in their lives to make them want to keep to themselves and seclude themselves from everyone else. She may have also encountered a problem with someone from some of the other people you hang around with. Maybe she thinks the other girls don't like her or are talking about her, or she's afraid they will not like her or willl find her boring when they get to know her. As a good friend, what you can do is let her know how you feel and do not hold anything back. It's important she understands where you're coming from. Tell her you understand that she's shy and that it's not easy for her to be around people, but it would be really good for her to be more open and out-going. Then next time you're together, invite along one other person (you would let your shy friend know, of course) that you both are friends with. Start small like that. If you're going to invite more people, make sure it's a few people. Then gradually increase. If she does not want to change and is pulling you down, let her know how you need to be around other people, but don't stop being her friend. You two can still hang out other times and do things together.

Answer 4

Look she has a problem with being in a shell so just be a friend and invite her along on things no how much or little she talks.........You could invite her to go with a group sometimes and just her other times so both are somewhat happy

Answer 5

i don't think its possible to answer this question properly on yahoo answers to be honest. It could range from common teenage insecurities to a more serious mental disorder like 'social phobia' or 'High Anxiety Disorder'. However trying to force her 'out of her shell' and into social situations she doesn't want to be in is going to have an opposite effect to what you want for her.

Answer 6

You are right and she is wrong but to pester somebody is not going to work.

Rest assured she wishes she was more like you but she is uncomfortable and hates it when people bring up her shyness .

It is the worst thing you can do . Just leave her alone but ask if she wants to come along.

Answer 7

Let's see if I can help with this. The girl you describe could so easily be me.

I have three friends I feel comfortable with. Whenever I am with one or more of them, plus others I don't know well, I feel ignored and anxious. I feel this way because they aren't talking to me, and I get nervous, because I'm with so many others. It could be very possible she's got sever shyness, known as social anxiety or social phobia.

You say you tell her to come out of her shell...that's easier said than done. A social phobic usually needs therapy to be able to break that shell. There's really not too much you can do about her shyness. However, you could try to introduce her to one or two of your friends several times, until she feels a bit comfortable with them.

Just don't push it too much, or you could hurt your friendship. If you're really concerned that this could be hurting her mentally and emotionally, you should talk to a trusted adult (guidance counselor at school, perhaps). They can then talk to her or her parents, and help her.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Regardless of what you do, remember that you are the only person who can make decisions for yourself, and your friend is the only person who can make decisions for herself.

If she truly prefers being shy then that is her choice and no one can make her be anything else.

If you want to be social then don't bring her along when you hang out with larger groups.  If she gets upset, then that's too bad because she can't stop you from doing what you want to do and being what you want to be.

I find that with my shy friends, though, they're usually okay if I hang out with larger groups sometimes and then hang out with them at other times.

Answer 9

Find out her zodiac. She might be a deep thinker. Thinkers spend a lot of time entertaining how weird everyone thinks they are accept in one on one relationships where you can only show off to one another. Check it out. It's true.

Answer 10

I am shy.. but not that shy! Do you know what? Have a sleepover with her, bring her over and do like girly stuff and have a game or truth or dare, and also do a lot of stuff like modeling so she can feel more herself, in truth or dare ask her (in truth) Why are you so shy?