Why are people so against young mums?

Question

Hi x

I am Esmee i am 20 and have 4 children.

My children are:

Faith (5)

Hope (4)

Destiny (3)

Trinity (2)

I am also 20 wkks with my 5th child - another girl!

Faith and Hope have the same Dad but he left me when he found another woman, we were engaged at the time and I thought things were ok but he had an affair!

Destiny and Trinity and the baby all have the same dad and I am curently engaged to him. Jase has accepted Faith and Hope as his own.

I do work as a Beautician and earn a resonable amount, Jase works as a Bouncer and earns quite a good amount. So we are not on benifets.

We curently live in a 4 bed detatched in Reading (UK). And we have no morgage on the house.

But still when i walk down the road with my kids and Jase i get lots of rude looks as Faith and Hope are half african-american. And me and Jase are both white.

I think i have made a good start in life - But why still all the rude stares when they know nothing!

Thanks

Esmee x

Answer 1

Some young mums are irresponsible and unfortunate give other young Mums a bad name.

Answer 2

lol love how your boasting about what you have and what you have named your kids ..but doesn't take the fact away that your 20 and have five kids ..don't you see yourself as anything more than a baby making machine !

Answer 3

i believe in marriage before kid! 20 years old and 4 kid and one on the way and you are asking the same question over and over again

maybe you should try a condom?

Answer 4

dear god...

Your names are out of whack.

You should have named them in this order...

Hope (god, i hope i'm not pregnant)

Faith (i had faith in that condom, and was let down AGAIN)

Trinity (yes, third time is a charm - and last one too)

Destiny ( i am destined to have grandkids at age 29)

And your fifth kid should be named

Bobby

because he'll come out of there like he's on a bobsled, because "it's" worn out now.

Answer 5

because some people are ignorant and like to judge based on outward appearances. I'm 21 and pregnant with my first and people say I'm too young. I'm in nursing school and my husband is a biomedical engineer, so we're more than financially stable. I say if you can care for them all, don't worry about other people's rude stares and comments. They probably just wish they could have a loving family like you!!

Answer 6

It has to do with being against children having s*x.  It's immoral, it's unacceptable.  Goes against good values and morals.

Actually, Caitlinn, I don't believe in abortion, that also goes against my good values and morals.  Children don't have s*x, protected or not.  It's wrong, it will always be wrong.  As soon as a child has made the decision to have s*x to begin with, that child has lost all sense of decency and responsibility.

Answer 7

I think the people that look are not judging but maybe older parents that are still finding it hard at times financially and emotionally to raise a family. When they look at a younger parent they think it must be harder still. The media have a lot to do with the stares you get. Single/young mums/married teenagers have had a bad press, the media can be a very strong tool in society and that is why some may stare. But to be honest i am a mum of 5 and know many parents young and old single and married and i have never met any1 with 5 children at your age. Good luck and keep doing what you are doing and remember its your life and if you are happy with it who cares what any1 else thinks x

Answer 8

You are wondering why you get rude stares? Hmmm .... you are 20 and you're about to have your fifth child! I'm sorry, but that is more than a little extreme. After this baby I would recommend Birth Control .... you just have to know when enough is enough. This is my opinion, and I am sure you will disagree with it, and that is fine .... but Wow.

Answer 9

I don't judge people at all because that is not my job but some people do judge that because you are 20 and about to have your 5th kid. They see it as being to young because you basically just started your life. Most people think you should be having fun with your friends instead of taking care of that kind of responsibility, going to college to get more education, getting a job which is going to be hard for you if you don't already have one. Others may look down on you because they don't have nothing else to do with there time. All in all, its your life and live it the way you want to, don't let no one live it for you.

Answer 10

i got pregnant at 15 now im 16 and have a beautiful baby due this December :) this was totally unexpected.. but the best things in life are unexpected!! i guess they believe in abortion. i dont and im super excited for my bundle of love!!

Answer 11

There is a lot of ***** who answered this post, and I'm sorry you had to listen to their bullshit. Once again, they're judging you before they know your situation.

I don't think age determines when you're ready to have a child. You could be thirty years old, and not be ready to have a baby, and you can be fifteen years old and be ready. It depends on how mature you are, and how emotionally stable you are, and whether you can put another human being before yourself. People don't look at it the same way.

I'm 17 years old, I just had my daughter about 2 months ago, and I'm doing better than a lot of 20+year olds that  talk about how they're going insane and "didn't know what they were getting themselves into" and wish that they hadn't had a baby. The only thing that makes having a child at such a young age difficult, is financial stability. People in there teens can't keep a stable job, and they still have school to go through, etcetc. If you can raise a child, and sacrifice everything that "could be" to do it right, then why not? I don't care to go out and 'party' or hang out with friends, or go on dates, and have fun. I like being at home, I like spending time watching my daughter grow. Even before I had her I never went out much.

People don't seem to understand that though. They just see someone young holding a baby and freak the f*ck out thinking we're s***s...When in reality SOME of us aren't. I've only ever slept with ONE guy, one. No guy has ever touched be before or even after him, and I was with him for a year before I got pregnant and he left me. (he left before we knew I was pregnant, and our relationship was beyond ruined when we found out-2months later).

So you're doing fine, it seems. Don't let those snide looks and remarks hurt you. You have the hardest job that is out there, and that's being a mother, and you're proud of it, which says a lot.

CONGRATES  ON YOUR BABY!

You seem to be looking into the same name pattern that I went through, if you want some girl name suggestions:

Madison, Leana, Haley, Elizebeth, Clairissa, Davine, Harmony, Sinplesity, Serenity, Helen, Annlynn, Leanne, Loretta, Grace, Emersa, and my little girl Ahyla(Ayla)

Also, my mom had 5 kids, all by the age of 23...3 different men. No, she wasn't a s**t, she just happened to make babies easily and got knocked the first time she had s*x. My sister, who is 20, she got pregnant with the first time she ever had s*x. My other sister, who is 19, same situation with a different guy-her first time having s*x in over a year. She married my father, and had me, and just about 2 months after I was born had s*x with my dad again and got pregnant with my sister (we're 10months apart). She wasn't trying for my brother (the boy she always wanted), but found out she was pregnant with him the day she went to get her tubes tied. She's an amazing mother (didn't used to be, don't get me wrong. She's had a tough S****y life, and my father raised us while she went out and did drugs and DID become a s**t...but she's made a turn around 6years ago,and now she's wonderful.)

Answer 12

Although I'm a Christian (a non judgmental one) who doesn't believe in s*x or having children before marriage, I'm not against young mothers. I actually praise them for choosing to give their children's life instead of choosing abortion. So I admire them for raising kids at such a young age. And I admire you even more for not being on welfare (you just answered one of my questions).

Congratulations on your fifth child at 20!!!! I'm 23 and I can even barely take care of myself. I don't plan on having children until I'm in my 30s. I'm still a struggling student in college with a mortgage to pay off. So you're a lot better than me and you're even younger than me!!!!

Answer 13

Well that is living proof that not all young mums are bad if you ask me!

People think to have a baby as a teenager makes you a s**t. Well the law (at least here in the UK) says you can legally have s*x aged 16 - and it is not uncommon for people to 'bend' this rule by a year or so. And any time somebody has s*x there is a potential of pregnancy, even if protection has been used. I bet half the people who label 15/16 year old mums as s***s were sexually active at that age themselves but they just happened to be using effective protection that didn't split or fail.

People also associate young mums with being benefits scrounges and having no future. Well I think you alone prove that that is not always the case. I had a baby a week before I turned 20 and I have never claimed benefits, even though I have no financial support from the babies dad or anyone else. I support my baby completely and make sure he has a d**n good life. And I don't know about you but when I walk past a job centre and see the queue of people waiting to collect their dole, most of them are in their 30s and 40s. I know more older parents on benefits than younger ones.

People forget that 100 years ago or more, it actually wouldn't be at all uncommon to find a woman in your situation. Our grandparents generation were often marrying young and having babies in their teens and this was perfectly accepted. Goodness knows where all this animosity towards it has come from all of a sudden.

You get judgemental people in all walks of life but rising above people like that just makes you stronger. I get the odd person judging me for being a single mum and for my age and I just laugh at them, I look at my baby and know he is the most precious thing in the world, and I see that I am giving him a good life, and I just find these bitter, ignorant people amusing to be honest as it is painful how little they know about what they're saying. You have a wonderful family and are happy in your life. Don't let anything else concern you.

And to all the naysayers - thumb me down all you like, as all the other supportive answers have been getting. I couldn't give two hoots, do you really think a silly little thumbs down picture on a screen is going to make me feel bad for my brilliant life?

Answer 14

4 going on 5 kids ...rude stares ...mmm wonder why ..but as i say that's up to you if you can afford them all then best of luck ..but people have the right to express their opinion though ..its a free country !

Answer 15

there is a steropitcal thing of all young moms are on benfits and no education .im 20 in september and i get looks from people and some say  "O your young" but i used to make excuses like these things happen but after thinking about it why should I .Im happy and so is my daughter who is seven months and my partner we both have great jobs and a house together if you want to e mail me my add is cantthinkofone06 @ hot

Answer 16

dont mind these ppl! look at you! doing good job and yet still young can handle all the kids, and now u got a good man! Congrats! you should be proud of yourself that you've accomplished so far well.

The truth is, you should be feeling sorry for those closed minded rude ppl.

Answer 17

Back then, being 20 and not married would make you an old wife... And being married without having a child within the next year would make one appear to have a sexual dysfunction.

Nowadays, perceptions have changed. People are starting to recognize the importance of women and education, and most of the time, it doesn't take you until the age of 22 to earn one's self a reasonable degree.

The media has made use of this perspective in the commercials and movies we see nowadays, where successful women bears their first child only around the age of 25 and above. We're all 'brainwashed' to respect this kind of figures around and look scornful upon younger parents, whom in movies, are often stereotypically portrayed as helpless or hopeless. Unconsciously, we pick this up and practice it in our daily lives. Same concept applies to discrimination of race and inter-racial marriage. It's a very sad truth.

People will always have their own perspective. So do you. Don't lose faith in what you can be, and probably, already are.