Why are people so mean on here to people who want to adopt?

Question

I've read some really awful answers that are just so mean and sarcastic, and then the people saying them tell others off to be rude. I know there is rudeness all over Yahoo Answers, but jeez, telling someone they're selfish to want to adopt children? Is this place full of trolls or something?

Answer 1

people should just learn to keep nasty views to themselves. It not needed. i think more parents need to be teaching their children 'If you having nothing nice to say, dont say anything.

Answer 2

I'm new here too, and I asked a very similiar question recently.  I was absolutely shocked and horrified by some of the meanspiritedness.  But someone suggested that I stick around, be a voice and try to learn...and I hate to admit it but I have learned A LOT.    I visit the Politics section frequently where it gets equally heated, but it just seems like random insults.  Here, I find the "infighting" is based in some profound experience and deeply held beliefs.  Everyone here is on a journey and they are trying to figure things out as best as they can.  It isn't pretty, and people get hurt feelings, but it comes from an honest place.  

So, I guess, I have to say if you stick around you will learn and you will see that there is some rhyme and reason to the madness.

Answer 3

Because there are anti adoption n***s who believe that a woman can't POSSIBLY know what is best for a child if it means she thinks the child would be better off with other people as parents.  They believe that a child is better off with the woman who squeezed the child out, even if she would be abusive and living on welfare.

They're idiots.

Adoption needs to be reformed, not done away with.

**All the thumbs down... I see the n***s are at work.

Answer 4

I don't think that I am mean.  I do however believe in adoption reform.  I think talking to adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents about the unethical practices is one of the ways that I can change the situation.  I realize adoption is gonna happen in our society.  Adoptive parents are being scammed left and right.  Natural parents are being coerced out of their children even in this day and age.  Just look at Allison Quets, Stephanie Bennett, Ibaanika Bond, Cody O'Dea, Shawn McDonald, Joshua Simmerson, and Bryn Ayre.  Google their names.  This is just the people that have made publicity.  Adoptees are being scammed by searchers and adoption agencies because they can't access their records.  They are being denied their civil rights on the presumption of harm without EVER having commited a crime.  I get quite feverish about this issue as many people here do.  Its time to change things.  I am definitely stepping up to the challenge.

Answer 5

I've never understood it

Answer 6

I'm still trying to understand it.  However, I have taken time to email several of the people who I have disagreed with on occasion and met some wonderful people who have helped me understand some of the displaced frustration and anger.

As I say time and time again, every adoption journey is different.  Some have been wonderful experiences (as ours), and others have had truly horrific experiences.  Does this discount one opinion over another.  No.  We are all here to share our opinions and knowledge with others in a hope to create an adoption world that is good for everyone - the adoptee, the birth family, the adoptive family.

We just need to remember to share our opinions and knowledge in a respectful manner without judging or insulting others.  Unfortunately, there will always be one or two people who live to stir up trouble.  Just block them.  But I feel that everyone who is respectful has a place here.

Answer 7

If I was unable to children of my own I surely would adopt.I find people on here give thumbs down on perfectly good answers.I guess they have nothing better to do.

Answer 8

I don't think rudeness is exclusive to the adoption section

People have diverse points of view and adoption is an emotive subject

Answer 9

With further research and investigation into the adoption industry ( did you know its an over 3 BILLION dollar a year industry ) you may find, as I did that there is a larger picture to adoption than "saving a child"

To sum it up and simplify it, There is a group of really money centered people who developed strings of agencies around the country invested in making money off of the adoptions of infants and children.

They're not in it for the children. They've found a demand for children, from the increase of infertility, and they're marketing to them as consumers to a product only the product is children.

If there wasn't such a great demand, there wouldn't be a reason for producing children and the corruption and scandal would lessen. So SOMETIMES, its easy for me personally to get offended by prospective adoptive parents who are clueless to the industry, coming in and talking about their NEEDS for a child. And not looking at the bigger picture and putting the childs needs first.

100,000+ foster care children got left behind last year because the demand isn't for them, they're too old and come with "baggage." The demand is for the newborns, that can be renamed, and not complain.

I'm not a troll, i'm an adoptee, who loves my adoptive parents very much, and I also love my natural parents. My surrender shouldn't have happened, and if my mother had the amount of support to keep me, that she had to surrender me, we would have been together.

Answer 10

to be perfectly honest with you, just a few days ago- I was about to leave the adoption site, because of just what you are writing. However, I think that if those of us that have positive experiences with adoption leave here- then there will nothing positive for people to be encouraged by. We have to remember that some people have had bad experiences and not hate them, but be even more thankful that our adoptions have been positive.

Answer 11

Adoption, and giving birth to your own child, are two unique, and beautiful things. I don't understand how anyone could look down upon another for wanting to take in a vulnerable, innocent, and precious child. To love and nuture the child, as if they came from their own blood. It's an amazing thing what people do. I can't say bad things about so many men and women having biological children instead of adopting, because I have two children of my own myself. To be honest, apart of me thinks that the people who adopt children, they have amazingly HUGE hearts.

Selfish for adopting children? Wow! To be honest, I've heard the complete opposite. People wanting their 'own' children instead of adopting. I don't believe either way is selfish. It's all in personal preference I guess. But either way, who ever takes on caring for a child, is amazing. There's a lot of work behind it, but more importantly there's a lot of love given and recieved. Whoever adopts, are angels in my eyes.

Answer 12

Excuse me, but their is a lot of rudeness against adoptees, too.  Just check out the answer using the EXTREMELY offensive word "n**i" twice in her answer.  What do you think about that?

I am not a 'troll', I am actually an adoptee with a life and experience that gives me a unique perspective on the subject of adoption....that would be the ADOPTEES perspective.  The better question is why do some people who have adopted or are considering adoption, NOT want to hear that perspective.  They want to adopt a child who will...ready for this?....actually then be an ADOPTEE.  

It seems so strange to me that people don't actually consider that their adopted child will be an adoptee and potentially have the same feelings and issues that us adoptees are talking about here.  They'd rather we just go away and let everyone go back to the fantasy that being adopted is always wonderful for everyone.  

Oh, and btw, I had a REALLY GOOD adoptive family, stable, loving, supportive.  But, that doesn't mean that I was any less vulnerable to the very common issues lots of adoptees deal with throughout their lives; separation, loss, grieving, trust issues, abandonment, etc.  

Just stick around, you will see that there is a lot of animosity against us here, too.

Answer 13

EVERYTHING Gershom said plus the fact that adoption is not what it seems.

Unless you're talking about foster care children, there really is NOT a surplus of needy children to be adopted.  The latest ratio of healthy white infants to prospective adoptive parents is 90:1.  So it's really not the KIDS who are needy.

There also seems to be a class element involved in today's adoption that was not part of the BSE (Baby Scoop Era) that most of the adoptees who comment here were a part of.  

That was an era characterized by 'nice girls' who got pregnant before it was acceptable to parent your child without being married, before birth control (even condoms) was widely available, and abortion was legal.  Middle class kids and middle class adopters.  

Adoption now seems to be 'Robin Hood in reverse' in most cases. A woman who for whatever reason (often financial) believes she is unable to keep her child, and believes (often with a lot of 'convincing' on an agency's part) that it would be better to give her child to people more 'worthy'.

These 'worthy' people are usually infertile, older, financially established couples who can afford the hefty fees the attorneys and adoption agencies wage.  They don't make their bonuses and sales quotas if a baby is not placed.  Therefore, there is little incentive to help a pregnant mother find the help she needs to keep her child.

It also doesn't help that these agencies have powerful lobbyists in D.C. battling for them, and the media's groundswell of support for the 'miracle of adoption'.  

The separation of mother and child is not good for either mother OR baby.  The mothers usually suffer a great deal, and have difficulty 'getting on with their lives' as society directs.  They are often plagued with depression, and an emptiness that other children, wonderful jobs, and lots of money can't fill.

Adoptees very often have their own set of issues.  Growing up in a home with non-biologically related 'family' is very difficult.  Compounded with little or no contact with your people can cause gemological bewilderment.  Many adoptees have suffered from depression, loss, abandonment issues, and inability to trust, addiction issues, etc.  All these problems are documented at much higher rates than non-adopted people.

And what is frustrating to me, as an adopted woman in her 40s, who has been in my reunion with my family for 20 yrs, is that the 'happy' (read: in denial) adoptees, and adoptive parents who have been acquainted with adoption for a whole 5 years will say I am ‘angry’ or ‘bitter’, or that I had a 'bad experience' and write off my opinion.  It's easier if they do, that way they don't have to look at themselves and examine their own situation.

Here's an article that might explain more:

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

UNICEF is against international adoptions, here is their position:

http://www.unicef.org/media/media_41918....

And tons of facts about adoption can be found here:

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com

http://www.origins-usa.org