Why are people so obsessed about reuniting with their kids that they gave up for adoption?

Question

I almost how to get a restraining order to keep my birth parent from contacting me. Seriously.... Why do you feel you need to interfere with a stranger life? They aren't your kid anymore. So get over it... move on...

I know some reunited adoptess who have no life are going to troll this question so bring it on!

Answer 1

My first mother never thought I was anything but her daughter. I don't care what you say. I don't care how many times you feel you need to beat down upon first parents.

My mother IS my mother.

Legally, no. Emotionally... always.

Nice try, troll. And if you aren't a troll, you're doing a d**n good job at pretending to BE one.

ETA: [Blood and gentics doesn't mean nothing... ]

I guess I should tell that to the mother next door who is biologically connected to her children.

After all, if blood and genetics means nothing, then what does not being connected by blood and genetics mean? Less than nothing?

Answer 2

from my personal opinion....

no matter what, the mother was still the one that gave birth to you and she regrets giving you up....

or maybe they have a better life and they know they can support you now, so they want you back...

but for some others, its maybe because you're doing so well and the parents were hoping to take you back so that you can help them with their debts or something else...

Answer 3

I think it's because maybe the parent realized what they did was a mistake and they wish they never did it. Maybe they want to meet their children to apologize. I don't know. I think that if I was an adopted child I would want to meet my birth parent to find out why they felt they had to give me up, it's always a good thing to know where you came from.

Answer 4

Please try not to say too much. Because with each denial you only CONFIRM that you really DO WANT/ NEED TO KNOW YOUR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS.

You are not being truthful with yourself.

If you really think "Blood and genetics mean nothing..."  You need to go back to school and RE-educate yourself. Even PSY101 and BIO101.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I had a baby 14 years ago and I put her up for adoption.  It was a private adoption and I knew the people pretty well.  I was young and not mature enought to raise a child and wanted her to have all the world had to offer.  I also found a couple that could not have children that could give her everything I felt she deserved and needed.  I kept in touch with them for the first 5 years. It has now been 9 years and I have not seen or heard from them.  Not by choice did I quit keeping in touch, my mother died, the adoptive mother became sick and the adoptive father was relocated with work.  I am scared that I will never see her again and if I do she will hate me.  The one reason I chose a private adoption and the couple I chose was so that we could keep in contact and that nobody would suffer the pain in the long run.  But I will tell you, there is NOT a day that goes by that I don't think about my daughter and miss her.  I just want to tell her why and that I love her.  I believe we all deserve the chance to tell our side of the story and then go our own ways if need be.  It may hurt but try to listen and be open minded.  We all make mistake and try to make the best decision at the time.

Answer 6

It sounds like it's obviously not what you want. But as a mom, I am sure that it is the hardest thing in the world to give someone else your child to raise. I am sure after time goes by and things change and they grow up and mature they hope to be able to reunite and get to know that person they created, because when you have that child it is part of your heart no matter how far they go, I know I would ache every day til I died for my daughter and if I had to give her up would hope she would one day forgive me, understand, and want to know me too.

Answer 7

I think both adopted children and birth parets have a right to look for their child/parent.  but if the other member is not receptive, they have to back off and let it alone.

i am sorry your birth mom is doing this to you.  that has to be horrible :(

Answer 8

When you become a parent you'll understand. I recently gave up my child for adoption, she was born on the 22nd, and we signed papers on the 25th. In the 60 hours I had her, i bonded with her more than anything else in the world. I loved her as much as i loved my boyfriend of 3 years, the birth-father. We both have been so upset after giving her up, but we were in no place to keep her. We wanted to keep her more than anything else in the world. We love her, and alot of birth parents feel like they have to make up for all the time they missed out on. All birthparents want is to know that YOU know that THEY LOVE YOU! I have a horrible family, i don't talk to anyone pretty much. There are alot of drug issues in my family (not with me, i've isolated myself from them), so me of all people viewed family as the least important thing in the world. But once i saw my daughter, i fell in love. Your mother carried you for 9 months. She felt you kick and get hiccups while you were still a baby. SHE DIDN'T GET AN ABORTION! I love my daughter soo much, and i hope she doesnt have this attitude about me.

Answer 9

You may not know her, but her DNA is in every cell of your body.

"An unexamined life is not worth living."

  --  Socrates

Answer 10

Do you ever think that some "kids" WANT to be contacted?

What I say, is WHY NOT!

Answer 11

If you're adopted and you have no desire to ever reunite with your family of origin, fine.  Other people don't share your feelings.  That's fine, too.  I don't see why this is such a difficult concept.

Why do people who don't want to search, attack those that do?

Why do people who do/or have search(ed) attack those that don't want to?

Answer 12

it angers me when people defend those who gave their kids up for adoption, even parents who were on crack, heroine and other drugs. restraining orders may be a bit over board cause they're not trying to harm you, they just all of a sudden want to have a sense of normality in their lives knowing they gave birth to descent human being. but the screwed up part is that you are better off without and what would your life have been like if you stayed. your still suppose to thank them for life? thank them then and move on. if this helps then OK, if not i apologize and i don't mean to offend.

Answer 13

Well i was adopted and my birth mother tried fighting for me to get me back,but i mean i didn't no her at all and the parents i was with i say they  are my real parents. They raised me not my birth mother. She wouldn't leave me alone saying she loved me and she made a big mistake so we talked to the adoption lawyers and we got a restraining order :)

Answer 14

Well, what has the world come to - someone is actually asking why a mother would want to know what happened to her child. Humans have been around for what, 50,000 years? And you are asking why a mother would want to reunite with her child. You seriously can't figure that out on your own?  

Answer 15

i don't really know but i think it's because in some way they regret giving away their child or whatever

Answer 16

Blood and genetics make up most of who we are.  You may not like her.  You may not want to know her.  But your anger suggests a deep connection.  People we don't care about can't make us angry.  

Maya Angelou points out: "You cannot know where you are going, unless you know where you've been."

Until you know your heritage, you can't know who you are.

Answer 17

dude you are one seriously wacked fool

Answer 18

Because they are cry babies.

Answer 19

The reason why she may have given you up for adoption, is because she couldn't give you the life she wanted you to have.  She probably just wants to know that you are doing good, and that everything is going good in your life, which is a piece of mind for her to know she made the right decision.  I agree with you 100%  blood and genetics don't mean anything.  It's the people who raise you, and love you...that is who your parents are, nobody will/can change that.  You have a bond with your parents that can never be broken.  If you don't want to see your birth mother/father, write them a letter and tell them you are fine, and you would appreciate it, if they did not have any contact with you.

Answer 20

Oh, my goodness!  This is such a pointed question and not really very fair.  I don't know you yet, but I think you need to be a little more open minded.

How many people do you know that gave up their children while having the "perfect" life?  I only know people who surrendered rights when life was very foggy and it was hard to see how they were going to make it work to keep their children.  But, guess what?  Life gets better and they have to live with the fact that they gave up their kids.  That is not something you "get over".  You always love them and care about them and want to see what they turned out like.  They don't cease to be your kid just because they are also someone else's kid.  I have the obituary of my children's first mother, and it list all the children as hers.  Can you imagine the kids looking at that obituary and not being listed as her surviving children?