Why are people so rude when others say they love their spouse just as much or more than their children?

Question

Why is that so bad? I love my husband just as much as my children. I married him first and I love his more than myself and yes I put my marriage first because without a good marriage there is no foundation for a good family. And why is it wrong to love God above your family if you are a Christian and that is what you believe? Wouldn't it makes sense given that many people (christian or otherwise) feel that God has blessed them with that family wouldn't they want to give Him their gratitude and love?

I love my kids more than anything but I do love my husband differently and I put my marriage first when it needs to come first and my kids come first when they need to.

Answer 1

My views are most like Texas Mommy of 2 on this subject.I love god first and foremost because he created my husband for me & gave him to me.Then my husband because he is my other half & will always be there for me.We took vows for life,not until I decided that something was more important to him.Then my son.I don't know why people get so heated over any subject where the other person disagrees with the way the do things.Every family is different & does things differentlyWhat works for one,doesn't work for the other.If everyone were the same,it would be a sad and boring world..

Answer 2

You have the right attitude.

If the marriage suffers, the children suffer.

A happy marriage produces happy children.

No one is suggesting that you neglect the children.  But there is only so much time in a day.  If a choice has to be made between spouse and children, the spouse should win out.

I have seen families spend so much time running kids back & forth between ball practice, gymnastics, dance, swimming, etc. that the parents don't have time to spend with each other.  If that's the case, then the kids have TOO MANY activities.

A husband and wife needs time together for their marriage to grow as they progress through the various stages of marriage.

As to why people are rude?  Most people lash out rudely when they know deep down in their heart that they are not doing the right thing.  Maybe they are a single parent.  They are trying to do the best for their child, but one loving parent will NEVER do as good of a job as TWO loving parents.

So they lash out because they feel guilty that they can't provide for their children what you can provide for yours.

Answer 3

For the love of god ladies.. you have much to much time on your hands if ranking your love between your husband, children and god becomes an issue... love is enough.. I love my children, my husband and god.. but to be honest the love I feel for each is different.  If I'm being rude I'm sorry but to be honest some of your questions are just silly...grow up ladies.. take off those rose colored glasses..

Answer 4

I tend to take the same type of view as branofwinterfell.  Not everyone thinks the same.  

My husband gave me my children and he is my husband.  I married him before my children came along and I am called by God to love and respect him....and I do.  People might think I'm an "idiot" for loving God first, husband second and children third.  That's fine.  Rude, but fine if that is the opinion they want to have.  God gave me my husband, my children, all my blessings in life.  In return God has my eternal love and trust.  My husband is part of my children.  I love my husband more than anything in the world.  I love my children more than life itself.  

If you don't put your marriage first though, you make for some hard times.  A happy marriage produces happy parents and happy children.  Sometimes you have to put the marriage first for the sake of not only the marriage but for your kids' well being.  And sometimes the children must come first.  You have to balance that.  My husband and I are committed to be with one another until death.  End of story.  Our children are our top priority a good majority of the time.  But like I said before in my answer to the other question:  my children will grow up one day to leave the home, but my husband will still be here.  It's hard to explain, but I think you know what I mean.  Thanks for the question though.  I'm glad someone is kind enough to try to understand where I am coming from.  :)

Answer 5

I completely agree with you.  I put my husband first in family because, well...because he is my husband!

I think the reason many people can not see why we would do this is because they do not have the same relationship with their spouse (if they even have one) as I do.  Their relationships aren't built on trust and closeness, obviously.  Another reason is because many parents have an almost "worship" type love for  their children .  I have this worship for God and I don't put my children above Him, either.

My husband and I are going to be married until the day one of us dies.  There is absolutely NO question to that.  I know this because God is the backbone to our marriage and HE  never fails.  He will keep our marriage as long as we allow him to and as long as we put Him first, and  each other second ONLY to him..

I asked a similar question and got bashed for it, too. Here's the link.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 6

I don't know if I would say I love my husband more than my children, but I definitely love him as much as my children.  And I agree, sometimes you have to put your children first and sometimes you have to put your husband first.  Those people who always put their kids ahead of their marriage are going to be the ones who realize when their kids have moved out that they don't have any relationship with their spouse other than taking care of the kids.  I think that sometimes putting your marriage first is in your children's best interest.  And I don't think that it is wrong to put God first either.  You are supposed to put God first.  If you do, you will take good care of your family, because that is what he would want.

Answer 7

I don't think it that people need to get their heads out of the clouds, more like people need to get it that NOT EVERYONE HAS TO HOLD THE SAME VALUES.  It is literally stupefying that so many people STILL cannot comprehend such a SIMPLE concept.  It is my proverbial thorn in my side.  

How boring if every single person thought the same way as everyone else, I can't believe that this is the goal that so many people think we should be working towards, what a crock!

Answer 8

I personally think the love is different.  You love your husband differently than you do your children.

And if you didn't have your husband - you wouldn't have your children....

Defend your love girl!

Answer 9

I love my hubby and kids just as much... but in different ways!!!

Answer 10

i think its a good thing when people say that. you should love your spouse more than anything else in your life.

Answer 11

you have a refreshing view of marriage. Your husband is your life partner, your children will grow up, leave, get married, and have their own lives as they should. You will still have your husband. Sounds like a perfect plan. The love we have for our children is an unconditional love. No matter what they may do in their life to themselves or others nothing can make us stop loving them. (we may not like them sometimes and we nay not like what they do) Unfortunately we cannot say that about our husbands, the divorce rate proves that. If more people could love their husbands, unconditionally, we would see more couples working through problems and experiencing commitment in marriages as it is suppose to be.

My husband and i have been together 26 years. There is nothing that we have not done to each other over the years and we have survived it all because when one of us felt unsure we wanted to be married any longer the other on  continued to love and support till everything was back on track.

(as oppose to "that does it I'm getting a divorce!)

Now, if you were remarried and brought children with you that would be different. The commitment you have with your kids came before the new hubby so that is the one you honor first. This is why 2nd marriages can be more difficult when kids are involved

Answer 12

I am a father of five and a good strong marriage. Loving your spouse is different to the love for your children.

Good on you girl the children should see the love you have for your husband and the love you have for them, it is healthy in this ugly world.

The world is so materialistic, if your love shines to your family from within, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH!

So glad you posted this, my wife is the same as you. In this day of self self self ignore the sniggers.

Answer 13

the first personis right,

Answer 14

Nothing wrong with any of that! Children and spouse are two different kinds of love! I think people have a problem with that because we live in such an ugly world that even if you are married and have children women tend to still feel like they can get ceated on, left for a youger woman, and so on. So their children are the only permanent bond they really have! I can kind of understand why people feel that way but I am really glad that this is not your case. May God bless you and your family and keep you guys the way u r!

Answer 15

People are rude because they sense an opportunity to deny you a feeling of acceptance and approval. They confuse your dismay with their victory.  Everyone wants their own viewpoint to be the one accepted by everyone else.  It's a silly world.

If you make just about any positive statement of belief: "I think..."  it instantly makes people want to disagree with you, or think about ways to put holes in your theory.  It's human nature to try to arrive at the truth, but it's abused when people disagree with you on things that are feelings or opinions.  

People think their worldview is THE worldview.  In the past, this was not so much of an issue.  Conversations in the past had aspects of countenance and agreeableness.  Just watch an old BBC TV show to see the difference in how people talk to each other today, and how they talked in the past.  It may be boring, but at least it was less verbally violent.

Answer 16

I agree with you. I don't know why someone would consider it a bad thing. I couldn't live without my husband, there's only one of him, and he's the best. Without him there would be no children, so it makes me love him even more.

Answer 17

So, by saying that I gather that either:

a) There is nothing your husband could possibly do that would make it so you didn't want him to be a part of your life (i.e. cheating, beating you, abusing your kids, etc)

-Or-

b) There is something that your kids could do that would make it so you didn't want them to be a part of your life anymore (i.e s*x before marriage, drugs, murder - whatever)

Now I am not saying that it's likely that your husband or children would do any of those things, but the possibility always exists.  As far as I am concerned, there are things my husband could do that would make me want him out of my life.  There is nothing my child could do to make me want her out of my life.  Does that mean I love her more?  Well, it certainly means I love her differently.  Personally, I think it means I love her more.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband more than life, I just love my daughter more than that.

Answer 18

I agree with RPM.  Two different types of love.

Answer 19

I think it's hard to say you love one more than the other-the love I have for my children is a totally different love than i have for my husband. I put my children before my husband but I don't have any problem if someone else did it the other way around. I just see my kids as slightly before my husband in regards to choices, but more because they are too young to do things themselves and i want them to experience it all. Also, my husband is not the father of my older 2 children so they were in my life before he was lol!

Answer 20

The reason some people are rude is because they are jealous and ignorant. God comes first and then marriage and then children. Only real Christians believe that. That is written in the bible and only the people that study and attend church more than 3 times a year knows that.