Why are so many people against adoption?

Question

I've had problems with conceiving. Ive been very blessed to have one child, but we would like to have more. Ive been told by international adoption agencies that since I have a past history of depression (this was before I found out I had celiac diease.. which causes a major nutritional deficiency... and one of those symptoms is depression).... I will NOT be allowed to adopt internationally. Ive been told domestic or foster care would be our only options. But with all of the of negative things I've read on this board, it makes me wonder whether we should even consider it. Why are so many people especially adoptees against adoption? Were your lives changed that much, because you were adopted? Ive got quite a few family members who are adopted, and I don't feel they are any less my family because were not biologically related. Can anyone give me some clues here? Because I'm at a loss for words when I read some of these stories.

Answer 1

As others have said, this is not the place to base your decisions on whether to adopt to add to your family.

Answer 2

Adoption is very different today....depending on how open you are with the child.

Many of the adult adoptees on here were adopted during the Baby Scoop Era....they were lied to and feel their heritage was taken from them.

Do not base your decision on what these few adoptees think.

Answer 3

I have no problem with people adopting the thousands of kids in foster care who genuinely need a  home.

I do, however object the unethical practices involved in the infant adoption industry

Yes, my life changed as a result of adoption.  I had wonderful parents and a great upbringing but that did not negate the fact that I lost my mother, father, aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, heritage, ethnicity, religion, family medical history and all connection to my ancestry, my records were sealed and my original identity and true record of my own birth are held hostage by the State.

That is not OK with me.  Not at all.

Answer 4

I can't say from personal experience, but my husband is adopted.  He always says how blessed he is to be brought up with the family who adopted him.  He has never sought out his birth parents and doesn't really feel the need to, because he feels that all the family he will ever need is the family he has grown up with.  I think adoption is a wonderful thing.  I'm not sure what negative stories you have heard, but I don't know of any negative stories.  I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

I dont think people are actually AGAINST adoption

some people just dont see the..

beauty in it ya know?

They wont adopt because  they feel   is isnt their own so they could never love it the same..

Some people just dont understand.

Answer 6

I'm adopted and it's fine with me.  If there's a child out there without a home (be it an infant whose mother made the conscious decision to relinquish or foster care), then why shouldn't you adopt?

I don't have issues with depression or anything like that as a result of my adoption.  My family is my family through the miracle of adoption.  I thank God every day that I was adopted and yes, i have met my bios but I am still thankful that I am the person i am today because of adoption.

go for it.

ETA:  someone mentioned "orphans" in foster care with NO parents to raise him/her...that is not true -- most of them have parents but those parents are not capable of raising the child(ren).  Perhaps if some of these parents had considered an adoption plan at birth, these kids would not have gone through the abuse and neglect that they suffered.  but yes, those children have parents and bio family but they have chosen not to raise the child.

and people who make a voluntary choice for adoption should be allowed to do so.  There are babies available for adoption because their parents made the choice.

Answer 7

in fairness to those "against adoption" There ARE alot of problems with many agencies and the way many adoptions are handled..

in fairness to the "other side"  certainly not all adoptees feel the way that some of the ones here do..

Answer 8

"Were your lives changed that much, because you were adopted?"

Umm, yeah.  I lost my mother, father, all four grandparents, aunts, uncles, my genetic mirror, my ethnicity, my family's religion, my history.  At birth. And the state of Michigan says that information is none of my business.  Am I am adopted person or an indentured servant?

Families cannot be switched out without profound damage.  You said you have a child--could anyone else raise that child better than you and you husband?  Of course not. For you to GET an adopted child, someone has to LOSE a child...

There is no shortage of people wanting to adopt infants, (90 couples to 1 for healthy white infants) there are however many TRUE orphans in foster care.  A true orphan has NO parents or family to raise him.

Get some books.  Journey of the Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton, and The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.

Here are some more articles & blogs about adoption:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

A study of adoption:

http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

The 'clues' are all out there, you just have to be strong enough to read them.

Answer 9

For the most part, people base their opinions on their own experiences.  Many of the people who post here had bad experiences and so it appears there are 'so many people' who feel adoption is 'bad'.  

Their feelings are valid.  It is true that all people who adopt should be allowed to adopt.  And, that there are abuses in the system, especially when money is involved.  However, I believe that the majority of people feel adoption IS a good thing, including those who were adopted.  

I am a little concerned that you say there are horror stories about domestic adoptions.  It is NOT correct.  Especially when it comes to fostercare, most people who report problems with fostercare report being moved from facility to facility or having abusive foster parents.  The solution to those problems is that people step in and give those children permanent, loving, and stable homes.  The system is desperately in need of people like that.  

I encourage you to take another look at fostercare adoption, talk to people (in person) who have experienced it.  Don't rely on what you read on web sites to drive your decision.

Answer 10

I dont know why either, there are some people in the world who were adopted because they were at risk somehow and who may not be alive today if they hadn't been adopted. I also believe that women who become pregnant with a child that they dont want to raise could consider having the baby and giving it up for adoption if they still feel the same when it's born. This could,in some circumstances, take away the pressure for women to have abortions that they'll never get over having had. not everyone,but some people would find it a welcome option.

Answer 11

Please do not let people on this board affect your decision one way or the other.  Adoption, like ANYTHING in life, is made up of positives and negatives.  Some people - - adoptive parents, birth parents, adoptees, adoption workers -- have predominantly negative or positive experiences within adoption.  But truly, most of us have a combination of experiences in adoption.  However, on this board, what you are referring to is a small group of angry and outspoken adoptees who are bent on abolishing adoption for their own personal reasons.  They have repeatedly hurt and insulted other adoptees, called adoptive parents kidnappers, and in some cases glorified some birthparents just short of knighthood.  Truth being, ALL persons affected by adoption should be welcomed and supported on this board.  This board does NOT represent all adoptees, all adoptive parents, all adoption workers, all birth parents.  

Most adoptees are by their own account, a pretty normal and reasonably happy group of people.  And even rate higher on some emotional and intellectuall testing than the general population.  All?  No!  Some adoptees have severe depression, some have other severe mental illnesses, and some are suicidal.  Just like the rest of the world.  If the stats are just for infants adopted through private adoption , the results are very positive.  If we then include children who were abused, neglected or traumatized by a birthparent and removed from their family, or those children raised in orphanages, then of course those stats start to look different.  A child just cannot be abused and be o.k. without lots of stability and help.  And some just will not be able to recover well at all.

Please -- join some live adoption groups that include all members of the adoption triad.  Get the real stuff from a general population, not just the some of the radicals on this board.

Answer 12

i had a great adoptive family.  i was and am happy.

those facts do not negate my hatred of the adoption system.  too many lies.

ALSO:

http://thespiritofadoption.blogspot.com/

things like this are really disheartening to me.  i hate the fact that i was purchased.

Answer 13

maybe they just want to keep their babies. i know that i wouldn't give up any of mine. i feel very bless that god let me have another one. i'm 7 months pregnant with my 3rd little girl. and it took me 6 years of trying for this baby. i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 14

cause some of them here have bad lives and i can like really understand them. but some have really nice lives and they need a reson to complain all the time.

Answer 15

I've read alot of that here too.  But whhen I talk to my friends who aare adopted or have adopted siblings, then nothing is any different.  I think people on here just like to complain.  I think you should go for it and give a child a desent home!

Answer 16

Everybody is different. Everyone has their own experiences and react to those experiences in their own ways. I was adopted at birth and am very happy with my experience.  I wouldn't let a few people's negative experiences dissuade you from adopting, and I wouldn't let a few people's positive experiences influence you to adopt. You have to work out what's best for your family.

In my opinion, I think that adopting from foster care is preferable because you are giving a permanent home to a child who doesn't have one. But again, you have to do what's best for you and your family.

Answer 17

Of course my life was tremendously changed by adoption.  I was brought up by an entirely different family from the one that started out raising me.  How is that not a big change?

I loved my amom dearly and miss her so much.  HOWEVER, this doesn't change the absolute FACT that I lost one family and got a different one.  Despite what some may think, this is pretty big.

Someone here made the statement: 'I am the person I am today because of adoption.'

Well, I am the person I am today because of my genes, because of who raised me, because of my teachers, my environment in general, etc., etc.  'Adoption' in and of itself, didn't do it.  Adoption could have led me anywhere.  The PEOPLE of my life are what did it.

Disliking the unethical practices and the anti-adoptee discriminatory laws that occur in adoption  has nothing to do with whether or not I had a good home.  The two have absolutely nothing to do with one another.  I don't like the unethical practices of some of our government representatives, but that's got nothing to do with whether or not I liked my childhood.

I think people automatically assume that when someone says that they take issue with adoption, that they must take issue with their own PERSONAL adoption.  This isn't necessarily the case.  Some people really did get abusive, crappy adoptive homes.  Sadly, there are people who abuse and even kill their children -- even their adopted children.  BUT, this doesn't mean that one has to have had lousy AP's in order to take issue with adoption as an institution.  One can be quite content with one's AP's and take issue with it.

What I'm talking about is an institution that requires a loss to occur in order for it to exist.  It is also an institution that includes a lot of unethical practices.  It also includes discriminatory laws.  I make no apologies for having problems with this, no matter how much I loved my amom.

Not everyone is bothered by this.  But, so what.  It doesn't mean it's not real.  It also doesn't mean that people who DO have a problem with it are somehow defective.  It's a fact that eating too much saturated fat can lead to heart disease.  Despite knowing that this is a fact, it doesn't bother me all THAT much that I eat less of it.  I should, but I don't.  If it bothered me more, I probably would.  Perhaps someday I'll be bothered by it more.  BUT, just because I'm not so bothered by it doesn't make it any less true.

ETA:

Wundt couldn't be further from the truth in his ASSUMPTION about the experiences of adopted persons here.  He ought to refrain from speaking for others.  He's not very good at it, anyway.

Answer 18

Honestly, the people in this YA board do not properly represent the regular population.  One simple example is that it's for those who have access to a computer and have time to get online.  Some people don't use computers.  Anyway...

There are many rightfully unhappy people who just want to share their stories; there are some rightfully unhappy people who just want to spread hatred and give prospective adoptive or already adoptive parents a hard time because their adoptive parents were bad; and there are happy people who will answer truthfully and supportively even if they disagree with what you are saying.  

So, don't take it personally.  There's a small group of people in here who target and try to intimidate people with opposing views.  There are some in here who try to tailor their responses so they won't get slammed...   but through all of them, I've learned that yes, adoption does effect your whole life through adulthood, but not necessarily for the worse.

How many agencies have you asked about this?  You could probably do more research as see if that's really true or not.  Call many agencies- don't ask in here.

Answer 19

I can tell you from experience that adoption is a wonderful thing.  I was adopted at birth and feel no different than my siblings who were birth children.  If you want to adopt than that is great!  People do have strange beliefs on adoption but in my experience they are wrong.  As far as those adoptees that feel they were damaged....who says it would have been better with birth parents?  Good luck and best wishes!