Why are so many people against/not understanding of BDSM or hardcore kinky s*x in general?

Question

i dont understand it.

most 'normal' people i've encountered/discussed the topic with get really freaked out at the mere mention of BDSM and their idea of kinky is using fur-lined handcuffs.

why don't more people appreciate the fun and excitement of bdsm? if bdsm freaks you out or you dont understand it, why?

Answer 1

I am involved in the lifestyle myself for about 6mos now. I am a girl who desires to be a 'slave' and have a Master. I will be honest and say that when I first heard about this lifestyle and began to read about it, I was sort of turned off about it and things just didn't sound right sometimes. When I kept reading and kept an open mine, I realize that I couldn't keep denying things. I had to honestly admit that M/s, is the type of lifestyle that I truly want from my heart.

If more people would be open-minded and take the time to educate themselves, and understand...they probably wouldn't get so freaked out about it.

I commend you for researching it yourself and finding out what its all about. This world has so much to offer, we really need to open our eyes and wake up and stop being so scared or whatever.T

Answer 2

They don't want to seem too freaky to their peers. Catch them alone and their tune will change.

Those people just want to say what they think others want to hear. Tell them to try it for a day. At least then they will have the experience needed to validate their statements (or change their minds)

Answer 3

Here's what I don't get...why do you have to ruin the fun of torture by including s*x into it?  I can torture a girl all night long.  s*x?  Not so long.

Answer 4

Part of it is society has developed into not liking to see one person dominant over another.  Just the consept of submission is look at like it is something that has to be forced onto a person....not even saying in bdsm......just in a normal realationship.....if a wife is submissive to her husband then people would think she is obviously forced to be or emotionally abused or something, because why would a woman chose that.....thats just the kind of mindset society takes anymore is every person has to be completely independent within themselfs and never let anyone have the upper hand on them.

As far as bd and s&m end of it, many people have problems seperateing that from abuse.  I know many guys would want to kill the guy Im involved with if they knew he hit me because a guy "should NEVER hit a girl".  But the thing is he would never hit me without my concent....when he wanted to be rougher, wanted to punch me...we talked about it first....and i just had to say if he got too rough and he'd back off.  Ive never had to ask him to back off other then asking him to be easier on my face.....and that wasnt even because i wanted him to....was just afraid of have marks that i would be very difficult to hide.  But to tell anyone that the guy im involved with punches me in the face (is very controled about it....how hard he hits and where he hits...doesnt do any real damage) just wouldnt go over very well.  And im saying this with keeping my hair down over the one side of my face to help hide a couple bruises and a mark from a whip that landed in the wrong place yesterday.

Its just a immediate equation for most people that rough equals abuse.  That domination/submission has to be forced and is either emotionally abusive or just barbaric.  Some people dont understand Safe Sane and Consentual.  And that consentual is a huge part of it.  Just think it is an exuse for people that want to be abusive.  Dont understand how huge of a difference it is

Answer 5

It's easier to just take a quick peek at surface appearances and point the finger than it is to actually do the research. This way, intolerant people can feel superior without having to face the frightening possibility that they have something in common with the "freaks."

S&M can be challenging enough to explain, and even Dominance and submission can fly over some people's heads. It's associated too strongly, too often, with self-esteem issues and abuse.

Mention the word "slave" and you can almost hear the sound of minds slamming shut. Too many people prefer think of all forms of slavery as the same: coercive, racist, misogynist, and parasitic. The very idea that slavery could be consensual, and symbiotic in the best sense of the word, is so alien that trying to explain it is often about as successful shoving a square peg into a round hole.

I have friends who are into D/s who have threatened to call social services if I didn't break up with my wife. They may have understood dominance and submission very well, but even for them, "consensual slavery" was an oxymoron. They couldn't wrap their minds around the concept. Whatever the law may say, I truly do own my wife, and my wife sees herself as my property. This is real for us, and to my "friend's" way of thinking, it is a sign of mental disturbance.

My wife and I both have therapists, as well as a relationship counselor, and none of them thinks we're crazy. Unusual, to say the least, but not crazy.

Answer 6

P.I., BDSM is an acronym for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism. simplified, it is s*x involving elements of power exchange, bondage, and pain--any or all of the above. most people would just see it as really really kinky s*x. some people are lifestylers who live in a 24/7 master/slave relationship while others just add occasional BDSM elements into their s*x lives--it varies for everyone who enjoys BDSM.

i personally am not a lifestyler but i love BDSM--s*x, to me, is most satisfying when it involves pain and elements of dominance/submission. this is perfectly normal, legal, and healthy as long as its SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL.

i think that a lot of people think it's "abnormal" or "wrong" because they are misinformed or ignorant and incapable of accepting the fact that just because they personally aren't into something, doesnt mean it isnt enjoyable for others. it's not wrong.

Answer 7

People have a wide variety of ideas about s*x and BDSM is on the fringe, clearly outside of the mainstream. Most people think that s*x should be a caring, loving sensual act, far from any semblance of violence.

Answer 8

What is it? I'm really feeling stupid now.

Answer 9

Hi Sara,

For one thing when your Mom taught you about (the birds & the bees) s*x in general did she happen mention BDSM? (lol, I thought not).    It's all in the way people perceive their sexual being-role play, BDSM, spankings, kinky, golden showers.          Sexual behavior all depends on the individual besides it's kinda like masturbation ( if you keep doing that you'll go blind so my Mom said--so I always went to my room in private).

I believe society in general  has problems with any kinda kinky sexual behavior to s****. to know the differences.

Have a good AM. :0)

Additional Details: I grew up in free loving s*x, nudity so  I don't find anything wrong in pursuing my desires now.

Answer 10

I don't know. Most people underestimate things they aren't familiar with & with good reason too. If you don't educate yourself, then you will always be ignorant. However, I agree that it's not for everyone & you must be cautious of who you share your private life with. I have an interest in BDSM as a sub but I don't think I would ever share this w/ anyone other than my mate.

Answer 11

I agree - why should it matter what consenting adults do for their entertainment?  Perhaps those that judge negatively do so because there is something they fear about what they do not know.

"Your neighbor's vision is as true for him as your own vision is true for you.
"       - Miguel de Unamuno

Have fun!  Mistress Dolly