Why are some people so agaisnt adoption?

Question

I want to adopt some day and my mom is so agaisnt the idea, especially because i wan to adopt from foster care. She says you never know what your going to get. Like you know when you have your kids. We had a cousin that adopted siblings from care and they ended up drug addicts, stealing from her etc. Again my argument is that can happen to kids you have. Other friend of hers adopted again from care teen girls .When they turned 18 they went back to their bio mom who is still on drugs and no abusing them anymore but she is using them for money for her habit. They have ignored my mom's friend. My take on that is for at least 4 years they had a stable home and were warm and feed.

Why is it so hard for some people to open their heart and adopt.

I am only using my mom as an example but many people are trying to discourage me from adopting

Answer 1

Are you wanting to adopt a baby or small child, or an older child.  My father in law and his brother were both adopted as a baby and toddler and so I am told were awesome kids and both grew up to be great men.  Their parents then adopted a teenage girl, and they had so many problems with her.  

I think that adoption is a beautiful thing and adopted kids are no different then the ones you have.  We all make choices, kids that are adopted and those that are not.

People shouldn't judge or look down on you for wanting to adopt.  While it may not be for all people, it doesn't make you wrong for doing it.

Good Luck and I will pray for you while you take on this venture.

Answer 2

Hi A,

I'm going to kind of take the devil's advocate on BOTH sides for my answer.  

On the one hand, your mom is right.  You can't treat adoption like any other way to build a family.  Adoptees have a tremendous amount of stress.  They've been taken from their family, the woman they grew inside of, and they no longer have a genetic mirror.  Adoptive families are NOT the same as biological families, and there are losses that an adoptee has to deal with.  If those losses are ignored, or even minimized, the adoptee's issues could surface much stronger than if they are allowed, and encouraged, to explore their losses, their grief.  It's very important to recognize, for the child's sake, the differences between a family built via adoption, versus a biological family.

On the other hand, you're right.  Foster children NEED new families.  There are over 100,000 children in foster care right now waiting for homes.  It does pain me to think that there are so many people who want to adopt...but they want a fresh-from-the-womb newborn baby, who they THINK won't have issues.  I've seen this little quote on another forum, "Everybody wants a kitten; nobody wants a cat."  It's very unfortunate.

What I'm trying to say is, if you've got what it takes, go for it!  If you take the time to learn about adoption from the adoptee's perspective, I think you'd be a great adoptive parent.  It takes a lot of time and effort, and it's not easy.  And it's NOT like having your own biological children.  But as long as you're focused on the child's needs, it can be very rewarding.  Best of luck!

Answer 3

Anti-adoptee stigma is alive and kicking, unfortunately.    We are still treated with the suspicion of yesteryear.  Some people won't allow an adoptee marry into their family, some still think we will come murder them in their beds while they sleep and they won't even trust us with our our own identities and keep our birth records sealed away from us because we may 'upset or shatter someone's life'

Yep, anti-adoptee bias is not a thing of yesterday; it's right here and right now and the whole thing sucks eggs.

Best of luck adopting a child who needs a home from foster care.  It's refreshing to see a prospective adoptive parent who isn't demanding and/or feeling entitled to a newborn and who wants to adopt for the right reasons.  Kudos.