Why are some people so eager to adopt?

Question

I'm asking especially in regards to infant adoption, not adoption from the foster care system where the child has already been seperated from his or her parents.

I keep reading answers that say the person would "love" to adopt. Why are people so eager to take a baby from it's mother? This doesn't seem like it should be something someone would be eager and happy to do.

Anybody else have thoughts on this?

Answer 1

hmm well it took years for my parents to get baby's you have to go throw a lot of stuff its not like you can go and just pick one out and take him home

and now a days the birth mom can pick who gets the baby and met all kinds of people and so ya its takes a really long time

Answer 2

Well, with how the question is phrased, you act like every birth mother would take care of the child.  I can see why a couple would be eager if a child would have a better life being with someone who will actually love, take care of, and worry about that child, then I can see why someone would be eager to assist.  

Why are some on this site so eager to portray birth mothers as these poor pitiful young girls who have no voice, no choice, and who would somehow make the most wonderful mothers in the world?  That's not true!  Of course there are mothers where that fit that description but that's not always the case.  In many cases, yes, the child WOULD actually be better off with someone else.  Why is THAT so hard to accept or admit?  Not all women who give birth are these saints who have families who are saints that would even know how to love and nurture a child.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I just get so SICK of hearing how badgered these "poor" birth mothers are - they are portrayed as young, innocent saints who would have taken excellent care of their infant had the nasty ol state or adoption agency hadn't cornered them into doing so.  And of course, all these birth mothers has excellent families who know exactly how to care & love a child so that would be a better choice too rather than adoption because adoption is just EVIL.  The adoptive parents are portrayed as these maniacal, self-serving, egotistical jerks who just see themselves as a savior to the world of babies & only want to adopt a baby out of their own selfish desires.  Geez people - neither is absolutely true!!!  As with all things in life, there is SOME truth to every stereotype but to keep making these sweeping extreme opinions is just ignorant.  Not ALL birth mothers are pressured into giving up their child period.  Not ALL children would be better off with their natural families.  Not ALL adoptive parents see themselves as saviors who are only adopting a child to fulfill their selfish desires.  Stop stereotyping & portraying 1 as purely good and 1 as purely evil!!!

And yes, that's my PERSONAL OPINION.  Now feel free to give me all your 50 thumbs down to show how very wrong I am.

Answer 3

Adoption is not TAKING a baby.  There isn't a group of people kidnapping children and selling them!

These children are placed for adoption.  

These parents want to raise that child.  I don't care if they have none or if they already have ten.  If they can raise the child without placing any of the children in jeopardy, ten let them.

Answer 4

Because children who are up for adoption do not have mothers who are willing/able to take care of them. And people who are unable to have children, but want them, are able to help these poor babies and happy to do it. :) Its a good thing. Not a bad thing.

Answer 5

OMG! I can't believe so many long standing adoption myths prevail!!  For example, the belief that all or even most infants are put up for adoption because their moms don't want them, or are unable to care for them, or are too young. Or that babies aren't taken or coerced from their mothers.  

Or that adoption provides poor, unwanted, unloved, neglected babies with a home.  Think about that message and how it makes adoptees feel!

How about this idea: Adoption provides an otherwise childless couple with the opportunity to be parents!  

Wow! I'm stunned by the lack of awareness of the real reasons infants are relinquished and the total belief in the many myths churned out by the adoption industry.  Honestly, I've never referred to it as an "industry", until I see here just how effective all the adoption propaganda is.  

Infants have been relinquished for decades out of shame, fear, and the very real lack of financial resources available to women to support their children.  They relinquished because they believed they had NO OTHER CHOICE.  

For almost all infant adoptions from the '70's back through the '60's, 50's, 40's, etc., infants placed for adoption were most often born to unwed mothers.  Their FAMILIES basically demanded that they give up their children.  And the mothers complied, not because they didn't want their babies!! Sadly, during those years, society shamed unwed moms and their "b*****d" babies.  There was no way for a single woman to provide financially for her child.  At the time, the women's movement hadn't happened, or at best, it was in it's early stages.  

I was taken away from my birth mother because she was "living with a man to whom she was not married." She made $30 per week and paid $20 per week to my babysitter.  This information came from court documents.  Eventually social services told her she'd never have custody of me again, but could relinquish me for adoption.  There were no allegations of abuse or neglect in the records.  She was married. Her husband had abandoned her.  

People go to other countries for a variety of reasons.  To avoid more restrictive adoptions laws established in this country, to avoid the long wait for a healthy infant, to avoid having to worry about potential future contact with the birth family; because they believe infants will have fewer issues that require special care (issues that older children available in foster care will likely have).  And they can fulfill their need to feel that they are "rescuing" a child from a life of poverty.  Of course, they're adopting infants.  The older children are left behind in that life of poverty.  But they're "rescuing" an infant.  Isn't that great!  

Today, there is far less stigma in being a single parent and women have the ability to support themselves and their children.  Because of this, there are fewer infants available for adoption in the US.    

Check out the following link regarding adoption practices in the early years:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tennessee_C...

Or read the experiences of birth mothers at:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

PS Not all adoptive parents are wonderful, happy people.  Adoptees, like bio-children, end up in dysfunctional homes too.  I know because I did!

PSS There are loving, open adoptive parents, too.  I've met some of you in this forum.  So please know, the concerns I've expressed here are not directed to you.

Answer 6

Its not that people are eager in taking other peoples babies but if the natural parents make a decision that they are unable to take care of there child why shouldn't someone else be giving a chance to give the child a good home. ONe that they wouldn't have had otherwise.

Answer 7

I think the answer to your question is that most people are focused on themselves.  A couple that adopts an infant may focus more on their life as a new family than on the loss that occurred to make that family.

Nevertheless, Bestadvicechick has a good point.  Adoption loss does not mean adoptive parents are bad and natural parents are good.  Life is much more complicated than that.

Answer 8

some mothers either chooses not to be a mom or feel the infant would be better raised by someone else and voluntarily place their child for adoption.  Not all are "taken" from their mother.  it takes a special, strong mother to accept that she is not able to care for the child and to let the child have parents who can truly be good moms and dads.   I will be forever greatful to the mom who let me raise her two boys.

Answer 9

Isn't that better than moms gave it up later, it's better for them mentally, that way it only know it has one mom

It's like those people who bought puppies, because they're cute when they young, and throw them out later

Answer 10

some couples are not able to have children on their own and would like to provide a great home for a child whose mother is either too young or cannot provide for them.

my mom was adopted because her real mom was too young to take care of a baby. she has since found her real mother (at age 40!) and they've visited with each other and talk on the phone a lot. my mom lives in canada and her mom lives in england.

Answer 11

I think many people can't seem to come to terms with their infertility.  The women are sad, and the husbands give in to 'cure' the sadness.  Sorta like self-medicating.  It hurts, make it go away.

Or they want to be seen as a hero/martyr/'rescuer'.  If you say, "I've always wanted to adopt", people will fawn all over you for 'doing the right thing'.  You don't even have to go through it--they can get good will mileage just from saying it out loud.

They don't think or care about the mother.  She's a means to an end.  They make nice to her, only to get what she's GOT, then she's some poor fool who 'knew what her child needed'.  

I guess life just isn't worth living without a trip to Disney World and a Chevy Suburban.

Answer 12

Did you ever think the reason a baby is up for adoption is because he has no mommy or daddy. I would love to adopt and give the love to a special baby or child. Were not taking the baby away but were giving the baby a loving home. that he or she will have all  the love they need to grow to be wonderful adults. I feel that its the mother or father that gives the baby away, they know they can't do certain things or maybe they even go to court and are told to take classes but they don't listen, so there baby gets taken away. Who's fault is this. Its the parents.. If you can't take care of them give him or her to someone that will. Every baby in the world needs a whole lot of love and kisses and hugs.

Answer 13

I would love to adopt! I have two boys of my own and would love to have a little girl. I don't really care about the age or race, I just want to be able to help! Most children that are up for adoption and still have living parents, the parents can't or won't take care of them. Wouldn't you be eager to help a child out of a bad situation? What if you could save a child's life by adopting him/her? I would be all to eager to do this!

Answer 14

Most of the time adoption happens because the MOTHER didn't want the child,not your taking the child from it's mother.

Also a question to go along with this one would be "Why do so many people want to adopt children from other countries",I mean we have SO many children here in the US and what do alot of people do,go to a different country and adopt....

Answer 15

you have to understand, its a lot easier to adopt a child in infancy, because they get attached to you, their easier to raise so on. people also arent taking the babies from their mothers, their mothers are the ones who put them up for adoptions.  and yes its hard for the adoptive parents to take the child, but the biological mother is the one putting the child up for adoption.

Answer 16

While there are some that have the genuine desire to help a needy child, there are many others who are in it for the sole purpose or "curing" their infertility.  They think they are entitled to a child.  They think its their right to have a child.  Well, I have a child I raise and I have another I placed for adoption.  Being able to parent a child is a privelege, not a right.

I also want to add that a VAST majority of adoptions take place because the mother feels she is unable to provide for them.  It has NOTHING to do with not wanting them.  Contrary to popular myth, not all natural mothers are teenagers or drug addicts.  Keep in mind that those type of women often get their children taken from them.  They rarely relinquish willingly.  Some people should educate themselves before they open their mouths.

MAUREEN-

So, relinquishing our children to give them better lives strips us of being a "mother"?  Does that make us less human than you, the wonderful adoptive MOM who feels she deserves a baby?  News flash, we will always be their MOTHER.  We loved them enough to give them what we could not.  We are not simply the women who gave birth to them.  We wanted our children (most of us anyway), but we knew they would have a better quality of life if they were raised by someone else.  It has nothing to do with not wanting or not loving them.

Answer 17

Because not all "mothers" are able, or fit, to take care of a child.

If it is in the baby's best interest to be with another person who will love and support them, then that's who they need to be with. It's not about taking a baby from the mother, it's about putting the baby is a safe environment.

cheers

Answer 18

I think people are eager to adopt because they want children and can't have them.  I, on the other hand, would not mind adopting because I know what can happen to a child in the foster care system.  They can easily be emotionally and physically abused just because they are not the parents "blood" child.  I would adopt just so that I could make a difference in the life of a child who might otherwise suffer needlessly...not to take the child from its parents.

Hope this helps.

Answer 19

Because they seem to think they are 'entitled' to a baby

Adoption practices in the United States are, by their very nature, coercive.  Therefore I cannot agree with other people here that babies are 'placed'  I have seen too much evidence of the coercion and vulnerable women who even mention they are 'thinking' about adoption as an option cornered and badgered and put in a place where they would find it difficult to back out

This is not an anti adoption opinion, it is just sheer frustration that nobody here seems to be able to see that adoption as it is practiced in the USA is not a social service for the children, as it ought to be.  It has become a 'business' serving the needs of it's customers with babies as the commodity.  How can that be right?

Answer 20

Babies aren't 'taken' from their Mothers just like that.  In most cases, the bio-Mom has chosen to give her baby up for adoption.  Therefore, the people who adopt are simply stepping in to raise the child in their loving family home.  Its not like adopted parents creep around in the dead of night just taking babies from mothers which is how you make it sound.

Answer 21

well actually we would love to adopt and our starting our homestudy .. we are unable to have children so to be able to adopt is a true blessing... however i could not think of how hard it must be for the birth mothers... though i give them credit because they are doing whats best for their child if they are unable to take proper care of their child.. i would never think that someone would just take a mothers baby for that would be wrong

Answer 22

Take a baby from it's mother?   You have it wrong young lady, nobody takes a baby away from it's mother, the baby is given away by the "mother",  In som e rare instances when a mother has been very young, they have no choice and the baby was taken away.  But the majority of adoptees were given up.

Firstly, I would like to change the word Mother.  A mother means caring, looking after, in sickness and in health.  Seeing them through school, wrapping their lunches, etc. etc. etc. etc.   That is what a mother is.  Blood does not make a mother, love does.

I wanted to adopt babies because I  could not get pregnant and all I wanted was a child.  To me a child is a child is a child, whether it has my blood or not.

I was eager to "take a baby from it's "mother", because no. 1 the "mother" didn't want the baby and I knew I could love the child and be a true mother to it.   I was eager and happy to do this.  If I hadn't adopted my children, they would have gone into foster care for the rest of their lives because they were all interacial.

These are my children, and have been from the moment I held them in my arms.  Now adults, happy, contented and bringing up their own wonderful children.

Yes I was happy to "take" the baby, but it wasn't a case of taking a baby from it';s "mother, it was a case of giving the baby TO it's mother, me to look after them and love them for the rest of their lives..

Answer 23

Haven't you ever shed a tear for a child being poorly cared for by his or her mom?  Doesn't your heart go out to children living on the streets who have no one to tell them, "I love you?"  If you've answered "no," then you'll probably never understand.

We adopted two siblings, and I now thank God for the years of infertility and heartache that brought us to where we are today.  I love my kids so much that it actually hurts sometimes!  They are my life, and they have taught us and many others what love is all about.  Not only did we adopt them, but our extended families did!  Their teachers did!  The whole community did!  They are blessings to so many people, and really great kids that we are proud to be parenting!  I can't help feeling sorry and praying for the mother who abused them, and who never loved them or cared that they were taken from her (this is a fact that we have learned, not just an assumption).

Our kids were older, but they were "taken from their mother."  She never tried to stop it (she was given the option), never asked where they were going, never tried to find out how they were doing.  Like most children available for adoption, babies or older children, no one adopting is "taking them" from their mother, but offering a home to a child/ren who only need nurturing and love and someone to offer them a home where they will get it.

Off my soapbox now...

Answer 24

No one is taking any child from its mother. You have to remember that its the mother that doesnt want the child!! You cant force someone to keep their baby. Rather adoption than abortion. Some people cant have children of there own, so why shouldnt they have a bit of happiness and give their love to a child that  would end up in care. Its so selfish when people mock potential adoptive parents or even already adoptive parents! Those people are special and deserve to have a child of their own. Blood connections doesnt matter. If the adopted child is a baby at the time of adoption, then the child wont have any recalection of even being with anyone but his or her parents (adoptive parents). I am adopted and my adoptive parents are my parents plain and simple. To me, they are all i have known and all that i love. They are my mam and dad.

Answer 25

*sigh* it isn't taking a baby from it's mother, didn't ya know? It is saving a child from a life of misery at the hands of an addicted street walker... *groans*

People have misconceptions (pun intended) when it comes to the reason's for children being available to adopt. Until they understand the coercive tactics that are all too often used they will continue to see adoption as "saving a baby".

Answer 26

In regards to infant adoption, there is just something about a baby that people fall in love with. I think people like to be able to watch them right from the begging. Adoptive parents also want to go through the different stages. Let’s face it  a lot of people complain about changing soiled diapers, having to get up 3 times a night, or stay up all night with a sick baby.  Those are things adoptive parents want to experience even more if they have not had any children before.  They want to see their baby attempt his first steps, say his first word. See the baby take his first wobble steps. Be able to see the baby grow and develop into a toddler, child etc. They want to start a bond from as young as possible, I do realize that some adoptees never completely bond with their adoptive parents no matter how young they were, but again not always the case.  

Will I deny that some women aren’t coerced or even pressured by family? No because it happens. However that is not always the case some birthmothers can not provide for their baby, or they don’t want their baby, can you force someone to parent if they truly don’t want to? No. It does happen not the case for all women but some. Since private adoption pays so well there are some woman who have babies just to make a profit.  You have some babies whom have already been surrendered or just abandoned, as happened to my friend adoptive Chinese daughter, her birthparents just left her in a park. They even have a program where a birthparent can take her baby to a hospital or fire station no questions asked.  The baby is surrendered, there are birthmothers who do this, it was started to discourage them from dumping their baby in the rubbish bin.

I know in the  70’s and back you saw more women /girls give up because they were not married or they were teenagers. Adoption was the only thing they were allowed to do, they weren't given an option.   But now we are less then 2 weeks from 2008. There is information out there for people. If a mother (or even father) is poor but wants to parent she can get online and look for organization that will help her, programs etc, look into single parent housing.  With all the different types of families today being a single parent or even unmarried to your baby’s father or mother,  should not be frowned on.

A woman can look into her options do research on the internet if she doesn’t have it at home she can go to her public library and use it for free. She can talk to a counselor not from an adoption agency but someone who is fully unbiased a person that is not going to encourage  her to parent or place for adoption but instead  will just go over her options, what she can do to help herself if she wants to parent.  Help her find organization/programs get more information. Help her find a job if she does not have one etc. Or if she decided to place for adoption help her find pre and post placement counseling with someone who has dealt with counseling someone who has given up their birthchild.    There are just so many ways for someone to be educated on their options they just have to do their research.

Answer 27

Because in the 1950s, the propaganda was that the perfect family unit was a mom, dad, daughter, and son, with the mother being the housewife, the father being the breadwinner, and the children being innocent and in need of protection from reality

Answer 28

I think the way you are looking at is wrong.  It's not that people want to separate children from their parents.  It is that parents don't want their children.  I have a sister in-law she had 3 kids never wanted them treated them like c**p.  Those children are now 13,10, and 7 the oldest on is a thug that because of his mother's rejection and abuse he had to learn tough. The 10 year old has fear of everything is failing in school.  The youngest I only hope that doesn't follow the mothers steps.  

In my opinion if she would allow someone to adopt them .  They would have had a better hope for a normal life.  People that adopt children don't adopt from parents who want them.  If those parents don't want them when they are born they will make their life h**l.  Witch is the better of both world I ask you?

Answer 29

The couple who took my son's child (even with a social worker for the hospital telling everyone the father wanted his child)  never even went into looking for a older child much less, black, Spanish, mixed, from other countries. They stated they wanted a white child and new the natural mother and had saw the daughter she had from the same father (blond hair blue eyed)   Both are blond hair blue eyes, I guess they wanted to pretend that the child was theirs . I will never forget this woman saying he looks so much like her husband. I just looked at her.   Most want baby's so they can be the first parents. By the way they left the hospital 2 days after he was born.