Why are there some people who will not let go of others?

Question

A friendship had ended due to abuse. The relationship lasted seven years. The bully had continued to hound the victim after the relationship ended. Parked outside the house, calling many times a day, flirting with the victim's family so the family will convince the victim that the bully is a great person. The victim had moved on and got away and has never attempted to talk to or go near the bully ever again. The victim lives 400 miles away. The bully would go by the victim's family's home every few years telling the victims family that the bully still loved the victim. The victim's family does not want to put a protective order on the bully, they feel there is no reason to. This has lasted 21 years. Please advise.

Answer 1

It sounds like the bully has an obssession and need to keep ties to the victim ... which is unfortunate for all involved. The family has no reason to believe that the bully is in fact that except for the victim's words ... which should be enough. Can the victim get a restraining order that includes the family? Does the victim feel that the family is in true danger or simply wants everyone to move on as the victim has? Tough situation. I am shocked it has lasted so long. Sad that this bully cannot move on. Offer him encouragement to seek help ... remind him of the time he has wasted in his life and make it clear, once again, that there is no chance of reconciliation. Good luck!

Answer 2

It sounds like this bully is very charming and has the family convinced that he is a great guy.  That isn't uncommon.  The victim did all the right things, ending contact, staying away and moving.  As for the family not putting a protective order on the bully, I don't think that they can legally because he hasn't threatened or harmed them.

The real issue is why doesn't the family listen to and believe the victim when told that this guy is bad news.  Either the victim isn't being clear with explaining the situation, or the family members are dumb as rocks.

If this has lasted 21 years, then  the victim is old enough to have her own family.  Hopefully she will be far more protective and listen very carefully when her own children speak to her about these things.