Why are verbal pauses seen as bad manners?

Question

Just because someone might say "um" "erm" or "uh" in a conversation doesn't mean i would be offended we cant all be fluent speakers!

Answer 1

Really depends on the conversations that you're referring to. If its an educated conversation where one is wearing a thinking cap and has to think about what he's got to say, then he might have pauses which are perfectly fine.

However, if its a situation where you think it may lead to some form of arrogance or unwanted joke, then pauses are really bad.

Hope that answers.

Answer 2

i think it depends on the situation.  if someone is asking an important question and there is a long pause, it could look like you are thinking up an answer (lying) in your head before you say it???

Answer 3

I think many people interpret this as a lack of intelligence, or insecurity.  But as you said, we can't all be great orators.  I believe it's best to substitute simple silence for "um, erm, or uh," but I don't think it's a big deal in general conversation.  If you're giving a speech, in a business meeting, etc, avoid them at all costs because of the impressions that your audience may have.  Even then, I feel a short, occasional silent pause to choose your words wisely beats is better than getting caught with your foot in your mouth.

Answer 4

The problem is that others judge us by the way we talk. Ers and Ums can be irritating if there are too many - and people give up trying to listen, or they focus on how many er ums you've said instead of listening.

Don't blame them. They're just reacting to something you're doing.

To fix the er ums, try this:

Don't speak until you're ready to say a whole sentence. Take a breath. Now say the sentence. Then shut up, mouth closed, breathe in through the nose, while your thinking about the next sentence. Repeat... You have to practice this. You have got into a habit, and habits take a little time to change - by learning a new habit.

Takes a bit of getting used to. But it works. I know because I'm an old f**t and I teach it.

If you feel an er um coming, close your mouth and say nothing. Silence for a second or so is harmless and will not p**s people off like er ums do.

Steve

Answer 5

I had no idea a verbal pause was considered a lack of manners(?).  I believe most people are, somewhat, impatient and may assume you haven't been listening to what they've been saying so interpret your "thinking time" as "ignoring time".   I used to be guilty of anticipating an, immediate, reply or comment but then, married a "thinking and considering" man.   One morning, when I was ready to leave the house for errands, I asked him a question and, while waiting (an eternity?) for a reply, began drumming my fingernails on the kitchen sideboard.  He said, "I hope you realize that drumming your nails won't make me think any faster ..." - point taken!!!  

Don't feel you need to say anything other than, "I'm thinking about what you said (or asked)...." which should cause them to maintain silence (hopefully).