Why are we expected to give a gift for every event in peoples lives?

Question

I find it really strange that a lot of things a person chooses to do seems to be accompanied by the expectation of gift giving. Some examples

- a couple chooses to get married and the bride has a shower, a kitchen tea and a wedding (many gifts for one choice).

- someone moves house and has a housewarming where you are expected to buy them something. They later decide to build a bar in said house and have a 'bar' party (expected to buy a bottle of spirits for bar, maybe in return for beer and BBQ at party - this is a reasonably new one to me and something I find particually greedy and distaseful)

- someone chooses to leave/change jobs and leaving party is held.

- someone is taking a extended overseas trip and has a going-away party.

- someone chooses to have a baby. There's the shower and expected gift giving (ok, this one is fair enough, but it is still someone's choice to have a baby).

- Birthdays - we all have a day of the year we are born and is it really necessary for adults to feel they have to buy birthday gifts for other adults?

- Christmas - if you believe in the religious side of it or not, why all the presents? Most of which you don't want/need and in the case of silly secret-santa's and such are often to or from someone you don't even like.

I could go on but that'll do.

Now I'm not saying that I don't like to give gifts - on the contrary I love giving a thoughtful gift to my nearest and dearest on birthday's, at christmas, but better yet unexpectedly - just because.

It's more that I hate people feeling they have to buy me a gift for every little party I hold. If I'm having a house warming I've invited you just because I want your company and to show you my new home, not because I want you to buy me something. If I get married, again I want your company on my special day, not some silly gift that I probably don't need anyway. Same goes for my birthday - if I ask to celebrate it with you it's because I want nothing more than the time with you. Christmas and it's expectation of giving all over the place really annoys me and I don't want gifts from people that feel they have to get me something just becuase the commercials tell them so.

I ask this question as I have just quit my job to go travelling and am sick of the whispers and poorly concealed questions about what to get me for a going-away present. I don't want anything - In fact, if I get something it will likely end up packed in a box somewhere and forgotten about. I would like the company of my friends and collegues and the chance to say good-bye to them outside of the work setting.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a rant, but I wanted to make my point.

I would love to know what others think about this culture of forced gift-giving???

Answer 1

I don't buy into any of it.  I don't celebrate Christmas, I don't buy gifts for trivial reasons (such as baby showers, going away, etc...).  My friends have no problem with my attitude.  They understand my feelings.

On the other hand, I may show up out of the blue with a gift.  For example, one of my friends loves to cook.  I saw a wonderful set of pans at a store, and purchased them for him.  There was no special occasion...I just thought he would like them.

I give gifts when I want to show that I truly appreciate someone.  Otherwise, I don't believe in it.  We are driven by commercialism in this country, and I think it takes away from the sincerity of gift-giving.  I'm not going to let consumerism ruin the spirit of giving!

Answer 2

i think the giving of gifts at every possible event is tiresome and un necessary. Even at birthdays and xmas, it becomes kinda over the top. i agree with you, but dont give people too harsh a time because they want to give you a gift! there are much worse things they could do to you, thats for sure!

Answer 3

It is crazy, isn't it?  I feel like you do. I threw a housewarming party just to celebrate buying my first place and wanting to share it. One rude person at work said, does that mean that we need to buy you a gift? I was a bit taken aback and said no, it just seemed like a good excuse to throw a party. (not that you need an excuse) I didn't even know that I was being thrown a shower for our wedding. I'm like you. I invite people because I want them to be there, not for a gift. One thing I noticed with all this gift giving/receiving, it can make you greedy. It's a horrible feeling. The whole frenzy of it, etc. It's a bit overwhelming.

Answer 4

you dont have to give if you dont want to.. i mean sometimes people dont give you anything,, all they do is give you a lame a$$ hug and some kisses.. i give gifts when i feel like it, when i have money.. when i have supplies i make things to save money.. i make bracelets, post cards etc.. maybe if you have patience you can make gifts for  people to give them for birthdays, anniversaries etc..

you can cook and invite them over too... good luck

Answer 5

Well ....don't you want something from your friends, that

when you return as you open that box !*! there are those

memories, of how much fun you all had, the laughs , the silly

things they said and so on.  Opening a box and finding an item

small or whatever, not necessarily wanted, can open all these

thoughts again ..... And is that so bad ?

You see i did a big clean up, and had several years of files and

a few draws to clear out, i came accross some of those things

and i can't tell you what pleasure it gave me , to have had that

chance to look back, when really at the time i thought there were

things i would never forget !

On the other hand there are several points/parties you mentioned

that i have to agree and say something about...here goes,

* Anyone who is getting married and has to have a shower, and

a Kitchen tea...is nothing but a greedy person....................

Just don't go and reserve your gift and time for the wedding.

*The going away from a company, i believe the practice was the

company used to give the person leaving a little get together which

they payed for to say goodbuy and this usualy accompanied a little

goodbuy bonas.  Well Well ! ... how times have changed ? now its

lets get all the idiots to pay and milk everyone for a lowsy pressy.

It is a disturbing trend , a disrispectable habit copied by all companies

and managements.

We had someones partner die after the person has worked for us for

several years.....The management was too rude to put any money in,

or to send a personal grief message, or anything else for that matter.

The staff paid for everything and had to think of everything between

themselves!

Take this in comparisson, while i was a child , and had to be rushed

of for a minor op , to a big city where the hospital existed.  My school

teacher turned up to visit me (many miles distance) with a beautiful

basket of fresh fruit, cards from all the class and flowers ! I was only

8 and will never forget that!

Answer 6

It's funny you should ask this as we were only talking about this today at work, my mum said years ago, it was just polite to take a plate of food to any event, where in todays society it is just expected to give or recieve a gift.

I am so with you on this one, why not just say to all "Look, I'd love for all of you to come to my farewell dinner/or/sendoff, but because you want to and I would love for you to come as my friends/colleages but please no gifts, as I find it precious we spend quality time together and go over old times, and at the end we can take a  photo, and you can all have one as I too, and we can look back and laugh.??

Hope this has helped.  Good Luck on your adventures.

Minny :-)

Answer 7

People have become greedy!!!  I only buy for baby showers. My cousin got married last year, but had been previously married and then lived with the man she married for over 3 years and then they expected me to give her a housewarming shower........NO WAY she didn't need anything.......She just wanted new stuff..