Why are we so superficial? What is wrong with our sick culture?

Question

I was chubby as a little girl and was bullied into becoming an emaciated anorexic and compulsive bulimic. It got to the point where even showering was difficult and was going in and out of hospitals all the time. I survived. Thankfully I started to surround myself by people who helped me get better through talks, support, and reassurance (that works more wonders than "professional" help!). So I gained weight, went back to my normal weight. I still exercised so I wasn't fat, but not exactly thin. Still, I felt so much better and healthier and swore I'd never be anorexic again.

Recently I married a handsome young man who is suffering and is always irritable and depressed just because he is not a twig! He has the same body type as I do. He has a tendency to skip meals and throw up. I've actually lost a lot of weight since I started dating him. It's been a lot of factors, like skipping meals when we first started dating, and now I'm going back to old habits. I hate this! Hearing somebody complain of how fat they are (when in fact he is not fat, just not skinny) reminds me of my old horrible days and I worry so much over him too. I resent our sick-minded society for its stupid ideals! I always get told what a nice body I have even by strangers, but it's not even natural... I freaking exercise almost every day and take care of what I eat! I had already gotten over that sickness, but somehow I kind of relapsed. So how can I even help my beloved husband when I cannot even help myself? I would so much more prefer for us to be pleasingly plump and happy, than be skinny and obsessed. Sigh. But I know he will never be pleasingly plump AND happy.

Answer 1

You've lost track of who you are cause you've started to believe the

lies of who you thought you should be, it happens all the time, it's

called getting conned, our egos get kidnapped by strangers, such as

school mates, co workers, people we see on tv and we fall for the

sales pitch like a 1950t's unhappily married alcohalic house wife

being seduced at the door by the fuller brush man . . .

Looking and feeling better is no problem, but like everything else

for some reason, we just can't seem to leave well enough alone,

Because of our upbringing, we're convinced, that sucess is

suppose to be obtained and then recycled, traded in for better

and better and better and better and better, but never should

we commit the unforgivable sin, of just appreciating who we

are, just being thankful, for the very fact we suceeded in the

first place instead of being confined to an iorn lung machine

in a tuburculosis ward of some hospital . . .

Think of this . . .

Would it make much sence to smash your mirror over and over

and over, if you didn't like the image looking back at you? even

worse, if someone was telling you to perform this outrageious

deed? you need to tell people, oops i meant, your mirror to go

to h**l, cause your quite satisfied with the reflection your seeing

in it,  just for who she it is . . .

good luck 2u . . .

Answer 2

Sure, blame it on everyone else. That will fix the problem...

You wouldn't want to consider developing a backbone and merely not caring what other people think... Nah... That's just a ridiculous notion...

Answer 3

Why don't you two just love each other for who you are and say to h**l with what other people think?  I know that childhood bullying is hard to deal with, but you're adults now. Looking up to others for a role model to fashion yourself after is something children do, not grown ups.

Answer 4

I feel for you and know what you mean. I have a friend that struggled with this and a lot of us were really worried about her. I still am because I saw a photo of her and she's still a rail but it's look unhealthy on her. It does not look natural. Lollipop. Bigger head, small body. She's beautiful. Some people (myself included, weight obsessed) try to live up to society's expectations but struggle. It's like this war with ourselves. We seem unable to transcend. I don't know the answer. But perhaps if we all band together then maybe we can have some kind of affect but people have spoken out about this many times and it seems to get worse. I think it will get worse as long as Hollywood is so pervasive in our culture. They have so much power and influence over us. It makes me sick. If you really look then you can see it in attitudes and in our culture even though the obese population appears to be getting more populous. I think that is in large part due to inadequate nutrition and activity. You need a car to get to everything. Many of us are working so many hours that make it difficult to keep up with a regular work out routine.