Why are we still romantic if she wants a divorce?

Question

My wife told me she wants a divorce a little over a month ago. Since then, I have noticed her (pretty much) abusing drugs and alcohol.

I came home from work one day last week, she was sleeping. Our youngest daughter (3yrs) was screaming and crying for her mommy to play with her. Our oldest daughter (8yrs) who was upstairs at the time watching T.V., came down and asked if everthing was ok. I said, yes, mommy is just tired.. I told our oldest that her sister wants to go to the park, and ask if she would like to go. She says, she will stay home and watch T.V.

I come back home and notice our oldest across the street at our neighbors house. (Playing in the river!) I proceed to go in the house and ask my wife, "Where's our daughter?" she says upstairs, in a dazzed sort of way. I tell her where she really is and she just laughs.

Some hours later I ask if I can borrow an inkpen. She says sure it's in my purse. I open her purse and sitting right there a sandwich bag half full of xanax. Needless to say she is on effexor, lexapro, smoking weed, and drinking. Finally, I figured out why she was too sleepy and couldn't play with the baby.

What should I do. I am trying to find a place for me and our children but can't really afford anything, at this time. I still have a house payment, car payments, ect... She says we can split the bills but still wants to live with me and have romantic relations..... I am confused...Help me, please?

Answer 1

If u love ur wife and want to save ur marriage I would suggest getting her help putting her in drug treatment and counseling.  When people r hooked on drugs the only thing that matters to them is the drugs they don't see beyond that, they r ill.  It's a brain disease and it won't cure it self u have to treat it so that they can over come this addiction.  Remember she will b in denial if u confront her about it and probably say she can leave it all with out help but the reality is they really can't not with out the help of loved ones and their support so hang in there, u will get overwhelmed with it all.  I would strongly suggest talking to her family and letting them know wut is going on and second I wouldn't b leaving ur daughters unattended with ur wife she can't b trusted at this point.  I hope things get better for u and ur kids.

Answer 2

she wants her cake and wants to eat it too...I would not uproot your children and yourself.  I would tell her she needs to find somewhere else to live if she wishes to pursue a divorce.

Answer 3

IT SEEMS THAT THE COMMITMENT AND RESPONSIBILITY OF BEING A MOTHER, PROVIDER AND WIFE HAS BECOME TO MUCH FOR HER, OR IT IS MESSING WITH HER PSYCHOLOGICALLY, AND SHE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT IN ANY OTHER WAY THAN ABUSING SUBSTANCES.

I THINK YOU SHOULD SUGGEST TO HER TO CONSULT A PSYCHOLOGIST/THERAPIST (AND TAG ALONG) SO THAT BOTH OF YOU GUYS CAN TALK ABOUT ALL THE ISSUES AND GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM. SO THAT A SOLUTION CAN BE FOUND AND YOUR FAMILY CAN RETURN TO ITS "NORMAL" STATE.

AGAIN I DON'T THINK SHE WANTS THE DIVORCE BUT SHE IS WEIGHED DOWN BY THE COMMITMENT AND RESPONSIBILITY. AND THE PORTION ON WANTING TO BE ROMANTIC STILL, I BELIEVE IS A REACH FOR HELP. SHE IS FEELING HELPLESS AND WANTS YOU THERE AS HER COMFORTER, LOVER AND FRIEND. OR IT COULD JUST BE THAT THE s*x WAS GOOD- BUT THINK ABOUT IT!

Answer 4

Sounds like time for an intervention quick!

Answer 5

parents..your parents...this is a time for family to help..they need to know..even her parents..i know they'll offer to take the kids..she needs your help too..she might not have ment the divorce..see if someone would take the children for a week or so..get her help..take the meds away she'll be a b**ch for a little bit..but its for the better..good luck..but she does need you.

Answer 6

FIRST call a lawyer and get an immediate TEMPORARY CHILD CUSTODY ORDER,

then decide if you want to try to work through her drug addictioin or not.

yes, best of luck

call drug rehabs and start to inquire

if no, tell her you are putting the house up for sale,

and are separting the bank accounts, and credit card accounts

find a local day care, baby sitter coz you cannot trust her.

(BUT REMEMBER FIRST YOU MUST GET THE TEMPORARY CHILD CUSTODY ORDER) before you do or say anything.

Answer 7

Alot of people are great together but just cant be married to each other. But youve got bigger problems here than you realize. She needs professional help here immediately before the law gets involved. Once theyre involved youre in deep sh.t, as with todays drug laws, the authorities can arrest the user/dealer but they can now legally confiscate that persons property including house, cars, etc and the kds will become a ward of the state. You are just a pawn in all this and will have no say in any of it. You can talk to the authorities on how to proceed here and wher you can get the needed help for her and for you guys too. Talking to the authorities will also serve as a note that youre not involved with her drug abuse and this may actually save you and the kids. But you need to do something now to avoid huge problems later

Answer 8

Look rehab is a joke ok. All the rehab in the world isn't gonna change her mind. If she wants to do the drugs then shes gonna do the drugs regardless of rehab. Second you really need to grow a pair and kick her out of the house. Your children should be the first thing on your mind. Your gonna come home one day and one of your daughters is gonna be hurt cuz your dope fiend wife wasn't paying attention to them, that's where you are gonna be hurt the most. Your gonna regret that like crazy. Third i really don't think that she wants romantic relations anymore. Its that she wants to stay at home while you both "split" the bills and she can support her habit. Id really consider just kicking her out on her own so that she can decide what is really important to her like her kids.

Answer 9

You can get full custody of the kids. Sell your house and give her her share and get something you could afford with your kids. Your wife needs help. She will only benefit from this help if she wants to help herself. Right now I don't think it is a good idea that your kids are seeing their mother this way. Not to mention, she is not capable of taking care of them. I would not stay with her. It is not because I think you should abandon your wife in need of help but because you can't make that ultimatum with an addict. If something happens to your kids I'm sure you would never forgive yourself.

Answer 10

Why don't you kick her out?  She's the one abusing drugs and negelecting the kids.  Get her into rehab or something.  Of couse, you can't make her do it, I don't think.  Good luck!

Answer 11

what does anyhing you said have to do with her being romantic? honey is a crackhead! you need to get her some help!

Answer 12

Go to family, and kick her *** in rehab. Not much more to do.  

Answer 13

shes still romantic because she wants to have s*x with you and other men ... if shes doing drugs and your children is around that'sis not good ... you have to move away bring them to your mothers house or something your children are still young and they cant watch your wife/their mother do that ... children always remember what they seen when they were little especially your little 8 year old. make your decisions wisely !! good luck

Answer 14

She is a drug addict and needs help.  Its dangerous for your children to be alone with her and psychologically damaging for them to see her this way.  Tell her to get help with the substance abuse problem, now.  Either she goes into rehab immediately or she will lose you and the kids.  You must put your precious girls first.

Answer 15

she needs rehab and you need to step up and get the kids out of that enviroment. Material things come and go. dont feel trapted...its go time

Answer 16

If you are any kind of a good daddy at all you won't leave the kids with her again she could be bi-polar not that she would purposely hurt the kids but if she is passed out they could get hurt or worse on their on.

What you do is file a temporary  protection order against her on the kids behalf tell her until she gets serious counseling you will not let her around the children forget about everything else and protect those kids you can work the other problems out later.