Why are women bashed for initiating divorce?

Question

What would be the reaction if MEN initiated most cases of divorce? Would they get bashed for bailing out on the marriage too?

This is initiated by another question, asking why women initiate divorce. In most cases, the answers stated how easily women bailed, how they had financial incentives, etc.

(although women fare worse financially after divorce and fare worse in the remarriage and labor markets)

This is a list of reasons - they vary from organization to organizaton, but basically infidelity and communication tend to be common ones -

*Couple has conflicting personal beliefs

*Couple’s marital satisfaction decreases

*Desertion

*Adultery

*Cruel treatment

*Bigamy

*Imprisonment

*Spousal Indignities

*Institutionalization

*Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind

These seem like reasonable reasons to end a marriage. I've never met a person or seen research that indicated people regretted their decision to divorce, have you?

I'm really not sure why women get bashed for initiating divorce and men don't. Are we supposed to be forced to stay in a marriage (as well as forced to carry a pregnancy to term???)

Would anyone advocate for making divorce tougher? Why?

Answer 1

Bashing is the reason for divorce (I wish people wouldn't abuse that word).

Divorce should definitely not be made more difficult. It's not particularly easy as it stands.

There's no sense in forcing people to stay together. In an abusive relationship it might be a death sentence.

Answer 2

If men initiated the majority of divorces, Jo, you'd probably be first in line to bash them.

I certainly advocate doing away with no-fault divorce.  Since its inception, marriage has become just a government-approved version of going steady.

Answer 3

Usually the reason a woman initiates divorce is because she cannot survive without any money and the assets are often frozen or disappear if a man wants a divorce.  It's usually another humiliation a woman has to bear from a man who has not treated her right.

Answer 4

Let's face it, if men were the ones who initiated most divorces, you feminists would be all over the men who couldn't keep commitments and leave their ex-wives high and dry since after all, another argument you use is that men fare better after divorce.  I don't see it, since every single woman I've ever seen who went through the divorce came out with more than she put in, but that is a debate for another time.  You already blame men in a way for causing the woman to get the divorce.

Why would you even marry someone if their beliefs are that different from yours?  That seems like something you might want to figure out beforehand.  

Institutionalization is something that is covered by "for better or worse, in sickness and health."

Some of the others are legitimate reasons for divorce.

If you think divorce should be so easy you can just walk in and ask for one like you do a hamburger at McDonald's, you aren't even supporting the idea of marriage at all.  

The bashing of women who ask for divorces does go overboard, though.  I'll agree with that.

Answer 5

I can guarentee if men anitiated devorce, these very same men who bash women for it, would be making excuses for the men who did it.

Answer 6

Honestly, I just don't know.  

Divorce can be nasty and bitter, of course, and people's feelings get hurt, plus there are all the financial issues, but WHY would you want to be in a relationship with someone who no longer wants to be with you, unless you are some sort of weirdo control freak?

It hurts, yes it does, but life offers plenty of variety on that particular song.

Sort out the money and the kids, find a new life full of happiness for yourself, act like a decent human being and move on.

Cheers :-)

Answer 7

My ex initiated the divorce. We just didn't get along for the last 4 years or so, and counseling, anti-depressants, and other factors didn't help. I was going to stay at my fathers, and he said he knew I was thinking of leaving.

Everyone has their reasons why marriages fail. I take a lot of the responsibility for it failing, although I really did try. The reasons are personal and many, and I don't need to justify to anyone. It ended. We're friends now. We still care for each other, but we just didn't work out as a couple.

Bashing anyone for this doesn't get to the root cause, it simply causes more resentment.

Answer 8

I think what you are talking about is how many trolls blame all the divorces in the country on women, and specifically on feminists.  

That is like saying that men never file for divorce - wrong - and that women file for flimsy reasons.  Either way, it;s all troll-bait, so I just ignore it.

Getting divorced is bad enough without making it worse.  It's very expensive.

Answer 9

I am not familiar with that reaction, of women getting "bashed" more than men for initiating divorce.  It seems that men get "bashed" just as much.  In my own divorce, it was a kind of "chivalry" on my husband's part of not wanting to initiate proceedings and preferring not so much that I be the one to take on the "dirty work" of the deed but rather because, although it was a mutual separation, to allow me a public bubble or sense of, I guess, grace in not being the "rejected" one. I actually appreciated that.

Answer 10

"till death do us part"  

Answer 11

I got divorced several years ago, and my wife was royally browned off that I did it and not her, because it somehow made her look bad.  I just wanted out of it because of spousal abuse (yes ladies, it DOES happen to men too).  She ended up serving time for various things in the end.  Men do cop it a bit more than women, I do believe.

I believe, realistically, that more men should initiate proceedings and, as the honourable Colonel Reb says, if we initiated anywhere close to half or more, we would be in the firing line for abandonment or whatever.

If a woman wants out, fair enough, same with a man.  As to whether divorce laws and property/custody laws are biased one, I will let that lie for now.

As for using "institutionalisation" as an excuse for abandoning marriage, men are just as bound to it as women are, and it also outlines the responsibilities we are to each accept for the sake of our partner.  Plus when did you last see a magazine or TV show about weddings and marriage that was aimed at men?  Women aspire to the institution of marriage more often, and more publically than almost all men.  I would say, at the risk of copping flak, that many women are in love with the idea of the wedding day and marriage, and should consider more carefully their feelings about the man they are getting married too.  He is more important than having the perfect wedding day, or being able say to your friends how wonderful married life is.  As clvr1001 says: there is a sense of fantasy in many women about marriage.   This is not the fault of men: it is about women romanticising marriage to the point that when it does happen, it is a let down.

Answer 12

I really don't care who initiates it, I think there are a growing number of people who treat marriage like some high school relationship.  While some are validated many are not.  In fact there are a growing umber of uncontested and "irreconcilable differences".  

Divorce should not be more difficult, the process of getting married should.

EDIT- No, it is for people who don't have a real reason.

Answer 13

The #1 reason cited in divorce cases is conflict about finances/money.  That's nowhere on your list.

Answer 14

the reason women get bashed for initiating a divorce is because they usually don't provide much of the financial income if any at all and because they are entitled to half of what the man owns and then some it is seen as the man is being forced to give up things that he worked hard for simply because his wife lost interest or love.

Answer 15

I honestly think too many women have this 'fantasy' of what it is to be married.... I think many women get married because they feel they are a 'success' if they are married....

I think many women, after the whole fairy-tale part is over, realise they are in a situation they are not really happy in.

Men most likely feel like failures if their wife no longer loves them and wants to be married to them - I mean come on we all know about the fragility of the male ego! So they retailiate, by bashing them. They are quite happy to be the 'breadwinner' and patriach of the house during the marriage, but as soon as she becomes unhappy and wants a divorce, he comlplains that she is claiming half his assets!! So, he has set her up as a 'dependent', and then it comes back and slaps him in the face upon divorce!

The world is harder on women - Women can't do anything right!

Initiating divorce it would seem, would have to be a last straw, a desperate measure, and for a good reason!

But the world is too quick to judge women without knowing all the facts...

Answer 16

Ummm, I'm not sure why you're making the claim that women get bashed and men don't, that is not my experience AT ALL.

My experience is it depends on the person making the reaction... either they are for divorce in some cases, or completely against it. It has nothing to do with who initiates it, it's the act in general, many people just don't believe in divorce.

Also... women end up worse off after marriage? Nonsense.

If there are kids, the kids will go to the mother unless there is a serious and compelling reason for them to go to the father.

The Father will have to pay child support.

Half of the husband's earnings during the marriage will go to the wife.

Of course, things don't end too well for the woman in some cases... and usually both sides end up worse off... but your claim that women are bashed for divorce and men aren't doesn't make sense, and neither does your claim that women end up worse off than men.

Answer 17

I used to know a man who was married and divorced several times. He said he was the one who initiated all of his divorces. He used to say that it should be much tougher for people to get married but easy for them to get divorced.

Answer 18

Don't ask me.

The hubby wanted the divorce but even after a year of separation had not filed - so I had to.  

We split everything and moved on- at least I did.