Why aren't mothers held responsible for emotional abuse?

Question

I work at a school for emotionally abused childen from K-12.

They use profanity,physical violence and hostility. We take them to a room to cool off when they act out. In there we counsel them and help them understand the consequences of their actions. Most of these kids live wth their mother. I ask them.......

Q: When did you begin using profanity and where do they hear it. The answer is usually.......

A: Since I can remember and from my mother.

These Kids have no social skills or self control.

Why aren't Parents that emotionally abuse their children charged as criminals, it breaks my heart to hear a 6-8 year old tell a teacher "suck the P***k up *****". Where do they learn that? The case is the parent usually ingores their child,abuses (sexually, physically or emotionally) the child,leaves them alone home with no one to watch them. Yet, fathers are charged for financial issues, which is causing more damage? Many fathers are good men that can't find work. Whats the moms excuse

Answer 1

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a single parent? Clearly not. If your job is to help, then help and don't judge until you've walked a mile in these mothers' shoes. And maybe you should ask some of their "good men" why they aren't helping to bring up their own kids. Many fight almost to the death to avoid having any responsibility for their own flesh and blood, morally or financially. My daughter's father is one of them. She has never heard any bad language from me or anything against her father, but OMG, I feel like it sometimes.

Don't use religion as an excuse, you can quote the Bible to "prove" anything. Jesus preached love and compassion, and he said: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I would be willing to bet that you're not perfect, either as a parent or as a teacher.

What do you intend doing, anyway, to punish "inadequate" mothers? Fine them (most would be too poor to pay), throw them in jail? How do you think this would affect their already damaged children? I suggest you think about changing jobs if this is your attitude.

Answer 2

My ex husband physically and mentally abused me in front of the children, I did get the courage to leave when my boys were 6months and 2. My then 2 year old thought it was ok to hit people, he thought it was a way of life even though I never taught him that as a mother. They visited their father for 2 years even when he was at a bail hostel, the court awarded him visitation and his mother used to take them, both she and my ex told them what a bad person I was and that I deserved what I got. 3 years ago, he met someone else and got her pregnant he told the boys "daddy wont be seeing you anymore he is having a new baby" when the oldest asked why he answered "you don't get a new car and visit your old one" I habe brought these boys up single handed and with no extra money. They have turned out into lovely boys now, like all kids they have their moments but on the whole, no bad language and they completely know right and wrong with regard violence and other matters. A lot of mothers try their best and those who don't should be reported.

Answer 3

i think part of it is that emotional abuse is far harder to quantify than say not paying out alimony.

many women were treated in the exact same way themselves and basically believe that is how to treat a child (very wrong i know but they do do that)

it isn't limited to separated families or excluding the middle classes either

i can see this continuing to the next generation ad infinitum unless there is intervention in these families to re-educate the parents in how to bring up their children (or sterilise them if they refuse perhaps?)

Answer 4

Women are charged with emotional abuse all the time. If you think that one of your children at school is currently being abused, then report the mother to CPS. There is no way for the mom to be charged if no one reports the abuse. There is no reason for a mother to emotionally abuse a child. Who cares what the mom's excuse is, she should not be doing it. If she can't handle her child(ren), she does not need to have them.

Answer 5

Emotional abuse is bad and there is no excuse for it.. and it will leave the child traumatised... Still one cannot stereotype  and say it is always the mother.. I feel very deeply for those children who suffer from emotional abuse from either parent.. but what really brought my blood to boiling point is this story which is very big in the news headlines right now.. and I believe in this case.. which is much more than emotioal abuse.. the father is a monster but I am sure the mother is just as much to blame .. because I am certain she knew about what he was doing and instead of helping her daughter and grandchildren she did not go to the police...and for these people involved in this story.. their lives are finished.. they have been destroyed.. by the father in the first place but also by the mother because she condoned it..

http://news.aol.ca/article/Hunt-for-More...

parents like that make me more than sick.. this is  worse than anything imaginable... xx

Answer 6

i think each case should be judged on its own merits - some times its the father, sometimes its the mother.

you work at a school, you arent the police, you dont know the ins and outs of every story.

leave it to those who do that for a living.

keep doing the good work at your school!

x

Answer 7

I agree that mothers should be held accountable if they are emotionally abusive. However, you said "Fathers are charged for financial issues, which is causing more damage?" If the father is present and active in the child's life then he is just as guilty if the mother is emotionally abusive because there is no way he doesn't know about it- meaning he is letting it happen. Or if a father is completely absent from a child's life that's emotional abuse by itself. So in that situation I guess they should start pressing child abuse charges on uninvolved deadbeats too. Also, a mother is more likely to be emotionally abusive if she has copious amounts of stress in her life. Stress could easily be caused by that "good man" who can't find work and therefore doesn't pay her child support, leaving her with all the bills plus the task of raising the kids alone, etc. I'm not making excuses for anyone who speaks to their kids in the ways you mentioned- that's unbelievably sick. But, I think many of those mothers may be good women who are overworked, overstressed and have very little to no support. I think more than anything they need help. Whether it be counseling, parenting classes, a babysitter so they can have an occasional break, etc- they need help.

Answer 8

I agree with the first answer you got. There is no excuse for abuse, and it should not be tolerated at all regardless of who is responsible. There are many women however, raising children with little parenting skills, education, or opportunity with absolutely zero support from the children's fathers - which certainly doesn't help the child at all. It takes more than money to raise children, and the world would be a better place if parents that do pay child support realized that their time, encouragement, and support is all required in order to raise a healthy balanced child.

Answer 9

You're  right.  My mam was a dragon and tormented all 3 of her children all their lives.  My dear sister died aged 31 from pneumonia which was brought on by heroin and self starvation.  I still suffer with eating disorders and body dysmorphia aged 29 and my eldest sister has depression.  And who answers for it?? no one.  My dad has done his best to pull things back together since my sister died but to be honest he has got alot to answer for aswell.  I'm surprised at your attitude to fathers actually.  I would have thought that having seen and heard so much from kids that your mind would be a little more open to the damage that the male in the house can cause for his kids aswell.  How many kids suffer at the hands of violent abusive fathers?  Or are we just having a go at the mothers here??  I don't mean to be rude... but please don't just blame the women.

Answer 10

Where are the Dad's? This also causes psychological issues for the kids. Both parents should be held responsible. I hear what your saying. Some women that are single Mother's..are bitter because they have to work so many jobs to make ends meet and they end up taking it out on the kids. Kids are exposed to so much trash these days, and in these situations alot of kids are left on their own entirely too much, and they end up growing up way too fast. When there are no boundaries, these kids have no idea where to stop. It is sad.

Answer 11

I completely agree with you. Emotional abuse should be taken just as seriously as physical abuse.

I wont go into detail but I know how damaging it can be - alot of people completely overlook single mothers who abuse their kids - just because the mother isn't hitting them, doesn't mean they're not being damaged.

Answer 12

I also teach alot of emotionally disturbed kids. Sometimes it is TV, sometimes grandparents, sometiems  parents who are under a lot of stress and it just comes out, sometimes it is the Father, a bratty sibling who has learned it from friends or school, sometimes friends.

You can't blame mothers for everything..locking someone up in jail for saying or not protecting them from a cuss word or getting a bit overly upset sometimes is not the answer.  Sometimes parents  need parenting courses or anger management or even counselling.  Moms need support too, but so many times they suffer from depression are on drugs or addicted alcohol or have been raised that way as well.  Sometimes, yes, the parent does need to be locked up. I  am dealing with a real psycho right now who belittles her child right in front of me and I have reported her to the authorities many times. But unfortuanately this is Japan and the authorities pretty much ignore any family matters.

Answer 13

When it comes to mental and emotional abuse neither the mother or the father are prosecuted for this due to the fact it does not leave physical scars and is therefore much more difficult to prove. Prior to the start of a court case my child's therapist witnessed my ex mentally abuse my son but because it was hear-say was deamed irrelavant to the case. I had had children and youth involved on many occasions to help stop what his father was doing to no avail, only for the worker to leave my house in tears feeling just as helpless as I was.

It's not whether or not a mother can be held accountable for such actions for no one is willing to take the time to help these poor children no matter who is inflicting the harm because most times their hands are tied just as tightly as those witnessing such actions.

Answer 14

Don't make excuses for the Dad's man. The fact that they aren't around is damaging in itself.