Why bad mouth the bio parent?

Question

I mean seriously, without this person/ those people your child would not be here today, whatever the situation. I can't believe some of the things that i read. Your child does NOT need to know every detail. There is no reason to tell them everything and make them have hate-anger towards someone because of your own fear. I have nothing but RESPECT for my daughter's birth father, he knew he wouldn't be able to give her the life that my husband could, so he did what was right. He gave me one of the best gifts ever.

"Bless those who curse you, Pray for those who mistreat you."-Luke 6:28

Answer 1

Thank you for seeing pass the myths of the "unfit bio-parents".  We are not all on crack, irresponsible teens, alcoholics, deadbeats, welfare cases.......we are just like everyone else.  I'm sick to death of being called unfit because I relinquished.  I'm tired of people assuming I have no right to raise my older child simply because I relinquished her younger sibling at birth.  I'm just sick of the myths that surround bio-parents.  We love our children.  ALL of our children.  Just because we tried to do what we thought was best doesn't make us less of a parent.

Answer 2

i gave my daughter up for adoption and i often wonder if her adoptive parents have said anyting about me to her or if they tell her lies about me so that she won't have interest in meeting me later.

Answer 3

People bad mouth the bio parent because of their own insecurities over their own shortomings,whether real or imagined,or jealousy.

It's a futile effort to put someone else down to make them feel better.Problem is, the child is hearing that the person that they are made from is no good rotten, so what does that make the child in its own eyes?

Giving a child up for adoption is the most unselfish act of love in the world.

To surrender a child even knowing it is for the best of everyone,is to tear your heart out,yet some people we know of did it,with wonderful results...

The mother of Moses

Mary, the mother of Jesus

God...He GAVE His only begotten Son.

Answer 4

Those that "bad mouth" the couple that gave the child life, are usually dealing with issues themselves.  Sometimes, the only way some feel they can relieve the pain of their own life, is to make others suffers, as they are doing. I think the word would be fear, because for what other reason would they attack somebody else, if they were not fearfull themselves.

I do not condone such attacks, but sadly I understand them.

Somebody is hurting, and they want others to hurt as well.

I should add that in the case of one of my children, I was very unhappy as to what the woman did when she was pregnant with my son.  She was a chain smoker and alcoholic and he was born with fetal alcohol syndrom and had nicotine in his blood stream.  For the years he was in school, his life was a huge challenge because of his overall health.   One cannot feel good about such circumstances when you see a child suffering because of it.  However, I never bath mouthed her, I tried to put over, when it came up, that the lady had serious problems and that we should feel sorry for her.

This son is now 43 years of age, and has, at last overcome the conditions of his poor little physical body when he was born.

Answer 5

Why bad mouth ANYONE on this site?  It's so stupid and immature.  I find it ironic that many on here like to whine about stuff being done to them (abuse reporting, being mean, rude, their feelings being dismissed, etc) while they do the EXACT same thing to other people.  Everyone just needs to stop.

Answer 6

My husband and I are planning to adopt through the state, and we don't have any plans to badmouth the bio parents.  Ok, so bio mom (and/or dad) might be an alcoholic or drug addict, or have abuse issues, or whatever.  But #1, who the heck am I to judge?  Anyone want to take a good look at MY past?  Anyone up for comparing bio mom and me, to see who's "better"?  That's ridiculous.  And #2, exactly how would that help "our" child?  How would that make this child feel, to hear that the person or people who physically created him are so horrible?  Everyone has issues, and some people have a difficult time tackling the harder issues in life.  And some of us have had enough time to tackle those issues (with a whole lot of elbow grease) before having kids.  Does that make me better than anyone else?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  If I had had kids 10 years ago, I could have ended up in any bio mom's shoes.  I am no better than anyone's bio mom, and I am no replacement.  I'm just me...and I plan to encourage my kids to seek out their first parents.  I also plan to let my kids in on a little secret...nobody's perfect...and that's ok.

Answer 7

I agree with you - it happens so often.

Answer 8

This situation bothers me a lot and I see it done frequently here on Yahoo!Answers.  Maybe I'll go back and pull some links to show how.

It's too often that someone comes on here telling the internets what they really think of their "friend" or relative's choices in life that led to an unexpected pregnancy.  It is usually said in reference to a question that does not need the details given.  

How hard is it to ask this question:

My daughter is pregnant and I want to know more information about family adoption just in case.  Can someone help point me in the right direction?

Instead we get this question:

My daughter messed up her life, got pregnant by who knows which deadbeat man and is nowhere near ready to be a mother.  I fear for the life of this child, and she needs to get with reality and quit messing up everyone's lives.  How do I adopt her baby so she can continue on being a selfish horrible person?

The amount of irrelevant details is embarrassing.  And what is worse, is because those opinions about them are already being expressed, they reflect directly on the children being raised.  How hard is it to respect the person going through tough times by saying simply, "The reasons of why you were placed for adoption are complicated.  So complicated that you may never fully understand why it happened.  Tough times happen and people do what they choose the best path they can.  It may not be the same path you would have picked, but tough times make choices very hard to choose from."

But that's just me wishing for unicorn farts again.

Answer 9

my personal thoughts:  makes the adoptive parents feel better.

I mean come on: if you can make the first parent look foolish, stupid and what not you can then come in and make yourself be the savior.

It is not always the case but just what I have come across in the past few years.

Answer 10

I am so glad that someone has stood up for us!!! I placed my daughter for adoption 2 years ago and was the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever gone through. It was a wonderful feeling to be able to give a couple the opportunity to be parents. I come from a LDS family and was supported through the whole thing. It was not my choice to place her just cuz of my religion but because i knew i wouldnt be able to care for her like i should. I gave her a wonderful family that could love her as i do. I was 19 and not ready to be a mom even though i know i would have been good. Anyways I just wanted to say thanks and to say i am glad that someone does think of "us" as good people unlike some. You wouldnt believe some of the things people have said to me.

Answer 11

My husband was adopted, and we both agree that the parents who put children up for adoption should not be attacked.  If they did not feel they could care for the child, they should be respected for admitting that and letting the child go to a home that could care for him/her.  It's a hard decision to make.

Answer 12

You are so right!

Answer 13

Please don't think all adoptive parents do this.  The one time I came anywhere close to saying something negative about my first mother (over my frustration at the reunion's not working out), my a'mom read me the riot act!

Answer 14

What if the child would have been aborted?

It is good the birth parent chose to give up the child to a good home instead of killing it.

If you can't suport a child, give it a chance at life. Give him/her a good home to someone who loves them

And why would an adoptive parent want to bad mouth the bio parent. I would think they would be glad that they gave them their doughter or son.

Why bad mouth the bio parent? They did the right thing

Answer 15

amen, amen, amen....

honestly trisha, (our names are so close, that i had to edit it because i typed my own :-) if you read the adoption blogs, you'll see were the bad mouthing stems from.

i have read some of the most vile and horrific things written about pregnant women you'd want to see.  some aparents blog about "hating" pregnant women, stating that it's unfair that "those" women get pregnant (young, minority...) while they can't. or admitting to running out of the mall crying because a woman had a small child and was pregnant. one amom even bragged about cutting off a pregnant woman and taking the "expecting mothers" spot at  the grocery store.

that's the root of it, IMO.  now, is that the general feeling? no.  are these women who think like this slightly touched in the head? yes.  are all amoms this callous?  h**l no.

bottom line: people are often angry about what they can't have. so they become angry and nasty towards the people who have it.

it's called jealousy.

Answer 16

No parties involved should be bashing the other. I have found that it isn't the adoptive parents doing it, it is adoptee's bashing them for making the decision to give their child away.(if you really read the answers and who is giving them you will find this true) They don't want to realize that it was the right decision for that person. Some are under the impression that just because they wouldn't give their child up that it is wrong for anyone to do it. Which to me is wrong to think that. Everyone's reasons for doing this is different. As for what they are told by their adoptive parents depends on just how much they actually do know. Saying things to them just to be hurtful or to make one's self look better is just plain wrong. But in some cases what they tell their children is the truth and alot of times the child asks these questions, and I believe if someone asks they should be told the truth. Everyone's situation is different and must be handled in the manor that is right for them.

Answer 17

i have never heard an adoptive parent bad mouth the bio parent.maybe some do through the fact that possibly the bio mother had been on drugs and this had affected the child,i don't know.but i would imagine that for the majority of adoptive parents who bad mouth the bio parent,it is probably because they feel insecure about themselves.maybe inadequate if they could not have a bio child themselves,and take out those frustrations on someone who could,and not able to care for that child.maybe the aparent feels better about themselves,as if the have "saved" this child from a worse fate.whatever happens,i am sure these parents are in the minority and most aparents feel relief and gratitude towards the bio mother.