Why can't I be happy without drugs and alcohol?

Question

I have been in AA, NA and have lived that life for a couple years. Wasn't life to me and I wasn't happy. One of the sayings is "Don't forget where you came from" After I lost my ex-fiance and our baby I was borderline suicidal on a daily basis. I usually drink till I feel good, take pills and I was smoking dope trying to OD, and my mind wanted to do something and wandering in traffic wasn't it

I have tried to let go and not live in the past but I cannot get over that my life today is because of the past. Sober or not I really dont want to live. But it isn't so bad when I'm drunk or high. I have 2 children and I cant see them. I didnt really have a father growing up and it hurt me bad. It's just devastating to feel like this. Wishing to die before you open your eyes. I know people in my family who are dependent on all sorts of head pills. Ive seen them go through worse times when they dont have their meds! I dont want to be dependent on medication. I for sure dont want to be a d**n science experiment testing out head pills for years to find out what i need. I haven't been happy for a while now.

I live in Minnesota and would be willing so see an expert possibly.

Answer 1

I can so relate. Bought that T-Shirt. What it took for me was psychiatric intervention and medication to help me stick it through.

But you need to see someone who specializes in Addictions. Any doctor, psych, counselor  you see from now on has to have a degree in addictions specialization otherwise you are wasting your time.

You'd be surprised at how little most doctors know about it. Addiction is a "one day course" for most of them. What's going on is when you get sober the stuff you were running from is still there, right? So you need to heal from that stuff and it doesn't come out of a book or meetings for some of us. Some of us have bonafide mental problems.

We self-medicate. That's called dual diagnosis. There are Dual Diagnosis groups springing up all over the place. I recommend that you get into a mental institute/addictions program for observation and assessment. I spent some time in one of the institutions here and then 8 months in a women's residential treatment center. I am still sober and loving it (4 years). Don't waste any more years getting here.

I waited until my 50's and now, well, think of the wreckage I left behind.

Answer 2

its mostly because of your past