Why can't I ever make my father proud?

Question

It's been over five years since I graduated college (I am 29) and I've gone from being a lowly bartender to an extremely successful employee at a financial services firm. Basically I've built my success from the ground up, but I can never, ever, get so much as an acknowledgment or a hint of praise from my father. As soon as I attain success, he tells me to race to the next milepost, and does not even let me relax for a moment and enjoy my accomplishments. He will not stop telling me to get an MBA (which I do NOT need as I am making excellent money right now - and I do NOT want to go back to school) and picking apart and analyzing every single aspect of my life, to the point where I am just simply exasperated and despondent. Years of this harsh and unrelenting commentary have left me resentful and unwilling to continue a kinship with him. I've worked so hard to make him proud and I've realized it's all been for naught - except I am now happy with what I have achieved. How can I make him stop his constant diatribe so I can have a good relationship with him before he passes away? He just turned 68 and I am afraid he will go to his grave knowingly having driven me away. I just cannot take it anymore and I sent my mother an email stating I am cutting off contact until they respect my life and my maturity to pursue my own goals.

Answer 1

YOU WILL NEVER EVER be happy trying to make others PROUD of you.

My dad told me this at age 10 and, he was right.

Live you life to the fullest ,making yourself  happy and proud.We all want to make those we love proud of us,but not at the expense of your own happiness and sanity.

Have a honest TALK with your dad or write him a heart felt honest and sincere letter,cutting yourself  off from your parents isn't going to make things better long term.COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY,but you all have to be open to the process.

It seems your dad,wants the best for you,and wants  you to acheive more than he has,he just doesn't seem to know how to articulate his feelings to you,so it comes across as being harsh and unrelenting.Good luck!!!!!

Answer 2

It sounds like you made a sucess of your life. Be proud of your self even if he isn't. You can do only so much to please him and I would say you went way beyond that. Just enjoy your life and don't worry about his view of you..

Answer 3

Your father wants for you, what he couldn't have. He is living his life through you, and he dosn't know when to stop and smell the roses.  You need to go to him and tell him, that you love him with all your heart, but because he is constantly nagging you to do better, you have doubts that he can accept you, for who you are and what you have obtained. I think if you give your father a chance to realise that he is pushing you away, he will stop.

A person doesn't know he is doing anything wrong, unless you sit down and tell them. You can't correct mistakes, until you know what mistakes you have made, and then you have to work to undo them.  You have to show them the maturity that you have and handle this as a man not their little boy. Parents forget that kids grow up, and that they taught them well. It's hard to stop being a parent and wanting the best for your children. Make sure you give him a HUGE hug, and let them know that you are still their son, but a grown up one.  

Answer 4

Sounds like an exerpt from my life. I'm 49, raised three wonderful children (one's a policeman). I have my own business, am happily married and try to be the best person I can be. BUT my 72 year old father is still Mr. Critical. He once said, " I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but if your sister wanted to, she could be a brain surgeon". Say, what? She left her husband to go live with some alcoholic fecalfeliac across the country she met on a s*x cam thing. She's a boozer who has my parents raising her kid. Guess she chose not to be a brain surgeon. Needless to say, we don't speak. Do what's best for you. Something you can live with.

Answer 5

I think alot of what our parents do comes from a place of love but manifests first in a place of fear.  I think your father is most likely very proud of you, but he is so bombarded with society's negativity that things are "never enough" that he is still fearful for your future.  

Or he wants to push you to succeed because he wishes someone would have pushed him to be a better man?  Who knows but with all your successes, the one failure you will never let yourself forget is that you never told your dad that the only thing in life you really want is his acknowledgment and praise.  Go and talk to him man to man.  At least you can say that you tried with him.  Good luck to you.

Answer 6

he is gettin old and is probly worried about death...

i wud just leave it..he could be doting..

this is a hard time in his life..let him deal with it

please answer mine thank u

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

its not about making him proud, its being proud of yourself. u might spend all your life trying to impress him but if he really loves u which i am sure he does than he will be proud of you nomatter what u do in life. sometimes old people just have a hard time expressing their feelings but its in them and we just need to look harder. gl :)

Answer 8

It sounds to me like you are doing very well for yourself and have every right to be proud of oneself. Please hold this feeling and do not go searching for this acknoweledgment from your father.

Your story gave me goosebumps, as my father has passed away in 2005. I was denied contact from him by my stepwitch (she was a psychologist lol) In the 2.5 years he was sick I was able to visit him 3 times for an hour always under her supervision of course)

On the last time we meet before he passed we had a couple of minutes of real time alone. I nearly daren't ask him, but I did ask if he was proud of me. He nearly choked on it, seriously. He could barely say the much longed for ' yes of course darling, your my little girl'

Just before the others came back, he mumbled 'mwah, you didn't turn in to a crook / criminal.

At the time I had just had a baby, his first grand son (who only got to see him once, the last time) This whole episode got me spiralling in to depression, job loss, even worse depression etc. It took me three years to get out of this and still we are battling the debts which were caused in my annus horribilus.

As my therapist taught me in dissolving this relationship with my dad, please fill the wholes in yourself by yourself and don't give your dad the opportunity to make to holes even bigger. Be satisfied with the accomplishments you have made on your own account. You have proved you are a big girl now and you don't need his financial assistence. If you grow even more, you will not even need the emotional assistence.

Being a really big girl is now looking at the other steps and accomplishments you want to gain in life. I didn't read anything about a partner or the deeper and larger personal commitments (a.i. kids). Maybe this is something you should be considering in stead of seeking approval, in a place where you are not going to get it.

Another lesson I learned from my dad and stepwitch is: don't take your work and status too seriously because they will eventually deny you of the beautiful circle life can be. And please Dont be proud and cocky at this stage of your fathers life, he could die tomorrow or live up to be 80. Even though I was denied face to face contact I am pleased that I called him every two weeks, he never asked me how I was doing, but I kept on calling to ask how he was doing. I feel that even though he didnt do the right thing as a father, I anyhow 'kept my part of the deal' and I could look back and burden myself how I could have done it differently.

I hope this answer helps you some kind of way, and thank you for giving me an opportunity to write away some of my grievance.