Why can't I get my daughter to listen to me?

Question

My daughter has been acting up more and more since her daddy's been gone to Iraq and even more so since she's been around her spoiled *** cousin. Help me tame her please.

Answer 1

Set rules. Inforce rules. Take her out of the situation if she refuses to listen / act correctly. Might want to seriously limit her time with  the bratty cousin too.

Answer 2

i would say talk to her if it dont work she needs  good spankin to cool her down..

Answer 3

well its sad she misses her daddy but you need to take the ropes and make her realize hes gone for awhile and she must listen to you because your the mom thats why!! if you let her walk all over you cause you feel bad for her cause your husband has gone to Iraq then she is going to take advantage of that like she has been doing and maybe keep her away from her cousin for awhile till she can be a good girl and let her know why your doing what your doing as your doing it how old is she?? that has alot to do with how you can punish her for acting bad and not listening sometimes despite what ppl think talking and being nice and pretty much *** kissing doesnt work then a spanking might be in order dont use the " my daddy has gone away" for an excuse shes making the choice to do what she is maybe her dad can talk to her when he calls and he can tell her to listen to you etc etc that just might work and god bless you and your family and thank your husband from the bottom of my heart for fighting for our country and being brave god bless him!!!!!! good luck hope this helps despite the thumbs down im about to get..........lol raise your kid as you see fit

Answer 4

Everyone who has posted is correct.  Your daughter is dealing with the absence of her father in the only way she knows how.  But you need to help her learn better ways of dealing with those emotions.

First, deal with the misbehavior.  Don't let up on the time outs.  BUT -- when the time out is over and both of you are calmer, pull her into your lap and tell her you know she is missing Daddy and it's okay to talk to you about it.  She probably won't say much except, "I want Daddy" and cry.  But let her do that and comfort her and tell her that Daddy misses her too.  Then when the crying is over, find pictures of the two of them to look at (it may cause more crying, but the child needs help expressing her grief). It would be great to find funny photos so that she can laugh at the silly poses.  

The point I'm trying to make is that she needs an outlet to express her feelings in a more constructive way and you allowing her to cry and share and talk about Daddy is going to help her.

You might also want to encourage her to draw a picture of herself and daddy doing something fun together that they liked.

Also, better contact (if possible) with Daddy would help.  A  phone call, pictures from Daddy, whatever.  Go to her daddy's local family assistance office if you need help with finances or whatever.

As for the bratty cousin, I'd explain to her that while Cousin Brat's parents let him/her do x, she can't do x because you are her mommy and you make the rules. At the toddler stage, she'll accept it without much argument.

And, above all, take care of yourself too.

Answer 5

As hard as it is, I'm sure you know how her Daddy going away must have affected her - just like it does you.

It must be bad for you at this time (I'm assuming you and her father are together, sorry if I am wrong!)

I suggest maybe spending abit of extra time with her - not spoiling her with treats or anything, I just mean a few more trips to the park. Talk to her about Daddy and tell her that he will be back soon. She must be feeling so confused inside, poor mite.

Keep her away from her bratty cousin, too, of course.

Look after yourself, also.

Answer 6

The sooner you learn that they usually don't listen the better, I'm just joking (kind of). Think how hard this on her. She's just as sad as you are, if not, more. She doesn't have as good a handle on this as you do. Give her a t-shirt that smells like daddy or that she is familiar with seeing him in to keep under her pillow. Then talk to her about why daddy had to go. Tell her that you're sad and scared to. Mostly be sympathetic to her pain but don't let her control you and don't be shy about telling her that you are the mommy and if she doesn't listen that there are consequences. Be consistence with whatever punishment you chose for her even when you are in public. Good luck to you and your family :)

Answer 7

She's acting out missing daddy. You are not only the mommy, but also playing the role of dad for a while, so you need to show alot more patience and understanding toward her than normal. You also need to get breaks every once in a while so you two aren't getting on each other's last nerve. See if you can join a babysitting co-op, or maybe a close neighbor or friend can watch her while you go out and do something for yourself, or even take a nap. You'd be amazed at how a little distance between the two of you can repair frazzled nerves! Timeouts work great at the 2 year old stage, but you have to be 100% consistent in how, where and why. Redirect "bad" behavior to more acceptable outlets, like running her around outside for a while, crafts, hide and seek. Really anything to burn off energy and boredom. It sounds labor intensive, but I think the change of scenery and a little energy burning might be what she needs. Good luck, and God bless! (From a not necessarily religious person, but proud of our troops and the effort and sacrifice they and their families are putting in for the rest of us us.)

Answer 8

Speak to her loud and firmly!

Answer 9

I wonder if she might be, in some way, acting out to "test" you, since her father has left.   Emotionally, she might be worried that since her father (previously a constant in her life) has left, you might be next.  You've got a lot of good answers here, and I think many of them are saying the same things:

1. Limit the time with the cousin.  Especially if the cousin is older, your daughter might be emulating her out of admiration or just novelty.  I'm sure you don't want to cut the connection completely, though, so try structuring their time together a little more.  If they have more things to do (go to the zoo, watch a movie, make cookies, splash in a kiddy pool) that have an adult right there with them, I wonder if that might help?

2. Keep being there.  As time goes by and your daughter realizes that you are still there, every day, every night, she will relax a little.  Being consistent is the most important thing with a child, I think; be consistent with your presence and be consistent with what you expect from her.  It's always tempting to give in after a tantrum or to let her get away with more when you have a headache, but for young children especially, that can come back to bite you later.

3.  Make sure she thinks about her father every day, in a way that reinforces his love for her and his eventual return.  I'm not invovled with the military, so most of what I know about military familes these days comes from news sources, but there seems to be a lot of great stuff.  Does her father have access to the internet?  I know some people have blogs, myspace, video chatting, etc, to keep them up to date.  I've seen children who are given dolls with photo images of their missing parent, which strikes me as creepy, but it might work for a toddler.  Some of them even have voice boxes that have a message the father has prerecorded.  I'm sure you have pictures of her father around--maybe establish a ritual around those, where you say good morning to the picture with her every morning.  Maybe have a calender, where you mark off when her father will return.  This might be a little overwhelming if it's a long time, but it might also help her establish a sense of time.

4.  Make sure you have support.  A church group, a military families group, a babysitting co-op as another answerer suggested, anything that helps you remember that you are not alone.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.