Why can't I just BE MYSELF? How do I get over this SHYNESS at school?

Question

(sorry this got kinda long but please, please read on! Or skim if you have to, i just need help! *sigh*)

I'm new at a school and I don't even know what to do!

I found some people I can relate to who let me sit with them at lunch but I have no other classes with them and when I'm with them I never know what to say! They are like the only ones who try to talk to me and I don't want to shut them away! When I do, it's something off and makes me seem boring. I just listen to them talk and nod or smile and whatnot and I'm really worried they thought they liked me at first but now don't because i'm no fun. And sometimes I think they are saying things about me behind my back when they most likely aren't. (i'm kinda paranoid like that)

Plus what should i do when everyone else is talking and having a good time and I'm the only one standing away by myself? Should I just randomly pop in and say something? What should I say? How do I ease into a conversation?

And most importantly how do I just get over the shyness quickly and be myself? I feel like i'm a little kid or something like that surrounded by "big kids" and i'm trying to fit in.

It usually take me awhile to warm up to people, but I'm worried that no one will wait and I'll get labeled as "the outcast."

Answer 1

O your just shy :/ You know what really helps if they talk about something you like (example The Dark Knight) Give in ur feelings and stuff into the conversation. You can't be to slow because then people will get impatient and leave. What ever kinda person u are be that in the group of Friends if your funny br funny if your sarcastic funny be sarcastic funny just be yourself.  

Answer 2

well we can't really tell you anything but to just start small and work your way up shyness and awkwardness is a part of being a teen so just learn to overcome it and smash it into the ground. don't tell yourself your shy or anything, change your inner thoughts. Tell yourself that you are awesome, friendly and people should be BEGGING to sit with you. It's all about how you see yourself. It doesn't matter how people see you. There is always going to be someone that will try to bring you down and be a hater but you just have to know how to deal and don't let them affect you.

Answer 3

Ahaha I have BEEN in the exact situation.

It's cool that you've found a group to hang out with. Go see a movie or do something to bug a parent or sibling, then share the craziness with your group. Ask questions about certain teachers or things you've heard about, or talk about your opinion on an issue. A convo will ensue.

Don't worry, i get paranoid about new people as well. Those sneaky lizards...

If you see someone who looks friendly or appears to need a friend, go over, introduce yourself, and just ask a question about that person or make a sincere compliment. People will always open up to you if you just smile and give them a little ego boost when you meet them.

Don't freak out too much. You've got plenty of time to make friends this year. I feel the same way right now because I'm starting high school and only 2 of my close friends will be attending with me. I won't have my bestie to support me, so I'm gonna have to force myself to meet others.

I'm very shy and it takes a while for me to learn to trust someone and get to know them, but I have found that most people, if they are going to be your friend, will be patient.

Best of luck!  

Answer 4

I think that the easiest way is to get to know them one by one. Say to one of them 'I like your shirt' or 'cool hair' with a big smile. Take opportunities as you come or go to be beside one person as they are on the edge of the group and ask them about something that they mentioned previously... like the dentist, homework, or whatever else they were talking about.

Also the way you think has alot to do with how you present yourself. If you are worried about becoming the outcast, your body lanague and nonverbal comminication will be 'smaller' but when you get in there and sit up straight and make eye contact and think positive like "I am sure glad to have these friends right now!", than your whole energy changes.... even without saying anything.

P.S. it's ok to be quiet and smile and nod. Than when you do say something, people take you seriously. Better to be quiet than to talk non-stop:)

Answer 5

I have the exact same problem. That's why I've decided to just be a loner. I have a few good friends but people don't treat me right because I'm ugly... their loss. But I will try to help anyways.

1. so what if they are saying things about you? try to get over your shyness (I know that's hard) andask them staright up about how they feel about you.

2. I usually just sit out in situations like that, but when I'm feeling social, I just join in. I may feel out of place, but in time I fit in... for a bit, at least.

3. I'm also pretty shy around new people. I would try maybe telling them that you are shy and might take time to warm up... a person who'd be a true friend would understand.

Just remember you aren't alone in this situation, and if people don't accept you for who you are, that's their loss. I'm still looking for people who accept me for who I am, but I'm pretty happy being alone. That's just the way I am. I'd rather spend time with animals than people.

Answer 6

I'd give anything to go back to high school knowing then what I know now (I'm 40).  I don't envy any kid today trying to find a way to just get into a comfort zone so school isn't h**l.

Listen, no matter what you think now - who you are is JUST FINE.  Jump into the conversation!  Talk about things that interest you.  And ask questions about what your new group of friends likes - getting someone to talk about themselves is a sure way to get them talking!  After all, what's more interested to someone else than themselves, right???

I agree with getting some phone numbers and making some connections after school, or email addresses.  It'll give you a chance to get to know everyone without all the pressure of school.

Pretty soon, you'll find your place.  And even if it takes a while, before you know it, you'll wonder what you were stressing over so bad.

Hey and here's a crazy idea - have you connected with one or two people you can tell them how you are feeling?  Maybe they can help you figure stuff out too.

Answer 7

i even feel that way at my school sometimes which i have been going there since kindergarten. anyways, yeah, i think you shud just jump into a convo and start talking!!!!! ask 4 sum of your new friends' ### so you can call them and make plans. get to kno them more. show them that you are not afraid to do anything!!!!!! stay strong and just keep going   ♥♥♥

p.s. being yourself isnt a bad thing, just to let ya kno =]

Answer 8

A couple of hours ago you answered my question about caring.I care much about you too. Thank you so much.You have made me broke down in tears of joy.By the way some person told me school is a cruel cruel place.Be your self.

Answer 9

oh lol, this is a easey question, okay this usually never happens to me,lol, not braging or anythin, but when it does happen , it just means there not your friends, u need to find someone that you share common interests, i'll give u a example> sports, i found a lot of friends from there, and as for girls you could them through classes, simple

Answer 10

well, Ask your guidance  counceler if she can set up a group for the new kids, and say ANYTHING to the people you sit with don't worry, your a kid have fun i did the same thimgs i just told you and it worked. i'm 47 and i know what to do kid, trust me

Answer 11

When you talk to the girls that you sit w/ at lunch, find something you guys have in common. You say you can relate to them so just stop worryin about them likeing you cause that could cause you to get annoying. Its perfectly normal for you to want to fit in, but don't think on it to much. Don't be so nervous, and gain some self confidence and everything will be alright. And when it comes to makin other friends, don't just join a conversation cause that gets annoying when the "new girl" trys to do that. Just start simple, like in class just make simple conversations with people, just be really nice and polite and people will like you for who you are.

Answer 12

You know what? Don't worry about it.

You are at school only to learn how to learn, nothing else.

Don't bother about other people, in few years you will not remember them, they will not remember you. They are there as you, just to learn how to lean, nothing else.  You don't choose them to be your friends, it happened that they are there in the same school at the same time as you.  You don't need to have they as your friends, or to have a good time with them.

Just be yourself, make your own happiness, don't depend your happiness to come from other people, it doesn't work like that.

In some way, it is much better have no friends at all than have bad friends or friends that only want something from you, and are not willing to give you anything, just problems and bad time.

Remember, it is much better to be alone than with bad company.

No friend is better than a bad one.

Ok, still wanting to partner around?

Don't overdo, just split your lunch with somebody that is also alone in the corner, you may find out a very good friend like you.

Answer 13

I've been in the same boat when i was in school.

I seemed like "the weird kid who just stood there" but i soon met a nice girl, who was new just like me. And we became good friends.

If you think that your going to be an outcast, just go along with what all the other kids do and some may find you cool and you'll mix in.

Good Luck

:)

Answer 14

Maybe you have social anxiety, please don't take this in a rude way:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxi...

http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html#...

http://www.google.com/search?q=social+an...

Good Luck

Answer 15

Man, how is it like to be self-conscious 24/7

It usually takes me forever to get someone to like me (usually a year) im sorry i dont have the best answer i want to know what will people tell you.

i just wish you good luck and try your best to get over it, nobody is better than you just remember that