Why can't I just forgive and forget?

Question

It wasn't even that big of a deal, me and this guy I met at work went out for like a month, and he dumped me and found another gf in record time (-1 day, so technically, he cheated on me). He said that he prefered we stay friends, but I'm pretty sure it was because I didn't put out as quickly as he wanted. But for some reason, even though I didn't really have feelings for him, I can't let go of my anger. This happened a few months ago, and whenever I go anywhere near where I used to work with him (I quit, not because of him though) I get extremely angry and end up punching walls and such. This isn't the first time this happens to me either, and last time it took me almost 2 years to get over it. My problem is that I hold it all inside, and even when I tell my friends about it, all my hurt turns to anger- which I hide very well... I dont know what else to do

Answer 1

You're not even supposed to date co-workers.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are angry with yourself. If he dumped you because you didn't 'put out' then he probably did you a favor! It sounds like you aren't really mad at him. It sounds like you are mad at you. Maybe you have to forgive you before you can forgive others. You have made some bad choices in men. Lots of us have, honey! Don't get so down on yourself!

You can start by going for guys who are really into you. If this guy was into someone else and you didn't know something was up, it doesn't sound like you had a good 'connection' with him to begin with! If this happened before with another guy, maybe you weren't reading his signals very well. If a guy keeps pressuring you to have s*x before you are ready, then that's probably all he wants. Newsflash: If he isn't willing to take the time to get to know you as a person, he probably doesn't want a serious relationship with you. You can also go for better quality men. It doesn't sound like this guy had a lot to offer.

Another plan too, don't c**p where you work, so to speak. 'Work. relationships almost never work out. Why do you think many companies forbid it? Seeing someone all day at work AND when you come home is HORRIBLE for a relationship! There are plenty of guys who don't work with you and if theings don't work out you aren't stuck looking at them every day!  

2 years is a long time to be mad about something like this. You said yourself it wasn't a big deal. You dated, it didn't work. Maybe you are using this as a scapegoat for other things wrong in your life? This doesn't sound like a good thing. Maybe you should consider therapy.

Seriously are these jerks worth your energy? Or would you be better off spending that time looking for someone who IS the right person. Look at the bright side, at least you didn't sleep with him THEN have that happen! You should be glad you held out on him! There are millions of men in this world way better than this guy. Why not give one of them a chance? You won't have to look far to find a better catch than this jerk!

Answer 3

it's totally understandable that you still get annoyed and mad at him even though you have no feelings for him. its a girl thing, and you feel disrespected since he cheated on you.

you have the right to feel like that, but just think positive. you should feel so mature that you stood up for yourself, and respected yourself into not putting out so quick as he wanted. thats great, and he's immature for breaking up with you.

Answer 4

you have a hard time letting go of rejection. yourf feeling like what this jerk did is somehow a reflection on you when obviously he didn't take you seriously to begin with if he was already looking for another girlfriend while with you. another thing you should realize is that your immature behavior and anger issues probably surface more than you think and that can be a major turn off to any guy regardless of what you look like. and your not doing a good job of holding your anger in if you end up hitting walls  

Answer 5

Go and seek professional help that is what you need to do.  

Answer 6

find someone else ^^

OR

kill him

your choice (i really dont recommend the 2nd option, but hey, an option is an option).

and get a stress ball. you sound lik your gonna go on a killing spree anytime soon.

(i recommend the ones, where u squeez and the ears eyes and mouth pop out. cuz they amuse me )

Answer 7

seriously get some anger management help I'm not kidden you sound unstable

Answer 8

Well, I guess mainly it happens because it hurt you. well forgive and forget is really hard for me too. I don't know about relations well. As i say ( always) breath. If he just wants to be friends just be friends. Don't act weak. Ignore him, and if he comes to talk or something just act as if you don't care, but smile, and pretend that he's a passer-by. After about 2 weeks you'll get over it

My advice may not help you, but wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Wait for the right man to come along.

Answer 10

this is bull****

Answer 11

You shouldn't forgive and forget, but just forgive.  Just because someone forgives another doesn't mean that they should forget and have it happen again.  In other words, learn from your experiences and let go of the anger.  

Also, there is no such thing as being cheated on unless you both clarified a monogamous commitment, which I'm almost positive didn't happen after just one month.  

Yes, holding your feelings inside can cause problems with anger, but the main problem I'm seeing here is basically just having delusional thoughts about what your relations are.

EDIT

I can't believe these answers I'm reading about how this is a girl thing, or this happens because we are women.  That's total nonsense!  It has nothing to do with s*x.  I know because I've seen men go through the same thing.

Answer 12

I use to be the same way. Because we are woman. We have to get angry and bitter to get over it. Bitterness comes natural with rejection. We think of all the reasons why men are jerks. If we couldn't find a reason then we would have to admit something is wrong with us. Men are shallow! Lol! I'm sure there is no argument there. If we didn't have them what would us girls giggle about. You just need to change your entire attitude towards the dating world. Realize if he is a shallow jerk then he isn't worth a thought. Do what I do now when faced with rejection. I say "Next in line please."