Why can't I let go????

Question

He tells me that he loves me 'alot' but not like that. Then a couple days later I get a text message that says "I love you very much". The next day on the phone I get "I wish you were up here this weekend". but he doesn't anymore than friendship. I want more, but know I can't have it. So why can't I let go? His mother also calls me and invites me to stay the weekend at her house with him, before telling him. And she tells me that she is putting in good words for me with her son.

Answer 1

Actually you can let go, you simply don't want to because it would be too painful. Look inside yourself and review the thoughts and fantasies you've had involving this person being in a loving and committed relationship with you. Such beautiful and passionate thoughts aren't they? Think of the one where you and he are holding each other and snuggling. It makes you feel safe, loved, and needed. In his arms you are not alone but are a part of something beautiful and happy.

The problem is, he doesn't feel the same way and he won't allow himself to feel that. If he does, he understands that the life he has built for himself will be over.

I've encountered a myriad of guys who tell others, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." This is double speak and nothing more. One person that comes to mind, his name was Cary. He "acted" as if he loved but did not possess the ability to love and in so doing he wrecked many lives and hurt a lot of people, except himself.

His mother, more than anyone, can discern this flaw in her son and wants as much as you to correct this. I hate to inform you both that you can't fix him. You can't put love inside someone by osmosis. It doesn't work that way.

People like this are hedonistic and love is merely a word used to placate or manipulate others. You on the other hand can not only say the word, but you can "feel it" and express it. Not everyone can. If he were to "love" then he would have to commit to you and to that love and thus he could no longer feel safe from the pain of a break up.

He will continue to "protect" himself from love and as they say, "evil rewarded is evil repeated." He will not change unless he decides for himself that he wants to change. Nothing you can do or say will change him. The change must come from within.

My advice to you is, find someone who has the capability to love and focus on that. It seems that in your life love is a very important factor and part of you. Don't give up on love but do give up hoping he will change. There is no magic spell to bring it about. It will only wreck you and your life.

Somewhere out there is a loving person waiting for you and this guy is merely standing in the way of that happiness until you step around him and begin that search. I'm telling you all this because I don't like seeing people like yourself hurt. I've been there and done that.

I hope this has helped even if it's not what you wanted to hear.

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Answer 2

It don't sound like your ready to let go. It sounds like your going to have to end it all together, I mean if you cant do the friendship thing with loving him so much its just going to cause conflict in the end so If I was you I would get away from the situation and see where it goes. Chances are he loves you more then he knows and wants you back as his partner again.

Answer 3

oh how painful unrequited  love is . just remain his friend ,he may figure out your the one ,but don't hold your breath. you'll find someone else in time, and this will just be a sad memory . i feel for you good luck