Why can't I stop thinking about killing myself?

Question

I'm 16. In january this year I was assaulted by my dad... He broke my arm and left me with bad bruises. We'd been so close before that, and as a result I had a complete nervous breakdown. I couldn't leave the house or eat anything without having a panic attack. I switched quickly between feeling completely high and deeply depressed. I was self harming, suicidal (although I never attempted) and had an eating disorder. Eventually I took myself to A & E and they referred me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I only see him once a month, and at the minute he is 'trying' different medications. I feel like I'm going round in circles and I can't stand to feel this way much longer. I'm not sure how much more I can take before I'll have to escape.

Death has become an obsession to me, I spend hours thinking of complicated suicide plans and letters. It's comforting to know I have suicide as my get-out clause. I know it's selfish, but right now I don't care. It's not like it'll matter to me once I'm gone.

How can I stop thinking like this? I think I may actually attempt it. I don't want to die, I just don't want to be myself anymore. I can't see things getting any better in the future, they just seem to be getting worse. I've lost all my friends because I've stopped going out - even something simple like the noise of a windscreen wiper reminds me of being in my dad's car and causes a panic attack... so I've just stopped leaving the house. I'm supposed to be starting a new school in september, but I know I can't cope with it. Every time I'm put in a stressful situation I have a panic attack.

...Is there any hope at all that things can get better? Or should I give up, admit defeat and end it all?

Answer 1

Of course there's hope that you will get better your a fighter.

My friend had really bad depression and she fought it.

It isn't selfish for you to think these things but think of how your mother will feel finding a suicide note.

At times like this i know its hard to think about others and there feeling but you must try.

Please do not give up there are ways out of these things,the last thing people want to see are 16 year old girls cheated out of there life by depression.

Get Better.

xx

Answer 2

Don't give up. Acceptance is the key. You say that you don't want to be yourself anymore. Well I have some great news for you. In 6 months time you will not be the same as you are now, and In 6 years time you will be a completely different person.

Don't resort to drink or drugs (other than perscribed medication). Don't worry about not going out with your friends. However, if you can go out for walks on your own (preferably to somewhere nice like a wood/beach/park) all the better.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Call your Psychiatrist.  They are there to help you.  Sometimes it takes a while for a medication to start working.  Sometimes it takes trying different medications.  Work with your psychiatrist and they will work with you.  Call your doctor now.  If they have an anwering service then have your doctor paged.  If not go to a psychiatric ER.  If they do not have a psychiatric ER go to a regular ER.  Feeling suicidal is a way that we do not have to feel.  Doctors can help us.  Take care.

Answer 4

i have been dealing with the same symptoms and thoughts for about 15 or more years. i have found keeping busy and letting my mental heath professionals know is the key.. sometimes that means a visit to the psych ward or a new med. meds can cause these symptoms. it is hard to tell sometimes. but talking about it is the important thing. i have bipolar i have been treated for it since 1993. just this last year have they gotten things right to where life has been manageable. but that is manly because there are new things out there that were not there before like meds and therapies and those sorts of things. keep the communication open with your Dr's and keep trying it is a hard road but well worth it in the end. i have had mental illnesses for 21 years it is hard. i wish you well.  

Answer 5

I think you need to see your psychiatrist oftener or a counsellor. You need someone to talk to who will listen to how you feel and give you help and advice on how to handle your feelings.Believe me things will get better and at your age you have a long life in front of you which I'm sure you will be able to turn around and find happiness and sucess.Ask your doctor or a friend to help, don't be afraid to ask for help.Try the Samaritans or a minister or priest or a teacher some of these people will find the right kind of help for you. Believe me it is worth a try, life is precious and though it may take a while to overcome these bad feelings it will be worth it.Best wishes and hang in there.

Answer 6

You need to find other things to occupy your thought. Get a hobby.  Get a job.  Do something/anything.  If school is a very bad place right now there are different solutions.  There are now public schools that you can do at home.  The one my son goes to is Connections Academy.  There are no charges.  They provide everything that you need to do your work.  Talk to your mom and therapist about this.  See if you can try something different until your meds are straightened out and you feel more comfortable.

Talk to your therapist about ativan for the really stressful situations.

I wish you the best of luck.  You or your mom can e-mail me if you have any questions:)

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Life is complicated nobody ever said it would be easy.  Sucide is a permentant solution to a very temporary problem. I think you are crying out for attention. The worst thing you can do is keep these thoughts and feelings to yourself you need to get help NOW!!!!!!! Get off the computer call a family member or your local hospital and tell them how you feel. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Can you live with someone who does not assault you? See site below and also page on advice for teen girls and anxiety.

I am sorry to burst your bubble or rain on your parade, but suicide does not work. A part of you will still exist and can still feel the pain so you need to find another way out of the pain. Also see page on happiness for more on this.

Answer 9

these thumbs down are uncalled for...

Answer 10

Well I think the best way for this one is..... To snap out of it big time!!!!!!!!!  

I wish my dad had broke my arm instead of raping and beating me for years!  And I tell you what I'm glad I'm alive! and living my life to the full now!

Either brake is arm back! or report him to the police!

Don't let that low life drag you down

Think of your future it will be great! you'll never look back!

Forget it and sooooooo get over it.

Answer 11

There is always hope.

I can give you hope.It is up to you if you accept it or not.

By changing your diet you will cure your mental and physical illnesses and turn your life around.

You will stop going in circles and start moving a straight line.

Drugs cannot turn your life around or cure your illnesses.They can only hide them for a short time while they only get worse without you knowing it.The human body is the best healer if you give it what it needs.

Start the omega 3 diet.I have researched omega 3 acids for 2 years and performed a very successful experiment on myself and few of my volunteer friends.Few months of the omega 3 diet i cured my stress[and/or depression] problems permanently and significantly raised my intelligence,improved memory,sight,reflexes[and many other known and unknown benefits] and without any drugs or supplements in the form of pills.

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Take two table spoons of grinded flaxseed[rich with omega 3]a day[with a glass of water] and in a few months you will start to notice significant improvement in your mental health[you will become more psychologically stable,among other things].Use a coffee grinder.Whole seeds cannot be digested by the hydrochloric acid in our stomach only grinded seeds.A fact and not a assumption.You have nothing to loose only gain by it.There are many articles on the internet about the omega 3.2 years ago before i started the diet i did not feel so stable or happy how i feel today.

No they will not but the omega 3 fatty acids will.

Depression is caused by the lack of serotonin in your brain which is caused by the lack of omega 3 fatty acids in your brain.A deficiency that most of the humans on this planet have.

Start the omega 3 diet.I have researched omega 3 acids for 2 years and performed a very successful experiment on myself and few of my volunteer friends.Few months of the omega 3 diet i cured my stress[and/or depression] problems permanently and significantly raised my intelligence,improved memory,sight,reflexes[and many other known and unknown benefits]and without any drugs or supplements in the form of pills.

http://www.naturalnews.com/021119.html

Take two table spoons of grinded flaxseed[rich with omega 3 and cheap]a day[with a glass of water] and in a few months you will start to notice significant improvement in your mental health[you will become more psychologically stable,among other things].Use a coffee grinder.Whole seeds cannot be digested by the hydrochloric acid in our stomach only grinded seeds.A fact and not a assumption.You have nothing to loose only gain by it.There are many articles on the internet about the omega 3.2 years ago before i started the diet i did not feel so stable or happy how i feel today.

Flax is the best source of ALA omega 3 fatty acid which our body converts to more important fatty acids called DHA and EPA.For the efficient conversion to take place,foods containing a large amount of the following nutrients must be consumed along with the flaxseed:C,B3,B6 [vitamins],zink and Magnesium [minerals].I recommend 3 table spoons of flax with 100 grams[or more if to your liking] of almonds and/or 250g of green peas,1 kiwi every day.[do not take more then 3 table spoons of flax because large amounts can cause intestinal gases which can cause abdominal pain and/or constipation.If three spoons causes abdominal discomfort lower the dosage to 2 table spoons of grinded flax and elevate it to 3 table spoons after your body adapts to high fiber content].The flaxseed itself is not important.The omega 3 that are inside them are.

The information in the following link should provide you with the nutritional facts of most if not all known fruits and

vegetables:http://www.nutritiondata.com

Answer 12

Sounds like your dad may have had a breakdown or something, if you were close before that happened.  Whatever brought him to the point of assaulting you, is not your issue, it is his, you were just a victim. Hopefully he is getting the help he needs to get healthy.

However the lingering after effects are becoming a problem for you, and you do have the power to control that.  You need to realize that you can control how it will affect you, and to what extent. Sounds as if you are overwhelmed by the fact that you had your life turned upside down, which you did, and there is nothing anyone can do other than accept that as a fact.  Life happens, and we move forward.  But don't think that you are powerless.  Keep seeing your doctor.  You have your whole life ahead of you, so decide what you want it to be, set goals, and work towards those goals.  Give yourself things to focus on, and reasons to celebrate.  

Answer 13

I'm sorry if this sounds bad, but I used to be like that and I got help through my five angels in disguise-A.K.A. My Chemical Romance. You should listen to them. They have this whole message, and their music, and them....they gave me the strength to carry on.

Answer 14

I love you!

Just forget about all your worries man.

The world moves on 'come h**l or high water'

At the moment you're just stuck in a negative thought loop.

just chill and do something that makes you happy.