Why can't foster kids ever have luxuries? Why ONLY basic necessities? Why can't we have fun?

Question

I used to be a foster kid, & we never got to have fun or enjoy ourselves. It felt like 20 yrs. of h**l & punishment for NO reason! Other kids got to go to proms, formals, dances, take pictures, go to movies, go to the mall, go swimming, etc. while we would stay @ home PUNISHED, for no reason. We weren't allowed to drive, have cell phones, have computers, talk on the phone, watch TV or anything.

As a foster/adopted child did you experience living like this? In a foster/adoptive home where you were treated like a slave? & the foster parents made it like cleaning the house was more important than studying for GEE (Graduation Exit Exam) in order to graduate from high school. & if we refused going to bible class or cleaning the house, we'd get punished, they'd get violent with us, etc. & we couldn't defend ourselves, or else they'd hurt us even worse. & when my Sr. Yr. in high school came, I was able to work a fast food job, & the foster mom used to make me give her all my checks.

Now I feel sad how kids beat up & stab their BIRTH parents, & STILL get to have a job, go to proms, have cell phones, etc. I just don't get it.

Answer 1

I think your just got a bad sent of foster parents.  I have know some that were very giving to their foster children.  Please don't let this affect the rest  of your life. You can try and go to school part time to get your degree and make a really good life for yourself.  Then when you are ready maybe you can help foster a child

Answer 2

There aren't very many kids that like their life.  

Life is not fair.  All through your life there will be things that you will question.  I don't know anyone that has had an easy life.

Answer 3

Yeah, it happens.  The people that responded that this does not happen (1) do not really understand the foster care system or (2) are good foster parents who can not imagine these experiences.

Truth is there are alot of bad foster parents out there.  I had many over the 11 years I was in foster care.  I never went to prom or class trips.  I rarely got birthday presents or parties and rarely got christmas presents.  For years, I thought birthday presents were only for "good kids."  And then for other years, I did not even know when my birthday was because no-one cared.

Some foster families went on vacation and put me in RESPITE care....just great.  Left again.  Or if they had big christmas family gatherings, they stuck me in respite care also.

I was punished horribily for things that were a result of my upbringing or because I was terrified.  Things like wetting the bed or hoarding food, would get me locked in the garage or locked in the bathroom.

I did not get my drivers license until I was 22.  I left foster care with nothing but $63 to my name.

Face it people, the foster care system is a MESS.  Children are hurt.  And the government does not care.  We spend more money on animals in shelters per day, than we do on foster kids.

And while laws have been developed to help foster kids, it is NOT ENOUGH.  Kids are still hurt, still deprived, and still alone.  

And then they grow up, wind up homeless, in prison, unwed mothers, etc and the government has to spend money to help.

FIX THE PROBLEM early on and help the kids while they are children.  Because most get lost as adults.

Answer 4

It's because you weren't being raised by anyone who wanted you.  If they cared about you they wouldn't abuse you in any way.  It's not fair but the foster care system is really messed up that way.

Answer 5

i think u were just unofortunate enough to have bad foster parents, maybe u lived with the same foster parents all the time, or it was just a string of abusive foster parents.

a very good friend of mine and her hubby r foster parents, and they r excellent with their foster kids, for one most of the stuff u described up there is neglect and abuse, therefore illeglal and if CPS knew, they would have to take u and probably looking into yanking the parents licenses as foster parents.

Answer 6

Too many tax payers would rather waste their money bailing out people that decided flood and/or hurricane insurance wasn't important nor necessary despite living in a area that floods and gets hurricanes.

They would rather waste their money bailing people out financial problems that max out their credit cards and don't pay their mortgages because they want to live beyond their means.

Too many tax payers like the taste of tang, so they would rather waste billions in space exploration. Nasa hasn't done anything to justify the money wasted on it.

I don't know why the ethics and morals of our country are sinking into the gutter. Hopefully it will change the more people speak up about and against it. Greed and corruption is the American way now.

First things first..Bush must go and then we need to get the republicans to develop a conscience.  

Answer 7

That's VERY unfortunate and sounds like h**l. Social Workers are meant to keep you safe and put you in the best home. I had the best foster family I could ask for. The Social Worker STILL investigated all the time and I had to go to a therapist to make sure things were okay. I had a wonderful foster experience. I was actually quite spoiled. My first birthday party looked like it was for triplets. I was eventually adopted into my foster family. I've never heard of cops, psychiatrists, or social workers encouraging abuse... that's just sick. I'm so sorry to hear you're horror story, but hopefully you will grow from this. There IS help for foster kids out there.

Answer 8

Not all foster or adopted, or even kids that were born to us get treated like that, nor do they get treated excellent.  There are good, bad, excellent, and just downright abusive families in all walks of life.  

It sounds like your life was really unfair.  Stop the cycle, get some counseling, and try to make it better for a child in the future, no matter if you give birth to it, adopt it, foster it, or just love it.  All kids deserve better.

Answer 9

We wanted to adopt and love a child like our own however i know where your coming from all the red tape stoped us and if you add me go into my questions and you will see us discuse this and read down alittle and youll see a social worker write to us i feel the system is failing everyone involved the children needing adopted the families wanting to adopt.  

Answer 10

You got the wrong foster parents.  I've known people who are foster parents, and I've seen them help their foster kids get a driver's license, get a dress (and tickets) for the prom, get their high school rings, etc. etc.  The kids I've known did not do house work.  Their foster mother believed it was not their job, and in some case some of the kids had been through too much.

After a while, even without being asked, some of them would just kind of offer to help when they thought it was needed.

I know children who have been adopted by their foster parents because they had been with them for a while, and the parents didn't want them to go through losing the people they were close to (again).

It sounds to me as if you happened to be one of the many unfortunate kids who ended up with abusive foster parents.  Not all foster parents are abusive.  I've seen how people can kind of gang up on a kid, though, so I know you're not lying.

Answer 11

My parents are foster parents, in fact were my foster parents, but adopted me. They treat every child that comes into our home with love and acceptance, equal to myself and older siblings that are all adults and have kids of their own. We give them the same amount of presents are I or family members get, sometimes more as other family members do not care, pisses me off.

An aunt of mine is a foster parent as well and her father-in-law refers to her foster kids as "welfare kids". That made me so made.  

Answer 12

I am so sorry that you had to grow up like this.  It is sad that some (I said some) foster parents treat their children like slaves etc and expect them only to be a  means of income!  

I love my (soon to be) adopted son, like he is my own.  Every night when I put him to be he is told that his (other) mommy and daddy along with us love him very much and he replys with "more than I will ever know".  Which is true...I don't think any time soon, that he will understand the love that his first parents had, nor the love that we have for him.  Although he has a unique situation and knows his first family as he is school age and still not "available" for adoption, he understands more than we think...and I hope for all's sake that his parents "clean up" so that they can be (if willing) a part of his life.

Answer 13

well, my grandparents have raising foster kids for the most of there life and to answer your question they cant because they had to much stuff go on i there life it will take time to get back to normal.

Answer 14

We are taking both kiddos to Disney with us for two weeks in September along with our daughter. They were so excited when we told them. They have never been to DIsney before. We even made arrangements for special menus at a restaurant with the kids pictures on them visits to Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique and tickets for Mickey's Not So Scary Haloween Party. I just can't imagine treating them any differently then our dd.

I am sorry you were treated like a second class citizen. I think if people want to become foster parents they need to be prepared to treat the children in their care just as they would their own.

BTW it almost took an act of congress to get permission to leave the state with them. Thankfully the judge and the social worker could relate  to how much this would mean to a child.

Answer 15

It all depends on who your foster parents are.  When we fostered, we would take our foster kids camping, rock climbing, to the beach, etc.  At christmas and birthdays, we always made sure they had as much as anyone else.  And, I know other foster parents who do the same, for example, one couple I know don't need the foster care payments, so all of that money goes directly to the kids to buy clothes, toys, and other fun stuff.

I am sorry that was not your experience.  

Answer 16

i think you were just very unlucky with the foster family you were placed with, and if you were treated badly i do feel sympathy for you, however, my mum and dad foster although i am not fostered myself and i have never been treated any differently from the foster kids we have living with us, from a parenting point of view, Sometimes the kids we had living with us are unhappy, but that is not due to favoritism or anything. we all have equal opportunities, no one is excluded from doing anything because they are fostered, if they are it is due to misbehaving etc. and i have been treated the same.

hope this reassures you that not all foster carers are bad people, as our entire family is still on speaking terms with kids who we used to foster, and still meet up with some of them from time to time.

Answer 17

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but please don't generalize. I was adopted and could not have had a more wonderful family life and upbringing. I had everything I ever wanted and much more. I'm so grateful to have been adopted by wonderful loving parents rather than dragged up by a single mother on a council estate and ending up with little to no chance in life.