Why can't i let go of this horrible relationship?

Question

i can't let go of a relationship that has plagued me for 3 years. he never loved me cheated on me with his ex, was trolling online dating sites and everytime we would break it off he would come back a month later wanting to see me again. i have never been able to say no to him or do the healthhy thing. he triggers stuff in me and makes me cry but i want him anyway. it wasn't even a relationship because he said he didn't want one. now he says we need to end it, we are dysfunctional and has stopped speaking to me. i agree but i don't have any control over my emotions. he is wrong for me yet i miss him terribly and panic at the thought of him being gone forever. how can this be? he has tortured me for years. i feel crazy. how do people move on? i worry that i'll never be over it or that i am damaged beyond repair. help me!

Answer 1

First off, NO woman deserves to be treated in this way. As hard as it may be on you, you really need to let that guy go and take time to reflect on yourself and exactly what it is that you want from yourself, your life and from a real man. Sounds to me like he is playing mind games with you and seems like he is using you. I know that love is so confusing and at times you can be vulnerable. You have to tell him how you feel and if he is not willing to be commited to you then drop him because there are plenty of men out there that will treat you right. And if he has NEVER loved you and has cheated on you. Leave him alone and focus on yourself. Think about reasons why you allow him to treat you the way he does. He knows that he can get away with it and thats why he continues to play you like he is. The longer you stay involved with him, the harder and longer it will be for you to move on and be damaged. Everyone suffers heartbreak and heartache but it cant be any worse then a stubbed toe. Be strong and have respect for yourself, if you dont nobody will! Seems like you know that you cant be with him just convince yourself that you can do better. Get some girlfriends together for a "girl talk session" and surround yourself with people who love you the most and treat you the best. That should help you move on! Good Luck! =D

Answer 2

Emotions are never quite rational. A lot of girls find themselves attracted to guys who are really bad for them for reasons unknown. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do what we know is right, even if we don't want to.

You're not "damaged" or crazy. You just need to decide that you're going to get over this, and stay away from this guy. Of course you can't decide to make your feelings disappear, but you can decide not to act on them--and the longer you keep with this decision, the more distant your feelings for him will become.

I know it feels at the moment like you'll never get over him, but you really will. Just do what you know is right for you, and the sooner you resolve to break things off with him, the sooner you can start recovering. :)

IM or email me if you ever need to talk!

Answer 3

everyone feels like that after an important relationship, if you hang out with your friends more and try not to think about your problems and focus on theirs, it helps a lot. even chocolate really does help :]

all you really feel is emptiness right? and you mean nothing anymore?

you just need to realize that it was fate for you to not be together and that this will just make you stronger, and ready for the next guy coming along.

there are a lot better people out there, so just wait until he finds you XD

Answer 4

Only you can decide what it is that you deserve.

If you feel you deserve to be treated like sh*t, then that's all that matters.

But if you think that you deserve better, than maybe you should let him know that.

People move on by getting rid of them.  I read on some article that a few steps would be:

1. Get rid of all their contact information - no casual talking, no catching up, nothing to bind you to that person.

2. Get rid of all the things that remind you of him.

3. Don't talk about him or show that you are sad to your mutual friends.

4. Don't look back.

If you really want to leave it behind that it's up to you to do that.

Just know it takes time and effort.

and some girls never do that and go their life being abused.

Do you want to be those type of girls?

Answer 5

Why is it that our emotions will guide us in the wrong direction even though we know better? There isn't a real person alive that hasn't gone through at least one relationship like you have explained.

You need a change of scenery, a new outfit, a new hair color, new eyeglass frames (if you need to wear glasses) and at least one of two new pairs of shoes.

Go ahead and have a good cry, it will not hurt. Remove all pictures or anything that reminds you of him from your house. Do it a little at a time. Maybe you can trick yourself into realizing that it is time to get a new life.

If you have come from a dysfunctional family, learn to forgive and move on as well as get some therapy to get the old cobwebs out and get a fresh start on your new and happy life.

Good Luck  

Answer 6

Man, I know how ya feel. Get out. Cheat on him! Do whatever horrible things you need to do to convince yourself there's better guys out there. I'm sure ther are guys interested in you... look into it

Answer 7

Try a new boyfriend, getting someone new will show you that there actually are more people out there to make you happy, you're just scared of having those sad emotions in you, trust me they go away. Best thing to get over someone is to leave the town for a week or two, like Vegas or something learn to function without them or remember before you had a relationship, was it really that bad when you were single before you met them

Answer 8

When you finally get over him you will really hate him and yourself for putting up with it all.    

He sounds very abusive please check out the site I linked.  You need to figure out why you need this relationship.  Are you afraid to be alone?  That is very common.  No one wants to be alone.  If you don't figure it out you may find yourself in the same situation in your next relationship.

The best way to move on is to find someone else you enjoy spending time with.  It can even be just a friend.      

Answer 9

Be careful. I knew someone that had even worse things happen such as getting beat up by her husband and she went back to him even after he got out of jail! You will keep obsessing over him as long as you only have him to depend on. The problem with women who get into these situations is that they don't know what being alone really is.

The fear of being alone and not having someone else take care of you and be there can overcome any sense of logic and it can bring about some disturbing relationships. Even though it might seem like the best thing to do, don't go looking for a replacement. You can end up in the same situation or worse, with someone who will beat you. You need to get away, force yourself crying and screaming to get out and away. Disconnect yourself from him. Ask for help. There are people out there that will set you up with a new life if you need it. Don't leave yourself any method of communication between you and him.

You will cry, you will feel awful and you will hate it. You need to fill your life, force yourself to do other things. There are times when you can and even should break down and let it all take over, and then recover to find the determination and pride you need to show everyone and yourself that you're your own boss and you won't stand for this humiliation.

Remember that you're letting yourself down, that you're the only one that's important in your life and that only you can save yourself. If you believe you'll never get over it, then you'll never get over it. You have to trust yourself and know that you're the best. You'll in time fine someone else. You'll know him for who he is and you will have learned from your past and use it to make the right decisions about people. It happens to a lot of us and believe me when I say that some of the most desperate cases have had the best endings. Those who get out and stay out can be happy and free.

You will get over it. If not after a year, then after two or three and you'll only feel disgust and hatred towards the one you thought you loved.