Why can't my soldier bf stay consistant with his decision? Is this an army guy thing?

Question

Why can't my soldier bf stay consistant with his decision? Is this an army guy thing?

He loves me, no doubt about that. But in the 5 months that we have been together. He has given me the "let's just be friends for now" aka "breakup" 2 times already. Both times he said is because of the stress in the Army. First time was when he was stationed back in Europe. We got back together per his request. Second time was yesterday, and he is in Iraq. And i am tempted to forget him forever since 2 times being dumped is no fun

I don't know anything about Army life and I am trying to understand him instead of being offended. Anyone here willing to help me understand my soldier better?

Answer 1

Personally, I would tell you to move on. Army life is tough enough on spouses and girl friends. I started dating, proposed to, and married my wife while I was in Europe. It's not an Army guy thing. Having a wife/gf there to support you is great! It's just this guy's thing. Let him have his way and move on.

Answer 2

Bet the both of you are around 18 - 20 yo. He is still a young person who needs to find him self and figure out what he really wants in life. His life is in flux due to the newness of the military life and your relationship. Good Luck

Vet-USAF

@dded : To answer your email, Time and trust is all you can do.

Answer 3

First, I am sorry to hear that you got dumped, twice. Ouch.

Thanks for being so understanding

Now about Army life...Army life is very stressful, and not just the getting shot at part. It is also difficult because you don't have a lot of control over your life. You know what you will be wearing every day, but not a lot else. You have no control over what you wear, where you live, who you work with, where you work, what you eat, when you eat, where you sleep, when you sleep. With the fitness and weight requirements you don't even have a choice in how much you eat, if you are on the chubby side, because if you get to fat or can't pass your PT test you get into trouble. You have some say in WHEN you go p**p, but that is about it.  AT times this lack of choice can get insane.

For example, when I was called up from the reserves in '03 I had no idea of where I was going to be going or what I was to be doing. I was told to report to Oklahoma, but that was just for training...so we only stayed a couple of weeks. Then we got orders to go to Arizona for more training. I stayed there about a month, but the best we could get for our orders was that we had to report to El Paso where we would get ready to be sent overseas...but after that nobody knew. We all spent a week at El Paso wondering what would happen to us and getting ready to go overseas, and then I and two other guys got orders to go to Tampa. As soon as we got to Tampa that changed. They didn' t know where I would be going, but I sure wasn't going to stay in Tampa. That was all I knew for about a week...then I got told  I was going to Afghanistan; then I got orders for another unit that was also in  Tampa. (The personell guys at my first unit needed someone with a particular skill that was in the second unit, so they traded me...just like a baseball player, to the second unit.) I reported to my new unit  and got along with everyone and it was going great for three days, then the guy I got "traded" for backed out of the trade, so  my orders got changed and again  I was going back to Afghanistan, then THAT changed and I was supposed to go to East Africa...they even issued me the Malaria Pills...but a the last minute THAT changed and I was supposed to stay in Tampa, which is where I finally wound up for about three months till they picked up my whole unit and shipped us to Qatar where I stayed for five months.  As you can imagine, this  was pretty stressful, literally not knowing where on the planet you were going to be living and eating and sleeping three days from now.

So I have to ask...are you "high maintainance"?  If you are, it could just be that your B/F really does like you, but he just can't put up with your stuff AND deal with all the stress from his Job in the Army at the same time.  High maintainance and Army really don't mix, no matter how much you may want it to.  I knew a colonel who's wife was the highest maintaninace person I had ever seen. Right after he moved to Tampa from St. Louis he was at work one day and she called him. She was still in St. Louis (they hadn't sold the house yet) and she had gotten lost and called him at work for directions! He spent 20 min on the phone saying "No, No honey take a LEFT turn under the bridge! Make a left...then turn right on Commerce Street." He was Catholic so he stayed married...but he was not a happy person.

If you are NOT "high maintainance" well  then it could just be a guy thing.  If he is in Iraq it is unlikely he is hooked up with another female in his unit... Combat Arms units don't have females in them, and the females who do deploy tend to avoid hook ups...there are too many ways it can work out badly for them.   Not to say it doesn't happen, just that it isn't likely.  

It is likely that he's going through a lot with everything that is happening to him right now, and he may not have the energy to deal with a relationship right now.

If you really like him, you may want to get in touch with him when he gets back...keep him on the back burner till then.  If not, you could move on.  

Answer 4

You mentioned that he is currently in Iraq.  The things that they see there make SOME of them reevaluate their lives, it can be hard on them emotionally and physically.  It's hard to understand, but I do not think you should take it personally.  I think you should be there for him as a friend, he needs the support right now.  If you happen to move on in the meantime then that is how it is, but just don't leave him hanging feeling alone in the sandbox.  

Plus he's a guy, mostly pretty young and is experiencing things in life he may have not been ready for totally to experience.

Good Luck ♥ Remember the hardest job in any military branch is being the better half, spouse, girl friend, mother, etc.

Answer 5

Nothing really to do with being in the Army, it's just a guy thing.  

I'm sure you both are young, these are just the types of things that happen.

Answer 6

The Army is stressful as it is. Give him some time, he'll come around. And please don't pester him about it if he's in Iraq right now. If he wants to be friends, just support him and be friends.  

Answer 7

i think that it is all the stress and that he don't want that you have to wait for him.you are "only" his girlfriend and he might be scared that you feel like you will miss out on something.onthe other side,you have to see that deployments and overseas tours change people too!i would try to be friends for now and to help him out as much as you canmaybe things will change when he comes back!if you really care for him you will have to wait!

good luck