Why can't people respect my decision?

Question

I don't want to get married, yet it seems such the common thing to do. Whenever I meet and begin to date a new guy, he always tells me he is ready to settle down and start a family. I dont mind settling, but I do not want to be married and I definitely dont want to have children. It is so difficult to find a decent guy who thinks similarly. It's just not the life I desire or see for myself. I just know I won't be happy.

Why does everyone, at least family and friends, think me strange and attempt to force this this lifestyle on my life? Why can't people just respect my personal decision without trying to impose husbands and children on me?

Answer 1

Misery loves company maybe?  Personally I wanted to settle down and have kids mainly because I was sick of the game and wanted to start building a life and have children that I could love and who would love me in return. And maybe after I grew older I wouldnt be lonely because I would have my own family that I knew cared about me. Maybe thats what the old folks thought you might like.  

Answer 2

They probably think you won't 'really be happy' unless you have a husband and children. Don't let it get to you; it is up to you and only you how you wish to live your life. Nothing wrong with wishing to be single. We should respect each others desires and goals in life and not place our own on them.

Answer 3

Good for you for wanting to be independent. As far as parents go..I think they have a fantasy of seeing their kids married off.  For some reason it just cements that the child has gone off and made their own life. That they have someone who will take care of them. That they can take care of each other.  I have to say, I have a daughter and I would be sad if she didn't find a partner to spend her life with. Someone who treats her well.  It's really just a security issue for me. I like to know she is taken care of.  

Answer 4

Well, I will respect your decision.  You know what is best for you.  I think one day you will find that decent guy who thinks similarly.

I think there just comes a point where one has to ignore or tune out those who are not respecting your decision.  And yes, sometimes that is hard to do.  These are people you love, and you want them to understand.

But you have to be you.  Be strong.  And good luck to you.

Answer 5

The purpose of life is to survive and reproduce. People, especially men want to pass on their genes, by settling down they can do that. You do what you fell like but most people do want to get married eventually.

Answer 6

Well stop 'wishing' they'd do things and just tell them!  Do they even have a clue that it offends you?  Tell them it annoys you that they don't accept your decision.  If they still don't accept it, then that's their problem, not yours.

Answer 7

Just keep taking a stand. It's your life even if everyone seems to give advice. My daughter is 28 and she is a career girl, doesn't want to marry or have kids too. I just want to see her happy.

There are many guys out there who don't want families.keep looking and don't give up!

Answer 8

When you stop questioning how you feel on the subject (truly), other people will back off too.

Answer 9

Just be firm and up front with people. Tell your family and friends you don't want to get married and have children. My life style is not what they want for themselves and their life style is not what you want for yourself. You respect the decisions they have made in their life and you want them to show you the same respect. You don't want to hear them tell you anymore that you should live your life to make them happy and you want them to stop.

When it comes to the men you date. I would think that by the time you have gone out with a man by the third date, you should bring up the fact that you love the single life and you have no desire to ever get married or have children. This way you can weed out the ones who want marriage and children. I'm sure there are men out there that feel the same way you do and some day you will meet him.

Answer 10

It is okay if you don't wat the family life. Many people don't marry. I have a sister who has no desire to get married and says she never will. It is your life don't be forced into a marriage if it is not for you. It will only end in divorce.

Answer 11

Just a thought, but a lot of guys will say that because they think that is what you want to hear, since it is the norm.  As your your friends and family, just stick with your decision, don't worry about what they think...it's your life.  Tell them you will get married and have children when they agree to pay for the wedding, the doctor bills for the pregnancies, diapers, all baby supplies, college and cars for all the kids, plus attorney fees for divorce...that might shut them up lol.

Answer 12

yah...all these morons are brianwashed to beleive its something that you must do in life....wrong.

It's supposed to be fulfilling....wrong.

Its better to live free without chains than to be tied down with responsiblities and somebody always nagging you too.

Answer 13

I am sure there are lots of men out there who will respect your decision - you just haven't met them yet.  I know for sure that this will happen more and more once you find yourself getting older.  As for every else - whatever they think is none of your business!

Answer 14

stop defending your decision.  Just state it and let it stand on its own.  You defending your decision is seen as a case of "the lady doth protest too much".  

once you know you're dating someone who wants children then stop seeing them.  It's a waste of their and your time to become emotionally entangled if you really don't want or value the same things where marriage and children are concerned.

Answer 15

they do not respect your decisions

because you fail to live and state it clearly

when you meet a guy

do you lay it all out on the table

when you write a personal ad, do you do the same?

do you cower or flinch when the question is asked?

are you defensive when the question is asked of you

or are you confident in your viewpoints and lifestyle?

I do not want children

been pestered with it from my parents.. not by my siblings much if at all..

but i no longer pay attention to such inquiries

i merely smile and say don't want any,,,i like my lifestyle as is

and it pretty much kills off all arguments, inquires....and so on

BTW i did not get married till way later in life.. and did not date until as such, felt no reason.. i was too focused on life and career to be bothered with a GF or wife at the time.

Answer 16

I think just like you.marriage is a system with 80 percent error.

but  you should know about your decision results , think about it more and more ,listen to others people . don't think dogma .

I accept every result of my decision . but remember it's about rest of your life and time won't back again.

Don't let them to understand what you think.  

Answer 17

Well you need to ask yourself why you truly do not want to have a husband or produce children. Is it something that happened to you or someone you know? You must ask your self several questions first b/c you Truly do not if you will not be happy if you did those things. I met a woman who did get married but just hated children. I couldn't understand why, but later, i had found out that something terrible had happened to her and she didn't want to bring a child into this world where it could happen to them.