Why can't she spend time with her son?

Question

My BF has 2 kids, the girl is 18 and the boy is 14, it seems like my Bf's ex does not want to spend any time with her own son. He's a great kid and I feel like she constantly tries to bring him to our home because her life is just too busy and she does not want to be a responsible mother. her job hours are from 9 to 5, yet she never gets home til 11 or 12 O'clock almost every nite. Just last week she toddle off to the jersey shore with her bf and her daughter, and her daughters best friend, she didn't even ask the boy if he would like to go, but yet would take a stranger along before she would take her own flesh and blood, it is eating away at me inside, I want to say something to her, but the just bite my tongue, but I am only the live in girlfriend ( 8 years now). She no sooner gets home from work this evening around six pm and she was already on the phone asking my bf what he was doing, mind you she never asks me, as she does this all the time, its like she has a sick sense, my Bf told his ex that we would not be around tonite because we are having a rather large barbecue Saturday and have to get some food shopping done, her response was" well I thought I would drop him off", then she said" well i guess I have to take him to my mother's house", this woman is a p**s poor parent and not once this summer did she do anything with her boy, this urks me to no end, the fact that she does nothing with him and she only uses him for a meal ticket ( Child support ), I love this kid like my own, we have done so many things with him this summer, camping, went to Nascar, hiking, fishing, visited many places and took him with us on a few trips, why can't she just be a "Mother"? I wouldn't mind but we just had him for a whole week, and already she;s looking to take off and dump the kid off again on us. When he's with us he's a good kid and fun to be around, we always have fun together, but I feel at this point in time, she needs to spend some time with her son before he goes back to school next week, what do you think? Should I say something nonchalantly to the mom the mom the next time she calls?

Another thing that bothers me is she is always complaining that she never has any money, but constantly shops at the best stores and is trying to take my bf back to family court for more money, now she wants 350 dollars a week, she doesn't deserve that especially because she always spends it on herself,I know because the boy tells us that he doesn't see any of it and he's the one that told us that mom is never home till real late, she's too busy with her bf and the bf don't even like kids. Too bad for her, she spread her legs and made these children, she needs to step up to the plate and grow up and take responsibility and be a parent.I did my mommy thing years ago, now its her turn!! What would you do ?

Answer 1

First of all you are NOT just the live in girl friend, in most states you are considered common law married after 7 years cohabiting. Secondly, I think the boy is better off with you and his father , so as much time as he can spend with you the better. You always make him feel loved and that his feelings and wants are as important as your own. A boy needs to know he belongs somewhere and you are giving him that. The mother sounds like a selfish btch and the boy will soon see that on his own and just shut her out of his life completely which would be her fault. So ignore her antics and keep giving your new son, love and comfort and let him know he is always going to be number one in your household and  a big part of a loving family.

Answer 2

I understand why u feel the way u do. sounds like alot. i can tell that u truly do love the boy. even tho he is 14 u should ask him how he feels about his mom being gone and never really wanting to do things with him. that happend to my niece and she calls my sisters bf her dad because in the past 3 years her dad hasnt really acknowleged her existence and she is 13. its horrible when they do taht. i would reccomend like a therapy type thing so the boy and his bilogical mom (cant call her a mom if she doesnt pay attention and give him love and care like u do and it isnt even ur job). i know it may be troublesome just suggest a movie that she may wanna see with him or when there are some fun activities to do.  

Answer 3

This is a tough one. But you cannot make someone be a good parent. Has your BF thought of going to court and trying to get custody? He seems to deserve it, and obviously you do love his children as well. You sound like you could help make up for what he does not get from the sperm recipient. Keep doing what you are doing for the boy, you will find out that later in life he will appreciate YOU so much for it.